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Years of treatment with anti-depressants and I still feel very bad?

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Budal202

Member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Brazil
Hi guys, this is my first post. I decided to look for a forum to help me because honestly I don't know what to do anymore.

I consider myself a survivor. I'm not panicking, I control my anxiety like a master. I'm not suicidal, I can still hang on, but I often wonder how long.

my super short story:
diagnosed with hyperactivity 6 years old, didnt took any medication. started with marijuana at 15, alcohol at 18, and then at 21 with MDMA. One day after taking a large amount of MDMA I had a panic attack and I thought I had fried my brain. I went into depersonalization / de-realization. I've been there for 8 months. did treatment with lexapro and therapy, and that was not all I needed, I had to develop a whole structure of my ego in 2 notebooks, and study psychology and neuroscience obsessively for months, tried meditation, yoga, supplements, therapy, consulted several psychiatrists, finally I got better, but I started to become alcoholic and have problems with cocaine. I was always feeling very uncomfortable. My anxiety is not about being thinking about the future, it is more about feeling uncomfortable, I feel a tightness in my chest and drinking alcohol was the relief, which ended up being a trigger for cocaine. Anyway, recently I stopped using alcohol and cocaine, and all other drugs, except marijuana. I managed to cure myself using naltrexone after years of searching. For those who don't know, search on youtube for a Tedx talk about the Sinclair method. it is a drug that you take 1 hour before drinking and it inhibits the release of reward endorphins and is 80% effective. I am cured of that, at least.

I had been using Venlafaxine for 8 months, 150 mg, I even took 300 a day, the highest dose: no difference, I still felt the same. I switched to lexapro because I remember that in past I could feel a little comfortable using it, however, nothing, I still feel like garbage with 20mg of lexapro. A VERY relevant thing that I can tell you: I have used MDMA many times in my life, which is a drug that releases a lot of serotonin, and I always felt VERY comfortable when taking it, the way I believe a lot of people feel normally, and if I could feel just 15% of that i'm sure I would already feel a little better, but i think i must have problems with my serotonin mechanism. In other words, that MDMA serotonin always left me as I always wanted to feel. I would feel light and happy, I wouldnt feel unconfortable. I haven't used it for years, now I'm exercising, I ride 25 miles a day, I have a wonderful girlfriend, I have my apartment, I'm extremely smart and qualified in my job, everything is fine in my life, except for the discomfort.

I wonder if there is any medication that could help me in this line of reasoning of MDMA, something that would make me more comfortable since anti-depressants are not getting it. I would like to ask you for help, with your experience, because as I said, I am not suicidal, but when I see stories of people like Chester from linkin Park, someone who, however much fun it was with everyone, showed to be struggling, and i identify. I keep thinking how long can I handle feeling bad like this.

Thank you for reading. <3
I forgot to mention that I am actually diagnosed with GAD and ADHD, I have tried amphetamines like ritalin and it only makes me more uncomfortable. I have a lot of idea that discomfort is linked to the serotonin system.
Also, I know that the best person to talk about it is my doctor, however, I already went to 7 different psychiatrists, and most of the actions that helped me, like searching about naltrexone, doing therapy alone, came from my own search on the internet. I do not want to belittle the medical specialists, but I live in Brazil, honestly many times I had to explain about treatments to them, because they are all inserted in an old-fashioned box that doesn't work. I am looking for possible treatments or drugs to talk about with my psychiatrist.
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
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Nov 18, 2019
Messages
943
Location
South America
Excuse my ignorance, what is MDMA?

Im on the same line. Antidepressants dont get me out of anxiety or depression. The only one that really made a diffetence was one called Trazodone that I was using for sleeping purposes. However i moved out from USA and they dont sell it where I currently live. I feel that antidepressants just help me to survive
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
943
Location
South America
Excuse my ignorance, what is MDMA?

Im on the same line. Antidepressants dont get me out of anxiety or depression. The only one that really made a diffetence was one called Trazodone that I was using for sleeping purposes. However i moved out from USA and they dont sell it where I currently live. I feel that antidepressants just help me to survive
Ok I already know what is MDMA.
 
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Budal202

Member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Brazil
Hi Marianda! Thanks for replying.

MDMA is a drug, more commonly know as Ecstasy. It works realising a large amount oF serotonin, which is the sane neurotransmitter involved in the action of SSRI but in a different way. It makes you a lot Happy but is neurotoxic and when you comedown you feel depressed and anXious.
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
943
Location
South America
Hi Marianda! Thanks for replying.

MDMA is a drug, more commonly know as Ecstasy. It works realising a large amount oF serotonin, which is the sane neurotransmitter involved in the action of SSRI but in a different way. It makes you a lot Happy but is neurotoxic and when you comedown you feel depressed and anXious.
Yeah I googled in the internet. Going up with those drugs leads to a terrible crash down. I never used ectasy but one time I tried Tramadol and felt in heaven. However the next day i was so depressed. I really descend to the inferno. I was taking trazodone to sleep and used to wake up extremely happy specially at the begginning. And there was no crash down afterwards. Thats the best I found in the market.
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
943
Location
South America
Hi Marianda! Thanks for replying.

MDMA is a drug, more commonly know as Ecstasy. It works realising a large amount oF serotonin, which is the sane neurotransmitter involved in the action of SSRI but in a different way. It makes you a lot Happy but is neurotoxic and when you comedown you feel depressed and anXious.
Yeah I googled in the internet. Going up with those drugs leads to a terrible crash down. I never used ectasy but one time I tried Tramadol and felt in heaven. However the next day i was so depressed. I really descend to the inferno. I was taking trazodone to sleep and used to wake up extremely happy specially at the begginning. And there was no crash down afterwards. Thats the best I found in the market.
 
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Budal202

Member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Brazil
I searched about Trazodone. It is legal in my country. Good tip! Ill do more research and talk to my doc. Could it be a hope?
 
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Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
943
Location
South America
Yes its definitely legal . I bought it in Usa. It was prescribed to me by the psychiatrist. Many people had a terrible experience with trazodone but it really worked for me. I was taking celexa ( Citalopram) as antidepressant during the day and Trazodone to sleep because trazodone makes you sleepy. Im living in Lima and there is no celexa and no trazodone. Im taking lexapro that caused me all sort of problems
 
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Black Despondency

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Mar 29, 2020
Messages
277
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United states
A list of what you have previously taken for medications would be helpful to start with. I need to go to sleep now. I research psychiatric medication information for fun. It took me decades to emotionally stabilize. When I wakeup I will checkout this thread.
 
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Budal202

Member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Brazil
Hey black i aprecCiate the help. I had taken 20mg lexapro, combined with alprazolam, Rivotril, those benzos sort of helped but i know they are addictive so I avoid. Venlafaxine 150mg, some antipsychotic 50mg that i Don’t remember the name, sertraline 150mg. I guess Thats it.
 
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Black Despondency

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Mar 29, 2020
Messages
277
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I think your amygdala is one of the causes of your anxiety. One of the reasons marijuana can be effective for anxiety because it reduces the communication between the front and back of your brain.
I have taken propranolol, before and it helped reduce my symptoms of anxiety especial the physical ones, but the duration of the effect after taking a dose didn't last long, but I was taking the regular form not the extended
duration form. I think I was prescribed 10 mg six times daily, I don't think I ever actually adhered to the schedule.
My bad short term memory is working worse than usual it took me a decade to write that. I just started doxepin for sleep two days ago. I wish I could take trazodone for my sleep, but the sexual side effects I get could lead to priapism.
 
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Black Despondency

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Staying with a one psychiatrist can be very helpful. Usually being hard to manipulate, but willing to give you some options. The more a psychiatrist witnesses their Guinea pigs reactions, to medications the better they can treat you. Many psychiatrist have a lot of wisdom that they have gained through treating patients. The longer you are with a psychiatrist the more open to different types of treatment they become assuming you adhere to your treatment and don't abuse your medications.
 
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Black Despondency

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Messages
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I think medications like propranolol can a good test, of the possible causes of anxiety. Chronic anxiety can cause depression. I can have no thoughts in the foreground of my mind and have physical anxiety symptoms. This can be caused by subconscious thought looping or just your brain physically malfunctioning.

I have found quetiapine and duloxetine to be most effective to stop intrusive thoughts like suicidal ideation, I would assume it's partly because they help my subconscious quiet down. Escitalopram helped me remember and possess horrible repressed trauma nightmares. I don't have them anymore. I wish I kept taking it, but the when I had the nightmares they lasted all night because my sleep was so bad at this point my body was staying in rem sleep trying to recover. My body doesn't always tell me how tired I am until several sleep deprived.
 
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Black Despondency

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Have you had any common side effects that have stopped you from taking medications? I usually get dry mouth or sexual side effects that are physically uncomfortable.
 
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