Would it be better to end it?

[Nutter_09]

I am at that point now where I feel (And am told) how hard it is for everyone around me to cope with me being depressed. Last night I had a serious suicidal thought but I just can't do it.
My thoughts at the moment are
Am i being rational with my thoughts or am i being totally stupid and selfish???

Had a row with my boyf coz I feel like its me making all the effort and also My sister took my diary of thoughts. I found it in her room, all my pages were missing and she used it to write in. She is not young - she is 25! Am I being silly by being sooo mad about it???
I hate feeling like this.

 

[KP1]

Your sister should have respected your privacy so you are right to be annoyed. At the end of the day you can't help being depressed even if it goes on for a long time. I've been in this state for 2 years now and my family are fed up with it too. Look after yourself as thats the most important thing you can do.
Take care.
KP

 

[intelgal]

The thing with thoughts is they feel real and when your depressed nothing feels very clear.

The reality is that your sister was OUT OF ORDER (sorry to shout) but the writings where your thoughts and they are personal and none of her business.

Your thougths seem to me as though they are getting overwhelming and from the bottom of my heart recomment you get some help today.. ring the smaritans... NHS direct your gp a and e ... you deserve the support and are worth it.

 

[Nutter_09]

Thanks all,

I think I am a the bottom today. I need to had it out with my sister. I have a counselling sesh later so hopefully that will help.

Just going back to bed - might seem brighter when I get back up!!

Thanks again.

 

[messymoo]

Your sister should not of invaded your privacy like that it is out of order and you should have it out with her. I also really hope your couselling session helps today I have been feeling at rock bottom too lately and having suicidal thoughts it is so hard but don't give up

 

[Jo1760]

Hi Nutter,

How are you feeling today?

I'm not suprised you were mad at your sister, you really do have every right to feel like that, those were your private thoughts you'd written - surely she could see that? I think it was very unfair of her to do so.

In terms of your suicidal thoughts - I truely understand how painful and almost disorentating they can be. I dont think until someone has experienced them, thye can understand how they make a person feel. Are you on any meds at the moment? If so I hope that these thoughts are something they can reduce for you.

Have you sat down and spoken with your family about how you are feeling? or given them any info about depression to read. There are a couple of good books/ web sites that may help to give them at least a little understanding as to how you are feeling (ket me know if you want the details and i'll post them ). I think because they dont get how much it effects every area of a person life, most statemnets in the media concentrate on the feel low, loosing self esteem etc... not the physical effects which are equally terrible also. Just to add though, i think you should be really proud that you were able to say to them that you have depression. Your a strong person for being able to do that and i really admire your courage.

Take care and let us know how you are geting on.

X

 

[jamesdean]

I would just like to say nutter 09 like the others have said in reply that its an illness n it isnt your fault, so try not to be so hard on yourself.

 

[Nutter_09]

Thanks all for your kind advice,
but the fact is that no matter what advice I get, what Meds I am on and what I say to people, it's still there. I am on meds, go to counselling and have tried everything with my family. I have no job, no money and everytime I try to sort myself out, something just kicks me back down.

I know I wont ever even try suicide, it's not an option for me but it's just soo hard. Sorry to winge on, I am actually feeling OK tonight - but it wont last!