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'you are the cause of my depression'

Wynn

Wynn

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What do you say to this when told it by friends / partner? And is it ever true? thoughts please anyone?:unsure:
 
N

Nutter_09

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hiya,
Were you told this by someone who has depression??
It's hard when you don't know the full story but from your post it does not seem fair.
I myself have severe depression, and my mum and sister are both also quite down which is "my fault" !! This does nothing to help really.
 
Wynn

Wynn

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Hi Nutter! Yes - I was told this by my husband, who believed it with great conviction for many years - mainly because he believed I could 'cure' his depression, but was choosing not too. He (very) recently has said that he now thinks that maybe he was wrong (I think he is no longer depressed). I could discount that as skewed perceptions caused by the depression, but a good friend (who I'm pretty sure is bipolar), has also said this to me, so I am wondering whether maybe it IS me, but cannot figure out what I am doing wrong, if it is. :( :confused:
Hope that adds a bit more info ?
 
T

TabbyToes

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I've heard it before a lot. I think that we can affect other people's moods some of the time ~ by our own moods and words. That doesn't mean we are the cause of someone else's depression.

Have you asked your friend why they think you cause their depression?
 
ms_P

ms_P

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Hi Nutter! Yes - I was told this by my husband, who believed it with great conviction for many years - mainly because he believed I could 'cure' his depression, but was choosing not too. He (very) recently has said that he now thinks that maybe he was wrong (I think he is no longer depressed). I could discount that as skewed perceptions caused by the depression, but a good friend (who I'm pretty sure is bipolar), has also said this to me, so I am wondering whether maybe it IS me, but cannot figure out what I am doing wrong, if it is. :( :confused:
Hope that adds a bit more info ?
Hi Wynn,
I would tell your husband and your friend that they are responsible for their own mental health and well-being and for them to blame it on someone else when it goes wrong is very juvenile,...in my opinion.
 
Wynn

Wynn

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I think what you say is very true, Tabby Toes. I have tried asking my friend, also my husband, but they both don't want to discuss it. I feel at a loss for what else to do, as I can go round and round in self introspection trying to guess what it is, and end up getting no-where! That's mainly why I'm asking the question on here.
 
T

TabbyToes

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I feel at a loss for what else to do, as I can go round and round in self introspection trying to guess what it is, and end up getting no-where!
I think I do that too. I do it less now than I used to, because I've learnt to recognise it. My mother has chosen to blame everyone in her life (except herself) for when she has depression (she's allowed to have it, she has children ~ I don't have children ergo I have no reason to be depressed!).

Yes, I can appreciate that my mood have in the past affected those around me (just as other people's moods have affected me) but that doesn't mean that I am the cause for someone to have depression. So I try now to stop thinking about how I have caused someone's depression and just ignore the comment.

Still hurts though and still affects me, I just don't try and find the reason now or blame myself. Maybe one day...

I'm sorry for what you're dealing with.
 
C

canmix

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If you complain a lot and have a general "glass is half empty" attitude then it can be wearing on a relationship & at some points that can spark an angry/frustrated word.

But answering your question are you the cause of anyone elses depression? Absolutely not, people have to take responsibility for themselves if they can't do that then they are still in denial & haven't really started on their road to their own recovery.
 
Wynn

Wynn

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Thanks Tabby Toes!

It's really good to be able to talk to someone about this - and the way you deal with it seems very wise to me.

Can Mix - I agree that being around someone who is overwhelmingly negative most of the time can be very wearing, and maybe being negative is something its possible to fall into the habit of, without being aware of it. I don't think that I am a 'glass half empty' type of person - I certainly don't think of life in those terms. I do think that often we find what we go looking for in a person. None of us is 100% bright and bubbly, or 100% down all the time - probably more like 50 / 50 (when not depressed anyway). You can 'catch' people being positive or being negative. Maybe how we interpret people is really up to us?
 
T

TabbyToes

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the way you deal with it seems very wise to me.
I think it would be more accurate to say the way I'm trying to deal with it! I've had some good psychologists who've helped me a lot. Sigh... If I could just put everything they tell me into action, I'd be perfect.
 
Wynn

Wynn

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That's true for everyone! (y)
 
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