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Would welcome any thoughts, guidance and advice

M

Michaela01

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
7
Hi,

I am in a relationship with a truly wonderful man who also happens to suffer from General Anxiety Disorder (since his teens). I say that he is a truly wonderful person with conviction; I know that deep down he is kind, caring, loving with a tremendously big heart.
However, when he is dealing with his anxiety disorder, it completely takes over and can turn this man that I love so much into a self-absorbed, selfish, borderline rude and mean personality.
He has been going through a lot in his life the past several months, from his father having had a very serious heart surgery to a difficult work situation to several bouts of flu.
This has meant that for the past several months, his anxiety has completely consumed him to the point that his anxiety and how unwell he feels is the only thing he talks about.

I would welcome any advice in how best to handle it, how to best help but also when to draw the line.

I should also add that I have largely due to a number of challenges in my own life (no mental health problems, just general life stuff relating to my business, etc) gone through a few years of upheaval. This has led me to doing a lot of reading on the course of spirituality that I can honestly say has quite literally saved my life. I firmly believe that what is important is the essence and true being and that the GAD is not what defines my partner. I know that behind it all he is nothing but pure love; however, at the same time I am human and occasionally when I am at a weak point, I react when I know I should not. For example, yesterday I blew a small fuse and in a moment of despair I told him that not everything in this world is about him and his anxiety.

So in summary, I really would welcome any thoughts or guidance/advice that you may have; I have done a tremendous amount of reading on GAD, what one should say, what one shouldn't say, etc etc. At the same time, I would really like to understand it to a much greater detail and actually hear from individuals who are going through it and who can perhaps explain to those of us that are not dealing with it what really goes on in the mind of a GAD sufferer.

I thank you all in advance.
 
frogsplash

frogsplash

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
235
hi, it sounds like it is at the point where he should seek professional advice about his anxiety so they can determine the best way it can be treated
 
M

Michaela01

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
7
Yes, he has been to a myriad of doctors his entire adult life, tried multiple drugs - all with varying degrees of success; a low dose of Prozac is what seems to help him best
BUT I completely agree; he needs to go back to see a professional; what we also discovered is that he has a MTHFR gene mutation that in a lot of times can manifest as severe anxiety; but it is not as well known among the medical community and they tend to discard it
But in a nutshell, yes, he needs to be seen to again professionally but is resisting it at this point given that all the drugs that he has been on over the years have not done a whole lot to help him
 
frogsplash

frogsplash

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Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
235
has he tried Pregabalin for anxiety?
it's very easy going on the system usually without all the side effects you typically get with SSRI meds. you can take up to 600mg every 24 hours but many people dont need that much. you tend to start around 100mg every 24 hours and build it up from there if necessary
if you are in the UK perhaps you can ask for a pregabalin prescription like i get. for many people like myself it is excellent for stopping anxiety dead in its tracks, and can be taken long term, ongoing, without building up tolerance or losing effectiveness etc

some start up side effects can be some dizziness and sleepiness but that should pass as your body gets used to it (i dont get dizziness or tiredness from it anymore)
 
Last edited:
M

Michaela01

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
7
Thank you for this
I will ask him if he has tried that
He probably wouldn't mind any sleepiness as he has not slept properly in months so this would probably be a welcome relief
Thanks again
 
antimatterTek

antimatterTek

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Joined
Aug 6, 2018
Messages
82
Location
USA
It sounds like how I was with my wife when we first started dating. Thank god she did not dump me.

I have schizoaffective disorder. I would range from weeks of debilitating depression only to be followed by a couple of weeks of severe mania.

When I am manic, I am smarter, quicker, more creative, but I am also very paranoid and irritable. In one week I created an all Flash site (for you youngsters - it was a website that was like a video you could navigate through) for my web design business. By far my best creation. It is too bad Flash got phased out because I loved that site. I have it saved, but not the same. I wanted other people to experience it.

That site got me into a trade magazine with a full page spread of images of my work and a small bio. I still have several issues. I used to have the page hanging next to my desk as a motivator, but it really reminded me of treating my wife like shit so I took it down.

My wife is the most caring and beautiful inside woman I have ever known. Her love is truly unconditional. I felt bad because I had lured her in and dropped this pile of mental illness in her lap once she fell in love with me. She told me she did not care and we would deal with it together.

We got me into some better treatment after having to move our wedding date due to my hospitalization. So now for the first time in my life I had a reason to get stable and stay well. I started going to therapy at an adoption therapy practice (I was adopted). I had the best therapist. After awhile, my wife started coming to my appointments with me so that we could find coping techniques together. It was quite helpful.

Here we are 10 years later and all that we have been through, we truly are inseparable. Nothing can stop our love for each other. I understand how fucking rare that is, but she saved me. Literally.

You should get your husband into therapy. His anxiety and other symptoms can be controlled (for the most part) with medication. There is a trick to it -> You have to wait and see. Then tweak. Then wait and see. Then tweak again. It usually takes about 2 weeks for a change in meds to kick in. Sooner or later, you are going to find the right cocktail of medication to improve your life immensely.

I got a new doctor when I moved and she is the best I have ever had. She immediately tweaked my meds and I felt more alive, less like a zombie and lost 60 lbs. I am very stable now after 4 years of moving here.

Try to remind yourself that the way your irritable, maybe even cruel or mean husband may act towards you is not him, it his illness. Think of it as though he has diabetes because mental illness is a medical problem - it is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. You would not fault him if he had to eat a special diet (bad comparison I know - dinner does not yell at you), but do realize it is medical and as such requires medical attention.

I would suggest joint therapy because you are the other half of the issue. You can be there and make sure he is being accurate in his interpretation of the events. Your ideas will be vastly different. There you can find common ground and after the right meds, you can live a life of happiness and love again.
 
M

Michaela01

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
7
Thanks very much for this.
I would and will never leave him due to his GAD and have also said to him that we'll deal with it together. I do believe that at the end of the day love conquers all.

My challenge is that he seems resigned to a life immense anxiety and he continues to say that nothing will ever help him. And hearing this does raise my blood pressure somewhat because I am of the school of thought that something can always be done (and yes, silently in my mind I judge him for his victim mentality but in this I am probably being unfair). I should add that he has been through a myriad of doctors - all of whom have put him on tons of medication over the years; all the I guess typical psychopharmacological drugs - some have helped a bit, others rendered him the way he puts it 'completely useless'. What seems to help him a bit is a low dose of Prozac.

I am a yogi and all that comes with it - tried to get him to try it also because I know how much it has helped me - but then I am talking of a 6'3" guy who is built like a bear and he finds the concept of yoga just too ridiculous for him....

But yes, all kidding aside, I think the answer will be to get him to go back and see a proper doctor and therapist again and the concept of joint therapy sounds like a good idea actually.

Thank you for your considered response.
 
M

Michaela01

Member
Joined
Aug 8, 2018
Messages
7
Hi,
I just wanted to let you know that thanks to your very kind suggestion, my partner began pregabalin about a week ago at 150 mg a day (two doses of 75 mg twice a day). After the first two days he began to feel calmer and less anxious. Unfortunately, another 48 hours later, the anxiety kicked in again full force BUT that is because he stopped taking benzodiazepines from one day to the next cold turkey - obviously not a smart thing to do and he is now looking to slowly taper it off.
As of tomorrow evening, he will increase the pregabalin by another 75 mg for a total daily dose of 225 mg. He has a lot of hope for it (as do I!) that this will work and will enable him to slowly also be able to withdraw from the benzos.

I was hoping to be able to ask you in terms of the pregabalin, what you have learned in terms of needing to take it long-term or building up tolerance to it; I know that in your earlier note you mentioned that with pregabalin there is no worry about the body building tolerance on it and that it would loose its effectiveness? What about withdrawal symptoms if he needs to come of it at some point? And is this a drug that will need to be taken longterm?

Reason I ask is that my partner is in Australia at the moment vs I am in the UK and the medical professionals in Australia are not as well versed on pregabalin for anxiety as the doctors in England are.

I would be incredibly grateful for any guidance you may have.

Thank you so very much in advance.
 
A

Adam O

New member
Joined
Sep 7, 2018
Messages
1
Hi all I'm not really sure what to say it or how to say it!!!! I'm in a difficult time at this min and I don't want to live any more it hoppens to me every now and then but this time it's bit different the feeling and emotions are lot stronger now then before and it's really hard to control it.
 
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