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Your first manic episode

HLon99

HLon99

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Dear forum,

Hope you are all having a wonderful day.

Do you remember what your first manic episode was like? What were you feeling at the time? What were you doing? Did you face any consequences in the aftermath?
 
G

Gratefultobewell

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I can’t remember much, but I ended up with a large tattoo (out of character for me).
 
Wishbone

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This should be an interesting thread!

I'm in two minds about which my first was. There's two that are most likely, I'll refer to them as the former and the latter. I know for certain the latter one was mania, but with the former, because of being hazy about that whole time back then, I'm unsure of just how bad the former was, so it may well just have been hypo, but I've got about 3 years that I couldn't tell you much about at all and this was in that somewhere so can't be sure.

In the former I went on holiday, loved it, came home, didn't go back to my job (don't know why), had this intense need to go back to where I went on holiday, spoke with a friend who had the summer free due to being a student, and we went within a few days. No place to stay or anything, just flights. A few weeks later I found myself thinking, what the hell am I doing here? I have a job for God's sake and they don't even know where I am! I don't remember any more details about what went on before, during or after, I just know this basic outline of what went on and that there was depression around this time too. I never did go back to that job.

The latter was me getting faster and faster at work, physically and mentally. Taking on everything, outpacing everyone with workload, physically covering about 15 miles a day, nobody was keeping up with me, nobody was fast enough or good enough, and I started to get more and more irritable. I turned everyone against me (I only realised this sometime afterwards), even the old lady volunteers that previously loved me. I was doing lots outside of work so I wasn't sleeping nearly enough. Then I also I became delusional about coworkers conspiring against me, trying to make me look bad when I was the one keeping the show on the road while they were slacking off. I was like some kind of carousel that was spinning faster and faster and faster, none of it was fun, and then - Boom! The carousel slipped off it's fittings and I hit a wall and imploded into severe depression.
 
Zana

Zana

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The first episode I could definitely say was mania was summer 2019, during which I believed I was angel in training and that I could detect other angels. It started as a fun thought but escalated quickly into being the only possible explanation for why life was so hard. It felt fantastic, like I was enlightened and special. Like Wishbone, I was also working fast and long hours, barely eating or sleeping and playing loads of badminton. From this episode thankfully there weren't really any short-term consequences...if only that were always the case.

Interesting to read other's experiences!
 
Bluejay7500

Bluejay7500

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oh gosh. i was drinking and decided to take to much medication to try to kill myslef. it was a manic episode turned into a suicide attempt. i havent had many attempts after that but i know ill have more manic episode. take care
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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This should be an interesting thread!

I'm in two minds about which my first was. There's two that are most likely, I'll refer to them as the former and the latter. I know for certain the latter one was mania, but with the former, because of being hazy about that whole time back then, I'm unsure of just how bad the former was, so it may well just have been hypo, but I've got about 3 years that I couldn't tell you much about at all and this was in that somewhere so can't be sure.

In the former I went on holiday, loved it, came home, didn't go back to my job (don't know why), had this intense need to go back to where I went on holiday, spoke with a friend who had the summer free due to being a student, and we went within a few days. No place to stay or anything, just flights. A few weeks later I found myself thinking, what the hell am I doing here? I have a job for God's sake and they don't even know where I am! I don't remember any more details about what went on before, during or after, I just know this basic outline of what went on and that there was depression around this time too. I never did go back to that job.

The latter was me getting faster and faster at work, physically and mentally. Taking on everything, outpacing everyone with workload, physically covering about 15 miles a day, nobody was keeping up with me, nobody was fast enough or good enough, and I started to get more and more irritable. I turned everyone against me (I only realised this sometime afterwards), even the old lady volunteers that previously loved me. I was doing lots outside of work so I wasn't sleeping nearly enough. Then I also I became delusional about coworkers conspiring against me, trying to make me look bad when I was the one keeping the show on the road while they were slacking off. I was like some kind of carousel that was spinning faster and faster and faster, none of it was fun, and then - Boom! The carousel slipped off it's fittings and I hit a wall and imploded into severe depression.
I have used the spinning type
metaphor before except to say that I was like a spinning Christmas tree because when manic I used to board stuff and redistribute it to people who as it turns out, didn’t really want it, but I digress...
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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The first episode I could definitely say was mania was summer 2019, during which I believed I was angel in training and that I could detect other angels. It started as a fun thought but escalated quickly into being the only possible explanation for why life was so hard. It felt fantastic, like I was enlightened and special. Like Wishbone, I was also working fast and long hours, barely eating or sleeping and playing loads of badminton. From this episode thankfully there weren't really any short-term consequences...if only that were always the case.

Interesting to read other's experiences!
I believed that a fellow dancer and I were angels and it was up to us to go around the world waking people up to their higher nature. I choreographed part of a dance surrounding this idea and the girls Mom even made matching angel costumes styled after victorian nightgowns to use in the performance. I never ended up finishing the choreography for that dance as I dropped out of college instead. More interesting manias came later on but i believe that was the first. I was in my early twenties and have never discussed it wi tu anyone until now. xo, j
 
Zana

Zana

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I believed that a fellow dancer and I were angels and it was up to us to go around the world waking people up to their higher nature. I choreographed part of a dance surrounding this idea and the girls Mom even made matching angel costumes styled after victorian nightgowns to use in the performance.
What a fantastic example of how mania can be used in the arts! Am sure that dance would have been a blast. :D
 
J

JeanPierre

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I believed that a fellow dancer and I were angels and it was up to us to go around the world waking people up to their higher nature. I choreographed part of a dance surrounding this idea and the girls Mom even made matching angel costumes styled after victorian nightgowns to use in the performance. I never ended up finishing the choreography for that dance as I dropped out of college instead. More interesting manias came later on but i believe that was the first. I was in my early twenties and have never discussed it wi tu anyone until now. xo, j
That's so cool tho. Awesome.
(Not the mental part)
 
J

JeanPierre

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What a fantastic example of how mania can be used in the arts! Am sure that dance would have been a blast. :D
Yes I agree.
Inspiration, the Muse, genius has to come from a place on the spectrum of
"not normal"
 
calypso

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I painted the whole house in (wait for it) purple, yellow and tourquoise. It was a tad garish to say the least! I was so happy and singing at the top of my lungs all the time irritating the family who were trying to get some sleep. The neighbours complained as well. My husband bless him, just looked shocked and said "Bit bright isn't it?" and then went about his business. I remained high for weeks and got no sleep until I crashed into a mind numbing depression.
 
E

Evykaye

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My first manic episode was when I got into my car and drove all the way from Texas to California to meet up with a guy that I had never met, just talked to over the phone. I don’t remember much about it. The funny part is that I am not a freeway driver, but I must have gotten on freeway at some point. I had a map and thought I would take a short cut, so I got off the freeway and turned down some road and got lost. I ended up somewhere in the desert. Don’t ask me how I ended up back on the freeway in Barstow. This all happened long before I was diagnosed as Bipolar. Now I realize that I was manic that whole time.
 
C

CabbageMama

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Not my first, but the one that has had the most impact. I had got a new job, only 16hrs per week, but I hadn’t worked for years and years. They were advertising for a waitress/front of house role, but when I went to Interview, the Manager liked me and said I would be perfect to help organise him, do some accounts, help plan functions etc. That sent me on quite a high and it wasn’t long after that that I had a big hooha with my Husband at a function with his Family. It was after that that we agreed that we couldn’t carry on as we were and had tried everything to stay together.

He agreed to move out of our home, I carried on as normal with the children, all ok. But strange, as I had always been quite dependent on him, which he encouraged. I was running on air and no sleep, but I felt amazing, like I could do anything. He said he was moving back in, it was his house too - no problem, I rented a house nearby and moved out with the children. We moved in on a Saturday, I secretly packed bags in the boot of the car and on Sunday woke them to tell them we were going to Legoland for 2 days with an overnight stop in a Hotel. Then drove all the way there (having not been on a proper motorway for years and years and years and not slept properly for absolutely ages), made sure it was a fun time for us, even though it was the first Family trip I had made ever with the 3 of us on our own, drove back and then went to work the next day.

Didn’t even consider the impact of the split, really. The children were fine, so I concentrated on making sure that stayed the case. Got about 4 months in, when I had a massive crash. Consequences? I am on my own through the most challenging time in my Life. But the children have remained awesome, I make sure they keep regular contact with their Dad. I have struggled at times and have felt like I have fucked things up, but I haven’t. Was just something pretty major when I was coming down from it.
 
G

Ginger Kitten

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I remember mildly manic periods (so hypomania probably) about 20 years before I was diagnosed. Other people noticed them too: a boyfriend commented one evening when I'd had a couple of drinks that I was a bit manic and my boss at the time also noticed I was piling through work like a speeding train (I was a copy editor then). But my first truly manic episode was when I was diagnosed at 52. I was extremely belligerent and shouty, picking arguments with all and sundry, but didn't realise it or have any idea I was manic. I soon did though when they sectioned me for it!
 
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