• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

You teach people how to treat you

jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
795
Location
Canada
Something I heard the other day. I think I need this advice. Some people will take advantage of you if you let them, and at the same time they'll have no respect for you. This certainly won't help you feel any better about yourself.

It may not be easy if you're not used to doing so, but you need to put a stop to this disrespect from others. How, I'm not sure. But as long as it goes on you are surrendering your self-respect.

Maybe I'm just talking to myself here.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
11,807
Location
Nowhere
I do try to do this jajingna , its difficult sometimes
in mental health environments
because you have to take into account
how unwell some people are

ive had to leave some of my real life friends
who were constantly pushing the boundaries
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
795
Location
Canada
It's a battle at the moment to have self-respect, I'm bored and having some anxiety issues lately. Like, I just sort of freaked out about some dirty dishes, feels like I'm doing them all the time, but I'm just sick of the routine rut I'm stuck in. Feel trapped or something these days. Just a weird mood has happened. Might be all right again soon.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
11,807
Location
Nowhere
the dishes is one of my worst things ! takes me ages

its OK to be bored I'm just re-charging my batteries

I feel trapped I'm used to it
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
795
Location
Canada
I'm a bit crazy on dishes, I don't like letting them pile up at all, so I feel like they need to be done asap, but my brothers aren't like that and will just leave theirs, so sometimes I get sick of doing them. We should probably have a schedule for them, taking turns, but I don't have a job and they both work many hours/week, so I feel kind of petty complaining about this. It usually doesn't bother me like that.
 
Alice Raven

Alice Raven

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
886
Location
USA
That is very true that there are people who will take advantage of you. Some are just unaware, some are just opportunists and others truly feel entitled to do so. The unaware can be educated and should improve. The others, I hate to say, have to be shown that there are consequences to their behavior. I have had many a time with someone like this where I tolerated their behavior until I got good and mad and bared fangs to make them back off. That generally solved the issue for me, but they often went elsewhere and continued. I am told that I usually come off as nice and sweet in person so people like that believe I'm their meal ticket. I get pushed so far and then I show them that I'm not an easy target.

My college BF and I had roommates who never did dishes, or cleaned bathrooms and took advantage of us. My BF always wanted to appease them, but I finally took their dishes with rotting food and bugs and put them under their bed. That solved that problem.

I see your dilemma. If they do work a lot, perhaps a schedule where you do more, but they at least do some would be a win win for everyone. You pull a little bit more since you have more time, but at least they contribute.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
795
Location
Canada
Huh, the phrase "you teach people how to treat you" gets a bunch of videos on YouTube with that title... is it a common expression?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
11,807
Location
Nowhere
its a common expression from the world of therapies
 
OddballOut

OddballOut

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 15, 2020
Messages
57
Location
Canada
I just sort of freaked out about some dirty dishes, feels like I'm doing them all the time, but I'm just sick of the routine rut I'm stuck in.
oh geez! dishes! bleeh. i dysregulte bad when it comes to dishes. glad I'm not alone.

have you talked to your bros about their dishes?
Something I learned in therapy too- people can't mind read. So, if it's not brought up, even things we think should be so obvious to others! but if it's not spoken out loud, they probably don't know.

And if they know and still just leave them all out- have you discussed with them what their responsibilities are, living there?

it kinda sounds like you think you "owe them" ? but you can't drive yourself crazy over it.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,265
Location
London, ON
to a point, it's true that how we act and react can teach people how to deal with, or use/control, etc, us.

It's like this - you start a new job, you're a bit insecure in it, and you want to make a great impression. So, you put up with unfair treatment, do extra work, never complain or stand up for yourself -because you don't want to risk your job. The people you work with may very well decide that easy to control and exploit person IS you, and treat you according to that model.

You've taught them you will put up with unfair treatment, and unless you become more assertive, you will always be the low person.

If you are angry and hostile, people will begin to treat you as though you are always unpleasant.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
B Social Anxiety Forum 3
I Social Anxiety Forum 4
Top