Writers block...

[ame]

I joined the forum at 12:00pm and now it's 12:43 and this is all I've managed to write. Perhaps this is why I can't get the help I need...
My name is ame. I'm 20. I don't drink and I no longer smoke. I have never done any recreational drugs, although I did abuse over the counter painkillers for a while in one of my darker periods. I guess I'm here because I want to know what's wrong with me, and how to tell my doctor that I think she's wrong.
For as long as I can remember I have had whatever's wrong with me, and I've always kept it to myself as much as it would allow me. The only person who know's everything about me is my husband to be. We're getting married next year but my symptoms are putting strain on our relationship and I'm scared of losing the only reason I have any fight left in me.
I was diagnosed with depression when I was 15 and I was put on fluoxetine. After months of it having no effect stopped taking them, stopped going to see my GP and refused to admit I still had a problem.
Went back to my doctor earlier this year, got back on medication, Citalopram, up to 40mg at the moment and I thought I was doing okay but about a week ago I had a breakdown and can't get back up again. Where do I go from here? I know that's probably a question that will be answered with more questions but I don't know what else to say now.

 

[Dollit]

Episodes take time to recover from. I was suicidal in July (seriously suicidal, not my everyday suicidal) and was within 2 hours of doing the deed. I talked to a police officer I know to say goodbye and he had a response unit and an ambulance on standby within minutes for me. I've just about got over that. I've had amazing support from my friends (one in particular) in the real world, fantastic support from two people on here and from my colleagues in my voluntary work. I couldn't have done it alone.

So start off here, make some friends, build a support team and don't worry, you don't have to do it all today. We have a blogging section called Journals - lots of us use that. Sometimes I use mine to talk seriously but some evenings it's me and Lucid and Paradox behaving like fools - either way it works.

And welcome to the forum.

 

[rollinat]

Welcome to the forum Ame. Do you have any support other than your GP and fiance? - counsellor or CPN? Maybe it's worth another trip to talk to your GP about how you're feeling.

Take care of yourself and I'm glad you found the forum.

Rollinat

 

[ame]

Rollinat - No counsellor or CPN (which is?). I tried to get an appointment with my gp today to no avail. Try again tomorrow I guess. But I just know I'll freeze up again when I get in there and only tell her half the story or as little as I can get away with. It's so stupid.
Dollit - Journal seems like a good idea, but beware, you've unleashed a pretty big can o' worms.....

 

[Dollit]

Can of worms or not you spill all if you need to x

 

[rollinat]

CPN is a community psychiatric nurse - I have one who is there for general support and to offload to - she has been a real help.

If you are worried about not being able to say everything to your GP you could try writing it down and taking that in (I've done that before and I think they're used to it). You can try to start a journal here and print some of that out to take to your GP if you wish.

 

[Lozzi_1004]

Hi ame and
Don't worry about thinking your going to open a can of worms a lot of people like to have their blog/journal as a place to let off steam and to have rants or even just to have a chat! The chill out cafe is a good place for silly stuffs too!

Rollinat has come up with a good idea, maybe you could take in a blog (which you could start here?) to your GP, when you manage to make an appointment? I've been advised by my keyworker (kinda like a CPN I suppose, J's there to make sure I'm alright) to keep a mood diary but I write in my blog pretty much every day so I just print that out and take it in (lazy ) I find it hard to start talking about how I'm feeling too, but once I get going you can't shut me up and everything just spills out.

I hope you settle in nicely here