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Years Being Sad

JessisMe

JessisMe

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As a person who suffers from depression I am often sad and do not take part in other pleasurable things that “regular” people do. I don’t go out, party, I have never dated with frequency, I have never married, had kids and I have very few friends. I think through all of this depression had me focused more on the negative and had a hard time seeing normal people activities as pleasurable. Looking back I can see how much I missed out on at least in part due to depression. Does anyone else feel this way?
 
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indigo6

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I understand :hug: I dont know how old yu are but be kind to yourself. Its how it is.
Hey parties are overrated anyway x
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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I understand :hug: I dont know how old yu are but be kind to yourself. Its how it is.
Hey parties are overrated anyway x
Every time I was at one I would just freeze up.
It’s like I didn’t relate to people having fun.
I’m not sure what it is but I have to attribute it to the depression...what else could it be?
 
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indigo6

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It could be social anxiety Jess but also depression casts a dark light on everything. Its like why bother, thats stupid, whys everyone so happy/excited, which..may be right really. It knocks confidence too so you may feel self conscious, feel awkward and want to retreat.
Do you feel nervous or any sign of anxious?
 
Princess Zelda

Princess Zelda

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I'm sorry about this. I can relate. I feel like my depression started when I was 13, and when I got older and was in high school I wasn't enjoying anything in life. Now that I'm 25, I feel like I'm not enjoying my twenties. I guess I just try not to focus too much on it, and try to pay more attention to staying healthy. But it's hard because I feel so insecure. I try to focus on my hobbies, movies and video games I like. Doing all that while slowly trying to get my life together seems to be working. I try not to compare myself to other people and focus on improving myself instead.

I hope you feel better soon. :hug:
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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It could be social anxiety Jess but also depression casts a dark light on everything. Its like why bother, thats stupid, whys everyone so happy/excited, which..may be right really. It knocks confidence too so you may feel self conscious, feel awkward and want to retreat.
Do you feel nervous or any sign of anxious?
I think I felt anxious because I couldn’t understand or relate. I also have a hard time when people smile.
 
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indigo6

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Feeling unlike others or that you dont react the same and being conscious of that ?
Why smile? what is it about smiling? do you feel you have to smile back, forced?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feeling unlike others or that you dont react the same and being conscious of that ?
Why smile? what is it about smiling? do you feel you have to smile back, forced?
Feeling unlike others and that I don’t react the same. Smiling literally pains me and it’s pains me to have other people smile
at me.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Could you be feeling this way possibly be due to the fact that you’ve felt ostracized for a good part of your life due to hirsutism? Feeling stared at and not feeling accepted can have a huge impact on self esteem and the ability to feel like you belong.

While I don’t have hirsutism I am a fairy hairy woman. Some women don’t have to even shave their legs. I can’t relate to that at all but I can certainly relate to being ostracized.

I’ve got what’s called trimethylaminuria and get ostracized due to that and it’s extremely difficult for me to be around people socially. The disorder is crippling in the social department and no amount of counselling will help. The only thing that would help would be if I didn’t have this.

If I absolutely HAVE to go to a social event like a funeral or wedding where I’m going to be around others, I’m so on edge that I make others uncomfortable so I’ll sit as far away from people as I possibly can. Having a lifetime of this as well as having a variety of mental health disorders has a huge impact on mental outlook concerning socializing.

There are times when I want to break down crying when I see others, especially woman, having fun socializing and being a woman yourself, you know how catty woman can be. Being around men was just as uncomfortable, perhaps even more so but only the extreme rude ones would ever comment about it and that was when I was younger.

What I’m getting at is that when you have disorders that make you stand out from others where you feel ostracized, the accumulation of that rejection can feel devastating and have a lasting impact to mental well being. What happens is you start rejecting yourself. You replay the things said to you which hurt including how people looked , what they sounded like and how you felt at the time and play these over and over again. Then when you go out you look for people to feel offended because you are expecting it so you fulfill your own prophecy so to speak.

This portion of your life gets emphasized more than the kindness you receive from your neighbour or passing stranger. Your entire life is seen through these hurtful filters and you start self hating. Now not only do you feel outside ostracism but you’ve ostracized yourself which is the biggest betrayal of them all.

The best thing I did in my life was to move to the country where people aren’t so close and I don’t see many of them. It was like moving to a whole new planet and had a profound impact an my life.
I’m not sure how old you are but I think you’d love the country. You can walk down a country road or country trail and not meet a soul yet see plenty of wildlife who don’t judge you. Country homes have apartments and such too. Just sayin.’🥰

When this pandemic happened, it didn’t have a huge impact on my lifestyle because I already lived an isolated lifestyle and already practiced social distancing. I was somewhat happy that others were also. That might sound selfish, but thats how it is.

It’s taken me most of my life to discover that I have this metabolic disorder and knowing this and that others have it also, was such a relief. I now focus on hobbies that I’m passionate about as well caring for myself and my surroundings so I’m as comfortable as I can possibly be.

Practice pampering yourself. Be the friend you want to have.Self love and acceptance is like an art form or skill that’s needs practice. If that’s all you focus on for one month, it’s a game changer and hopefully a lifestyle change you’ll adopt to.

When you are different from others it makes them feel somewhat uncomfortable and people don’t like that but just know that there are many people throughout the world feeling that pain of rejection and know that there ARE solutions to feeling better.

Sorry for the ramble. 😬😷
 
W

wonke29

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Mar 22, 2020
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30
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Moldova
As a person who suffers from depression I am often sad and do not take part in other pleasurable things that “regular” people do. I don’t go out, party, I have never dated with frequency, I have never married, had kids and I have very few friends. I think through all of this depression had me focused more on the negative and had a hard time seeing normal people activities as pleasurable. Looking back I can see how much I missed out on at least in part due to depression. Does anyone else feel this way?
In my case of depression I think that being rational is the only solution. I feel cuddled by this song. I hope it will make you feel good at least for a few minutes:
We can't fall any further if
We can't feel ordinary love
And we can't reach any higher,
If we can't deal with ordinary love
I also agree that it helps to not compare yourself to others. We are all beautiful beings... We are alive, we have bodies, we can feel so many feelings and emotions. We can see, imagine, visualize. We have infinite potential. We have external power but also internal power. I think it helps to choose your friends wisely so that they match you, without letting yourself becoming paranoid. I hope this helps. :)
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,743
Location
Nashua NH
In my case of depression I think that being rational is the only solution. I feel cuddled by this song. I hope it will make you feel good at least for a few minutes:


I also agree that it helps to not compare yourself to others. We are all beautiful beings... We are alive, we have bodies, we can feel so many feelings and emotions. We can see, imagine, visualize. We have infinite potential. We have external power but also internal power. I think it helps to choose your friends wisely so that they match you, without letting yourself becoming paranoid. I hope this helps. :)
Thank You :hug:
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,743
Location
Nashua NH
Could you be feeling this way possibly be due to the fact that you’ve felt ostracized for a good part of your life due to hirsutism? Feeling stared at and not feeling accepted can have a huge impact on self esteem and the ability to feel like you belong.

The hirsutism is a result of hormonal changes and is relatively new. I was never really rejected by others as much as I have not been able to relate to the concept or practice of cultivating relationships in my adult years which I think is strange.


While I don’t have hirsutism I am a fairy hairy woman. Some women don’t have to even shave their legs. I can’t relate to that at all but I can certainly relate to being ostracized.

I’ve got what’s called trimethylaminuria and get ostracized due to that and it’s extremely difficult for me to be around people socially. The disorder is crippling in the social department and no amount of counselling will help. The only thing that would help would be if I didn’t have this.

I should look into this, thank you.

If I absolutely HAVE to go to a social event like a funeral or wedding where I’m going to be around others, I’m so on edge that I make others uncomfortable so I’ll sit as far away from people as I possibly can. Having a lifetime of this as well as having a variety of mental health disorders has a huge impact on mental outlook concerning socializing.

There are times when I want to break down crying when I see others, especially woman, having fun socializing and being a woman yourself, you know how catty woman can be. Being around men was just as uncomfortable, perhaps even more so but only the extreme rude ones would ever comment about it and that was when I was younger.

Having few friends doesn’t bother me as much as I think it’s strange.

What I’m getting at is that when you have disorders that make you stand out from others where you feel ostracized, the accumulation of that rejection can feel devastating and have a lasting impact to mental well being. What happens is you start rejecting yourself. You replay the things said to you which hurt including how people looked , what they sounded like and how you felt at the time and play these over and over again. Then when you go out you look for people to feel offended because you are expecting it so you fulfill your own prophecy so to speak.

All a good point. I reject opportunities to sociolalize with people in general because it causes me anxiety based on my inability to relate to them so I avoid them instead.

This portion of your life gets emphasized more than the kindness you receive from your neighbour or passing stranger. Your entire life is seen through these hurtful filters and you start self hating. Now not only do you feel outside ostracism but you’ve ostracized yourself which is the biggest betrayal of them all.

I ostracize myself out of a discomfort in relating to other people I think. It’s like I have nothing to say...I don’t relate to them. I don’t see them ostracizing me as much as I feel awkward and so I just avoid them. Even if they are close by I will generally avoid them. I can make small talk but it’s mostly out of politeness or self consciousness than a desire to connect.

The best thing I did in my life was to move to the country where people aren’t so close and I don’t see many of them. It was like moving to a whole new planet and had a profound impact an my life.
I’m not sure how old you are but I think you’d love the country. You can walk down a country road or country trail and not meet a soul yet see plenty of wildlife who don’t judge you. Country homes have apartments and such too. Just sayin.’🥰

Sounds lovely...hehehe...

When this pandemic happened, it didn’t have a huge impact on my lifestyle because I already lived an isolated lifestyle and already practiced social distancing. I was somewhat happy that others were also. That might sound selfish, but thats how it is.

Me too.

It’s taken me most of my life to discover that I have this metabolic disorder and knowing this and that others have it also, was such a relief. I now focus on hobbies that I’m passionate about as well caring for myself and my surroundings so I’m as comfortable as I can possibly be.

What a luxury!

Practice pampering yourself. Be the friend you want to have.Self love and acceptance is like an art form or skill that’s needs practice. If that’s all you focus on for one month, it’s a game changer and hopefully a lifestyle change you’ll adopt to.

All good thoughts

When you are different from others it makes them feel somewhat uncomfortable and people don’t like that but just know that there are many people throughout the world feeling that pain of rejection and know that there ARE solutions to feeling better.

I just wish I could have a desire to be around people or relate to them better. Being without many friends makes me very close to my family.
It would be nice to have people I could do things with though or who could be a support outside my family...

Sorry for the ramble. 😬😷

I appreciate the time and the thoughtful reply!
:hug:
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Ok then.
My mistake 😏
So sorry. 🥺
Just wow!
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Nashua NH
Ok then.
My mistake 😏
So sorry. 🥺
Just wow!
No worries it’s a perfectly reasonable guess.
It’s a weird behavior and have wondered if it points to autism or something. I also have difficulty communicating outside of writing, smiling and engaging with the world in general...it’s very strange...I have actually been quite attractive at different points of my life and still had this impossibility to blend with people. So frustrating and bizarre!
 
Keesha

Keesha

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No worries it’s a perfectly reasonable guess.
It’s a weird behavior and have wondered if it points to autism or something. I also have difficulty communicating outside of writing, smiling and engaging with the world in general...it’s very strange...I have actually been quite attractive at different points of my life and still had this impossibility to blend with people. So frustrating and bizarre!
My ‘intention’ on writing all that is that after a while of not socializing or fitting in, it’s becomes very difficult to adjust for whatever reason. Not feeling like you belong is depressing and I was like this since I remember. Sometimes I think I’ve got some form of Aspergers which is a form of autism.
I’m truly sorry if anything in my post offended you. It honestly was the last thing I wanted to do.
 
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