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xmas dinner with gran

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Helena1

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i am thinking of having xmas dinner with the family including my gran. i dont like eating with other people but i am getting better at it. it is just my gran. i havent seen her since boxing day except when she drove past me once and waved and see only lives 5 mins from the family home. also my grandad died and i didn't see him when he was ill or go to funeral. also she gave me some money months ago and i didnt write her thank you note. i think she will hate me as i am such an awful person.

i would like to eat with them though. gran already knows i am home and would be upstairs in my room other wise. thanks mum!

also they family except me are going out on boxing day to restaurant. she already knows i am not going. i really cannot eat out.

i dont know if i can hack it though. my brother loves to be center of attention so that is good i wont have to talk much and i would be doing all the cooking so could stay in kitchen most of time.

would it be okay if i went to my room half way through if it got too much? i could say i got revision to do? i need an escape plan.
 

MarlieeB

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I think she will just be happy to see you, knowing how hard you find it being with people and she will see just how much effort you are making. I'm sure she will understand if it gets too much for you and you need to escape.

xxx
 
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Richter

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I think if she is still coming that she most likely knows what your situation is.

I feel kinda weird giving advice on this because I'm not 100% over my issues, but I read your message and feel I have to say something because you are already building it up in your mind as a massive hurdle that you just can't overcome. If we should be comfortable around people eating it should certainly be family, they are (usually) the people most accepting of our flaws.

Let me guess what happens when you're eating. Your eyes are darting around wondering if anyone is looking at you, or your head is down hoping that nobody notices you and asks a question. Maybe you're thinking 'is anyone looking at me?', 'Do I look weird eating?', 'I don't like this feeling, I need to escape.' Just stop. Learn to focus your mind on something else, whether it's daydreaming or in this case the food. What is making the situation uncomfortable is not the situation but your own thoughts. Block that stuff out, don't heed it any attention when it crosses your mind.

I'd imagine it'd be worth talking to your Gran about this for a few reasons, 1. She'll be more understanding, 2. She's probably lonely after your Grandad's passing, 3. Most older people know their stuff, they have been through so many social situations and they come from a more time when socialising meant socialising.

Anyway, that's all I have. Good luck to you. Remember, you're not going to your execution, you're spending time with people who love and accept you for who you are, flaws and all.
 
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Helena1

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if i didn't think i could do it, i wouldn't be contemplating it therefore wouldn't be writing a thread about it. i was just giving anyone who read it a full picture of the situation.

the main thing i am worried about its that i don't have anything interesting to say. my eating issues has nothing to do with social anxiety.

anyway it doesn't matter as i changed my mind.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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I think it's very wise to have an escape plan.
Nothing wrong with saying you need to do some revision.
Or perhaps, depending on what gifts you get, you want to go and read your new book/listen to your new cd/whatever is appropriate.

Think it's better that you try and then get away if you need to than hide away. :hug1:
 
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Helena1

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maybe next xmas.
 
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