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Would I be get reported if I confide this horrible act of mine to my therapist? Please Help!!!

J

Jack511

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
2
Location
India
I have just started therapy. And after the first session, I experienced immense anxiety while thinking that I would have to tell my therapist about the horrible things that I had done in my past. I don't want to leave anything that could act as a hindrance in me living a happy life. But maybe I don't deserve that happiness...

To give you all a brief: I was homeschooled since I passed my 10th standard, so I had no interaction with any female outside of my family. I found myself sexually attracted to one of my immediate relatives (not comfortable describing who it was) but was elder to me. Then one day I touched her in that way when she was sleeping. Oh God! it's so difficult to even talk about. That person became aware of my actions, but chose to be silent so it doesn't ruin my future. She acted like I did nothing. To be very honest, her silence gave me the guts to do it again. And then she started to maintain a distance. And now she acts like that nothing has happened. I know that I'm shit who should rot in an asylum.

I really can't even imagine the mental trauma I must have put that person through for her entire life. Really, I feel that. I can't imagine that she would have to live her whole life by keeping such a thing buried inside of her. At the same time, I don't have the courage to come out and say it out loud that I molested somebody, punish me please. Disown me please. I am not justifying me doing all this. I am shit. No doubt in that. I should be punished, this is what I'm scared of. But maybe this is what should be done to me. My past is haunting me now. I want to confide to somebody. But what if my therapist would report me to the authority and it ends up breaking my entire family. I have done it in the past. I don't know if therapists are allowed to report an incident of sexual abuse that has happened some years ago.

When I started therapy it was for other reasons, but out of blue this gruesome act of mine came to my mind and now I feel like sharing it with my therapist. I feel that I don't deserve a good life because I have done such a horrible thing. Suppose, when I would be with someone in the future, I would firstly have to tell her partner about my past acts so that she can get a sense of what kind of an asshole I am before committing to her. I will definitely tell her though, she has all the right to know.

I won't lie, so also at the same time I feel like I need someone to tell me that I am not my past. I am too hard on myself, and this is giving me anxiety, too. But maybe I deserve something worse than this. I do not think that I would hurt myself, but still I think that I am not worthy of living a happy life.

Should I tell my therapist about it? Would I be get reported for a heinous thing that I have done in the past ( still heinous, doesn't matter when I did it? How do I ask my therapist about what he is supposed to report without giving out too much and putting myself into trouble?

Very sorry you had to read this. Very sorry!!!!
 
L

LadyDomino

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
524
Location
Dorset
Have you spoken to this relative and appologised?

I don't know what the legal situation is in India, but in England what is said to a thereapist or doctor is priviledged information and I don't think can be disclosed unless there is a risk of immediate serious harm to yourself or others (please feel to correct me if this isn't the case).
 
kimidare

kimidare

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
155
Location
France
In my country, therapists must report only if you are a danger for yourself or others, like LadyDomino said.

I don t know if it s a good idea to go talk to your relative about that. Do you think she remembers that ? If not, it can be difficult for her to suddenly learn/remember that.
I think that in the case where she doesn t remember, it would only help your own conscious to apologize, and it could hurt her.
You probably should ask advice to your therapist.

At least you regret your act.
You can t erase the past or what you have done, but you can work in the present to make the future better.
Talking to your therapist can be the beginning of this work.
Everybody makes "mistakes" (some worse than others), but you can t be defined by one thing you have done.

Try to do good things, to create some positive.
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,108
Location
Scotland
The records kept by therapists and counsellors can be accessed and brought forward as evidence in Court. Talking about the UK.
 
Zana

Zana

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
136
Location
England
The first thing to do would be to ask your therapist for a clear explanation of the rules of your sessions. I think it's pretty widely accepted that doctor-patient confidentiality is honoured in all but the most extreme situations (for e.g. intent to commit a serious crime).

The key here is that you regret your actions and want to move forward. A friend of mine once admitted to bullying and touching a kid in the year below him whilst he was at school, and he showed no real remorse, and he never made any attempt to make amends or even apologise. He has turned in to a very selfish and bitter person. He used to be very pleasant to be around but now he pushes everyone away and blames others for everything.

By contrast, you feel horrible about what you did, which means your moral compass is correct and you are a good person. The only way for you to move forward is to face your past and confront your fears head on, voluntarily and with conviction. Otherwise you will always carry this burden and condemn yourself to a life of suffering, just like my friend.

Any psychiatrist worth their salt will have heard many similar stories and their job (and often purpose in life) is to help people overcome and move forward. Sometimes you just have to give a little trust in order to get what you need. A psychiatrist is just about the best person you could give that trust to.

Thank you for sharing your feelings on here. I am actually struggling with a similar issue and just reading and replying to this thread has helped me realise what I need to do myself, too.

All the best. You are a good person, don't ever let go of that.
 
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