K
kubelkabondy
New member
I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to be alive anymore. I don’t have any suicidal thoughts, but I do go to sleep every night fantasizing about never waking up.
I am halfway through a really stressful program studying something that will guarantee me a good-paying and stable job once I graduate, but more and more I feel that it isn’t the right choice for me and it’s a career that I’m not going to enjoy or be naturally good at. But I’ve invested so much in making it this far and it would be really embarrassing to quit now and look like a failure to friends and family. I know that quitting isn’t the same as failing, but that’s how it would look to many.
I am married and my husband is working full-time at a job he doesn’t like to put me through school and pay our bills. I am so afraid of how he would react if I told him I wanted to quit school, and I’m honestly not even sure that that’s what I want. I just know that right now it’s giving me so much stress and anxiety I don’t know if I’ll be able to pass my classes this term.
I love my husband very much. He has always taken care of me and he has sacrificed so much for me but we are on totally different wavelengths, and as time goes on I realize more and more how little we have in common except for the shared experiences we’ve had living together for a decade. We have totally different values, interests, and tastes, and as a result we don’t communicate much even when we’re in the same room. He knows that school is stressful for me, but he has no idea the extent of my anxiety and I don’t know if he’d respond well if I told him. He is having his own struggles with depression and stress related to his career and I don’t want to add to that, especially since he’s sacrificed so much for me to make it this far.
On top of this, COVID has made me realize how lonely and alone I am. Before COVID, I had a few local friends I would hang out with from time to time, but ever since the pandemic started I haven’t been seeing anyone. I know this is not abnormal due to social distancing and quarantine, but I’ve barely been in touch with any of my friends and I think this whole thing has just revealed to me that most of my relationships are not very deep.
My mom died suddenly just a couple years ago and ever since then I have had very little joy in my life. I was close to her, and aside from my husband she was one of the few people who called me regularly and really cared about what was happening in my life, the other people being my sisters.
I feel like a failure and I feel like everything is getting worse – my marriage, my anxiety, my performance in school, and thanks to COVID (and other crises going on), the whole world around me.
I am trying to remain hopeful that things will get better once I finish school and the pandemic goes away, but it’s so hard to see beyond all the more immediate things that I’m dreading, including waking up every morning and facing the day.
I don’t know why I’m putting this out there – I guess I need to hear some encouraging words as I have no one to talk to about this. Or to know that I’m not alone.
I am halfway through a really stressful program studying something that will guarantee me a good-paying and stable job once I graduate, but more and more I feel that it isn’t the right choice for me and it’s a career that I’m not going to enjoy or be naturally good at. But I’ve invested so much in making it this far and it would be really embarrassing to quit now and look like a failure to friends and family. I know that quitting isn’t the same as failing, but that’s how it would look to many.
I am married and my husband is working full-time at a job he doesn’t like to put me through school and pay our bills. I am so afraid of how he would react if I told him I wanted to quit school, and I’m honestly not even sure that that’s what I want. I just know that right now it’s giving me so much stress and anxiety I don’t know if I’ll be able to pass my classes this term.
I love my husband very much. He has always taken care of me and he has sacrificed so much for me but we are on totally different wavelengths, and as time goes on I realize more and more how little we have in common except for the shared experiences we’ve had living together for a decade. We have totally different values, interests, and tastes, and as a result we don’t communicate much even when we’re in the same room. He knows that school is stressful for me, but he has no idea the extent of my anxiety and I don’t know if he’d respond well if I told him. He is having his own struggles with depression and stress related to his career and I don’t want to add to that, especially since he’s sacrificed so much for me to make it this far.
On top of this, COVID has made me realize how lonely and alone I am. Before COVID, I had a few local friends I would hang out with from time to time, but ever since the pandemic started I haven’t been seeing anyone. I know this is not abnormal due to social distancing and quarantine, but I’ve barely been in touch with any of my friends and I think this whole thing has just revealed to me that most of my relationships are not very deep.
My mom died suddenly just a couple years ago and ever since then I have had very little joy in my life. I was close to her, and aside from my husband she was one of the few people who called me regularly and really cared about what was happening in my life, the other people being my sisters.
I feel like a failure and I feel like everything is getting worse – my marriage, my anxiety, my performance in school, and thanks to COVID (and other crises going on), the whole world around me.
I am trying to remain hopeful that things will get better once I finish school and the pandemic goes away, but it’s so hard to see beyond all the more immediate things that I’m dreading, including waking up every morning and facing the day.
I don’t know why I’m putting this out there – I guess I need to hear some encouraging words as I have no one to talk to about this. Or to know that I’m not alone.