zoned out :(

[RainbowHeartz]

I feel all weird...
I feel blank minded
I feel like I could stare into space
I feel numb and cut off with emotions
My facial expressions are weird too non smiley, just blank
I feel headachy
I feel spaced out
I loose myself like I wake up and think ah that's what I'm doing
I forget myself
I forget where I am and talk to myself then get paranoid people seen me talking to myself

I saw my CC and says I'm dissociating and feel cut off from the world I been like this a few days now, my manager asked me if I was okay as I wasn't smiley or talkative I told him it was because I took diazepam but that is true I did take diazepam but it's.not true that the diazepam caused it... I feel weird...

 

[RainbowHeartz]

It's horrible... I'm struggling with work sometimes I have to concentrate and I struggle so badly... my CC only seeing me half hour a week soon be fortnightly... my mood is... I don't know... I feel... I don't know.... my appointment went bad with CC as most questions I answered was I don't know... but I feel numb I think...

 

[halfway_there]

I'm only speculating but maybe your mind is sort of coming into a more relaxed state. I mean, for me, feeling numb would be better than constantly trying to bury inner feelings of anger or agitation or hate - I've been experiencing a lot of that lately. Kind of normal for me though.

Anyway, as I say I wonder if it might not actually be a bad thing. I mean you did mention some negative things there, sure, but not all of it sounded bad to me at all. Just saying.

 

[halfway_there]

But also, I hope my first reply didn't sound dismissive like you have nothing to worry about or something. I didn't mean it that way because I can relate to struggling at work too. Yeah, it's a challenge for me at the mo, just to remain focused and not forget things and to address people in a respectful manner. I don't feel zoned out though, just a bit overwhelmed I guess. It's a bit of an effort to keep a civil tone with people I don't like at my job, you see. That's my biggest challenge at the mo. Sorry to turn the subject around to me but I just needed to say that. Thank you.

 

[deadflowers]

I'm dissociating

Sounds like that. I get it. I also have this kinda compensatory me that takes over and does what she likes. I feel like I am sitting inside my head watching (and normally wishing she'd shut up!) It feels like I am in severe shock in a way xxxx

 

[RainbowHeartz]

Hi hi

I've found mindfulness helpful.. trying to keep myself in the present.. someone on here kindly recommended a dbt workbook that I started using and I have been practising, catch myself thinking in the past or future and bringing myself back to the here and now... I have been counting different noises, noting what I see, smell, feel which is helping ground me...

Your post was fine halfway there I just idk I like numbness but the zoning out isn't good when at work and I should be concentrating, or walking past shops I need to go in because I wasn't paying attention and in my own world.. but it was affecting my job, as I ask a question but zoned out before they answered so I might as well not bothered asking if I zone out and not hear the answer... confusing much... to confusing to explain... but in the last few days as I put above I'm practicing mindfulness and seems to be working better

Hi hi Angel flowers
Yeah it's so not good dissociating... I do it alot... but hopefully dbt, mindfulness and stuffs will sort me out... just lots of effort and time all part of bpd...

Love and peace
XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

 

[halfway_there]

No, I understand what you mean about being zoned out - not paying attention sort of thing. You're right, it's not a good state to be in. But yes, I totally believe in the mindfulness as well and I'm glad things are coming back to a good place for you. I've been practicing it, albeit in a haphazard manner, for a few years now too and it's definitely helped to bring me into a better place within myself. I discovered it by reading Buddhist literature - that's where it comes from you see, as you probably know - and actually this post of yours has given me a boost in stepping up my efforts with the mindfulness to subdue some negative emotions that keep entering my mind.

Anyway, thank you for your reply and have a nice day.

 

[RainbowHeartz]

Hey halfway there I'm glad my post help boost you in your efforts that's wonderful and yeah mindfulness is great hope you have a great day too

 

[(Sic)]

What does diazepam treat? I know the feeling though and I'm not on diazepam. It's a really strange feeling. Hours turn into minutes and you lose track of what day it is.

 

[RainbowHeartz]

What does diazepam treat? I know the feeling though and I'm not on diazepam. It's a really strange feeling. Hours turn into minutes and you lose track of what day it is.

Hi diazepam is for anxiety, I don't take it anymore

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

hugs Miss Ally xxxx

 

[RainbowHeartz]

Thanks lu