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Young woman who’s dealt with bullying my whole life. Who is the issue?

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Dsg1116

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
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1
Location
Florida
I want to understand why I always end up attracting drama with people. While people may say I’m the issue, I don’t think I am. I’m very quiet and only speak when spoken to. In HS, middle school, work, college etc, I have been around all types of people. There’s always one person that dislikes me for no reason. I’m 25 and I have developed major anxiety as a result of my trauma. This anxiety is worsening things for me, because I’m alienating myself. And as a result, people are continuing to judge me negatively because of how quiet I am. I’ve been told things like I’m unapproachable etc but people see what they want to see. I don’t think I’m a bad person or go out of my way to hurt others. So why do people develop issues with me or bring me down etc? My own family did this to me, people I trusted and have known for my existence. At work now, there are women who are close with almost everyone but me. And I’ve never done anything to them. Not to mention, my lack of dating life. I’ve never been asked out by a guy I’d like to date, only unattractive men. I’ve lost a lot of weight and try to maintain my thick/slim figure. So why am I always alone? I swear there’s this curse on me I can’t put a finger on.
 
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Mark Bradley

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
3
Location
California
Hi there,

Thanks for sharing! I’m sorry that this has been happening to you for a while — that all sounds awful.

Im a 27 year old male and I used to be very quiet (still am to some degree), but I have forced myself to become more outgoing over the years. Before this change (in high school and college), many people I barely knew thought of me as arrogant and stuck up (they’d never tell me that to my face, but they told others and it eventually got around to me). I eventually grew so sick of this label that I decided to make a change. Reading Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” really helped teach me what to say and how to act in social situations. I’m still quiet and introverted, but I’ve more or less shed the arrogant label.

Not sure if this is what’s going on with you, but I bet if you just ask those women at work basic questions (about their weekend, etc), they’ll open up a lot more and include you in conversation. It will feel super awkward at first, but I promise if you keep at it eventually it’ll become second nature. As far as with your family, I would try and express how their behavior is making you feel. They may just not realize how much their behavior is hurting you.

Good luck!
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,503
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
Agree with previous post. I've suffered from the quiet curse all my life. I'm sure people have had that same view of me. Why? Because if you don't say much to someone, I'm pretty sure the other person often interprets that as 'you don't like me', or 'you think you're superior to me'. In fact like the OP, I'm a really nice person, and very humble. No reason for anyone to assume I don't like them.

Those everyday pleasantries like asking about someone's weekend are really important. Might seem like trivial small talk, but it builds up a rapport.

Also if you can open up to people about some personal things, that establishes a relationship of trust. People like to think they can trust you.
There's no curse on you OP. Try and be a little more verbal with people. This is difficult if you have social anxieties. It does improve with age and practice though. In my experience.
 
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