Would love to hear your psychosis experience. I'll tell you mine.

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ToniToniToni33

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Feb 17, 2018
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West Midlands, England.
#1
I am bipolar 1. Was in hospital twice last year for a total of 4 months.

Sometimes I thought as I was being held against my will in a strange place, it must mean that I am in a military base, and I am either a secret agent, or a psychedelic super soldier, whatever that is!!

At one point, the top of my head blasted off, and I flew through space at the speed of light, and slowed down time. I was pure energy.

I left my body, and archangel Michael wrestled with me, helping me to win the battle of good and evil.

I was a deity with the power to go back in time and change the course of history.

I saw a psychedelic Jesus.

I had a vision of gold.

I was a computer programmer, who had created the universe with code.

My anger was so powerful that with one thought I could wipe out the entire human race with a nuclear bomb.

I thought that me, my Mom and her boyfriend had been somehow planted into our lives by the government as part of a secret experiment, because we all had special powers. Maybe my Mom and I were the witches, and my Mom's boyfriend was the secret agent, who genuinely loved us so he was a double agent. This was part of a deeper conspiracy, possibly involving aliens.

If a certain song came on the radio, I thought they played it on purpose because that song is meaningful to me. Obviously MI5 are at the radio station,telling them what to play, whilst also watching me with the secret cameras that are hidden all over my room.

Sometimes other secret agents unknown to me would communicate with me. Rather than speaking so others could hear, they would shove their crossword into my line of vision, so that i could decipher what was meant by their crossword answers.

I thought I was a powerful spiritual healer. I thought my magic was healing the world.

My manic psychosis was for the most part enjoyable and exhilarating, like when you are a little child playing games. My delusions were fleeting and weren't particularly fixed. My thoughts were very disordered at times. Sometimes I felt paranoid or angry which wasn't very nice. I will treasure the memories forever, and I felt so depressed afterwards, because I would happily stay in that magical state forever. I am a lot more recovered now, and feel very positive about looking after myself and building a happy life where I am stable.
 
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Kerome

Kerome

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Sep 29, 2013
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Europe
#2
Your psychosis sounds not entirely dissimilar to mine, I also had a manic psychosis, with the difference being that I tried to stay grounded and keep my beliefs to the normal world, so for me it was more vast amounts of voices swirling past me and telling me stories...

I had an enlightenment experience where a vast energy poured down into the top of my head and filled my body and altered my mind, making my self disappear

I met a pair of voices that gave me an eye exam and said, “isn’t it amazing that a detail as small as this makes him what he is”, and downloaded a lot of magical / occult data on parchment pages into my left eye, as if it was a flipbook

I was once walking through a farmers field, totally confused, while the voices told me, “you have destroyed humanity” whenever I turned left, and “you have saved humanity” when I turned right

I met a voice saying it was God while walking along a path near my mums house

I wrote the meaning of life late at night, but in the morning the piece of paper I wrote on was gone

There were many other instances - asteroids with alien bases, special agents chasing me, a long story about telepaths. It was a confused and wrought time with many stories, often no longer than a few hours or a day, and it was followed by a prolonged depressed period.
 
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Hotpastelita

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Feb 26, 2018
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#3
I don't know but on the past weeks my life change in a good way, there is someone telling me that things are going to be better that he is gping to take me home that i must be happy and i feel i feel the light is si so Amazing is LOVE he is gping to take me home in Pléyades, i must be a good person here and I was depressed until i can feel every color ir so bright i think i need help and someone is there for me maybe is a delusion but now i can feel and see love and beauty everywhere is corny but nice
 
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Hotpastelita

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Feb 26, 2018
Messages
6
#4
Love Is the only way to find peace the only way to heal, to be happy, i AM here to tell his message Love is everything... I AM sure is for real because he talk to to me inside my head is a sweet and tender message turn off your brain turn up your heart.
 
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BornAStar

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May 8, 2017
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#5
My psychosis started about 5 years ago.At first i was only suicidal but then i got wild in the hospital and they had to tie me down.But only once they should've tied me down,the second time they tied me up to bed was because the situation was this : When first tying me a medical technition asked me if i love BDSM and I went to the nurse room and called my mum,trying to tell her one of the medical technitions asked me this but they took a phone away from me.Then I refused to lieve the nursing room until i talked to my mum and then the tied me up.I first started having hallucinations about 1-2 years ago.At first I just saw bugs but then I started hallucinating people and cats.Once I had a conversation with my grandpa in front of the bathroom,to only find out he wasnt there at all.I've been hospitalized for 5 times ,each time because i was suicidal.They diagnosed me with organic psychosis.I started having delusions about me being a scientist,about neighbours watching me,the outside forces,that i view world in some other kind of dimension,that devil was out to get me,the nurses in the hospital were plotting against me and similar.When I was hospitalized couple of years ago I had one of my epilepsy attacks and the nurse accused me of lying.So yeah Ive been through a lot but now i'm in remission,taking Lorsilan/Lorazepam,Mirtazapine (although currently i'm not taking this) ,Zoloft,Akineton,Lamotrigin,Clozapine and Haldol
 
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Green89

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Jul 8, 2018
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#6
I had a psychotic episode a few years ago and ended up in hospital too. I thought my parents were trying to kill me, that I could change the weather, that the nurses and doctors were out to get me. I thought everyone was after something. i started seeing things brighter and more jelly like, i just totally lost touch with reality. ive had a similar experience recently brought on by stress, but i haven't told anyone for fear i will end up back on the psych ward!

its so hard trying to explain to people about psychosis as most people tend to think it is a 'madman' illness. wish there wasn't so much stigma attached to psychosis... and its not all about drugs, ive never been a drug user but i suffered paranoid psychosis!
its so good to hear from people who have been through similar things!
 
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Acacia_f

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Aug 10, 2018
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#7
Ghosts and saving the world

I had a manic psychosis when I was 22 and it turned out to be really creepy! I was sure that I was followed by ghosts for all my life and each time I was moving to an another place, they kept coming back for me because I was a medium. In my home, they were multiple ghosts plus one man that hanged himself in the living room before I moved there and that was haunting the place. I still have nightmares about this when I am really anxious or confused. I also was chosen by God to save the world with my medium skills and I was quite sure that the weather was against me, sending me strong wind and storms. I even saw a demon face in my bedroom and thought that it was my grand-mother who just died (she's still well alive today!) and she was sending me demons to scare and torture me. I've been really lucky to not end up in psych ward! But maybe that would have helped me with the massive depression that followed this psychosis.

The next one was caused by antidepressants. I didn't know I was bipolar and took antidepressants... I soon became manic and it's been an euphoric moment, it lasted 4 months where I was sure that I was the reincarnation of Jimi Hendrix, himself being the reincarnation of Charles Beaudelaire, that I was meant to be a rockstar and die young. No ghosts this time but lots of sex and drugs haha! Ended at the hospital this time and diagnosed bipolar type 2.

Since then, I watch myself about psychosis, especially since my dad died of it. Thought he was the reincarnation of Jesus and that he had to end up his life in order to punish all the bad people in the world in an another state of existence... jumped in the river, found dead. Very sweet from his part but totally useless... so be careful out there!
 
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Mr Ploppy

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Nov 1, 2018
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#8
I had a psychosis where I thought the Police were trying to kill me and everyone was ‘in on it’ it was brought on by PTSD and following a real problem with the Police (not psychosis)

The biggest problem was when I met anyone I thought the police had got to them, and were instructing them on what to say to me and my house and phone was bugged and under surveillance, the Police just playing a waiting game with everyone in on it (literally everyone!), just waiting to kill me.

This lasted 4 months, I was sectioned twice then committed suicide after a very acute episode where I though the Police were waiting in the loft of my house and ready to make there final ‘move’ on me and kill me.

I have never known anything like it in my life.

Have you ever had a dream so real.
 
Macka

Macka

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Jan 19, 2018
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Location
Australia
#9
I only just found this thread. I don't come here often but I really needed to write today.
I had a breakdown in 2014 from 7 yrs of bullying in my workplace. (triggered by complex ptsd from 1993) :low:

I'd delved into new age practices as a way to treat my mental health. I was pretty good at it too, but didn't have mentoring or advice. Plenty of self-help books, an analytical mind and medium practices combined with very serious mental health issues was a Molotov cocktail for my brain and central nervous system. :eek:

I embarrassingly remember telling a co-worker once that I knew where a (then) recent missing international flight was and there were survivors. My eyes were bulging and I was in a panic over it. She looked at me weirdly which really puzzled me. "Why wasn't she taking me seriously?" I thought.

It wasn't long after that my brain broke. :drunk:

I spent months at home staring into space at things floating around the room; talking with dead relatives or people on TV giving advice and basically living in a state of delusion or psychosis, anxiety, depression and panic.

Like many on this thread, I most certainly should've been hospitalised, but living alone I had no-one to assess me. My doctor didn't believe in MH breakdowns from a psychological/psychiatric perspective and just gave me AD's. Of course they didn't even touch the sides so I begged her for something to help me sleep.

I eventually volunteered myself into a psych ward at the request of a phone crisis service. It was the best decision of my life.

I thank the Universe for years of training in health/community services. When I had moments of clarity I knew I needed more help than was being offered. Finally getting good quality sleep saved my life. I think I would've ended my life had I not been given the Zanex.

When I experience stressful intense triggers, I still see people on the television telling me what to do, but I'm self aware enough now to take a deep breath and self talk my way back to reality. Or, if that doesn't work, it's a low dose PRN Zanex.

Some days I think patting ourselves on the back for all the hard work is necessary to remind us how far we've come and keep us connected to our physical reality. We put too much emphasis on the life we live within our minds.

Kudos to all who've overcome their psychosis. :clap:

Cheers... :dance:

...Macka :flower2:
 
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RoxyJade11

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Nov 13, 2018
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15
#10
I think that there is a key in my head(near the back) put there by aliens when I wad 10 as I got abducted at that age. I get agressive when I think peopke are trying to steal the key. It is the key to the universe and could end the virutal reality simulation that we live in.
I am also special as I am from a beautiful planet. I am trying to take all the good people there to save them from dieing when the world ends. I have to keep this key really safe.

I also think people are trying to kill me, I dont trust people. People laugh at me and call me fat. I see things in my peripheral vision.
I really am fucked in the head when I am having an episode. Seriously wtf.
 
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Goofball

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Nov 26, 2018
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#12
My comparably mild psychosis

I had a psychotic breakdown a few years ago. It included a suicide attempt that obviously and gladly so failed, and me hearing a lot of threatening things. The worst part wasn't that the voices threatened my life but my family's life too. That was about 50% of why I went suicidal, other part was them threatening to kill me very painfully and slowly. As a gullible person I bought it, thought the voices were sneaky people and that a lot of people somehow accepted what I was put through, so I had nobody to talk to. I used to be emotional, but I feel that and medication took my emotions away. Sorry for anyone reading this if I come across as too heavy, this is just the blunt of what happened.

I have a survivalist side and I think what the voices said came from there, trained and tested me to threats, and I did quite poorly. Later on the voices made me believe I was in a reality show and that the voices were being broadcasted from a device secretly implanted within my head. If only I had known how common it is to hear voices. I had no way to tell what voices were a figment of my psyche and what not, except when people in close range talked. Sometimes I mixed even that up.

The whole episode was triggered by maybe the heaviest stress in my life, and weed. Weed made me paranoid, and made me hear things. But it went away the next day or two. This stress-induced psychosis lasted more than a month.
I got out of it in the hospital, ended up there by explaining my delusions to the police to save my friend's life, even though she wasn't actually in any danger. Medication, lack of stress, stable environment and therapy helped me recover.

I've had some awful side-effects from medication so am stopping it gradually. I had one relapse a year ago due to not taking meds and was hospitalized for a little while. That relapse helped me to understand my psychosis and gave some tools to how to deal with it, like helped to recognize what's voices in my head and how to live with them even when they say the nastiest things. So am seeing light at the end of this tunnel.
 
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TigerShark

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Dec 14, 2018
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#13
Im posting way later but i just got here. I like the idea for this thread so ill just leave my own psychotic journey here as well. It began when i dropped out of school and started living on the street. I began walking, with no specific destination in mind. It was simple at first, i was seeking Altruism. I believed it was a sort of path which never ends but you must continue or else youll loose it. I began to hear voices, of people i know, but also of famous people i admire. Apparently the world is in grave danger and i must sing it into a new existence so i walked up to the mountains, only consuming water for about a week and no sleep whatsoever. This only took me further from reality. I stood atop the mountain in the moonlight and sang in tounges all night. My voice began to sound really powerful and i believed myself to be some kind of herald to the new world. The cold did not affect me as i was somehow summoning heat with my chi. It felt so powerful and real. Time was slowed by my worsening psychosis so i thought the new sun must be in creation. Then i woke up in broad daylight, still on the mountain top. The land-owner found me and asked why i was there. I could barely speak. After being treated to breakfast i told him i must leave for the airport immediately. I walked back down the mountain. After that its a bit blurry. I know i climbed on 18 wheel trucks and rode around till i was completely lost. My random sense of direction took me to my fathers house where i finally got rest and food. I then saw my imagination unfold into a more and more magical reality that surrounded me and interacted with my thoughts. I was a ninja blessed by the moon and my mission was to become a great fire mage. I burned my arms with a blowtorch to absorb energy for my flame-throwing hands. Then i grabbed my skateboard and left for the streets again. This time i went to the country-side where my mother's vacation home is. 8 hours of skateboarding off of trucks. I arrived during mushroom season (yes the kind i did not need to be eating) and made tea with my friends. Overall a positive experience. But then i was at the house alone and began to have painful childhood memories of the place and came to a conclusion: an epiphany that to free myself of the past and become a true fenix i must rise from the ashes. So i set fire to the whole place and left my skateboard inside (not myself, which would make more sense). The fire turned my journey from freedom to persecution. The police eventually caught me and took me to the big scary mental institution in the city. Ive been to hospitals in three countries and that was by far the worst. They pumped me full of lithium and other horrible drugs. After 2 months i was allowed to leave, completely grounded in a painful reality i dont like and which i still cant seem to escape from. I feel similar to Toni in the sense that i prefer the magical world to this one. Because the meds dont really make it normal, they just make it boring enough to act like normal.
 
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SashaF

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Dec 17, 2018
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#14
Hi I'm new here, just seen this post and wanted to share some of my experiences. I realise it's a bit late too but feel it's a good place to introduce myself. I've had manic episodes bordering on psychosis for years and dealt with them with medication and support. 3 years ago the medication wasn't available and I quickly lost touch with reality. I saw smoke and soldiers in my next door neighbours garden there were snipers but I was protected by a higher force. I believed i was royalty and people i knew were too we were disguised for our own protection. At one point I could hear an army marching up the street believing they were going to rape and murder everyone. Bombs were due to destroy the area where I lived any minute. It resulted in me walking the streets trying to break into cars and garages to get away. I got sectioned into an picu. There were many other thoughts, theories and conspiracies i believed but that's the gist of it. Fast forward to now and I have been hallucinating and delusional for a few weeks I'm on medication again so hopefully this will help. While there were aspects of my psychosis that I enjoyed the majority was a scary dark place to be. Thanks for taking the time to read this 😊
 
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simonr1978

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Dec 22, 2018
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#15
I'm not sure if these entire count but earlier this year I was in A&E and whilst admittedly heavily medicated I had a number of dreams/hallucinations.

The Blue dream was me crawling through tunnels carved through the moon, below the surface it was a blue coloured crystal structure.

The Yellow dream was me in the middle of a firestorm, I can recall the fires swirling around me. I didn't feel heat or like I was being being burnt though.

The Red dream, I was staring into a pit of demons, their skin and flesh was red but their teeth, eyes, tongues, etc, weren't. I didn't feel afraid.

The Green dream was the most vivid, I was standing on the dock underneath a black night's sky with a pale moon. On a dark sea stretched out before me was a long line of increasingly old ships from second world war battlecruisers to Elizabethan men o'war slowly moving toward the horizon. Nearest to me was HMS Hood (I read her name plate) last thing I can remember was reaching out and touching her hull which was made of a green slime.