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Would appreciate your opinion

C

Caacorka

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2014
Messages
4
Hello all and thank you for reading.
First let me say that I'm a brand new member not only here but have never sought advice/confirmation/compassion online though I have read my fair share of forums and other information. I know how painful it is to read essays so I'll try to keep it as short as sweet as possible.

Woman, in my 30s, in long-term relationship, no children, struggled with mental health issues for years, had counsellor due to depressions, wasn't very helpful, cyclically repeating bouts of depression continued. After a breakdown on holiday with friends (after not sleeping for more than 3 hours for over a week, heavy drinking and seriously attempting not-entirely-normal things such as feeling complete clarity and sobriety after 10 beers and suggesting to be the designated driver) I have come to the conclusion my problems might be more on the bipolar scale. This was 'confirmed' by my partner. Found a psychotherapist, have been going for more than 3 years, no medication, problems slightly less extreme, but still bouts of fairly severe depression, more frequent suicidal thoughts. My partner suggested changing therapist and/or getting medication, however I have serious problems with distrust and it takes years for me to start trusting anyone so idea of 'trying out' new person seems very daunting. Psychotherapist doesn't like labels, has not confirmed bipolarity or anything else, believes in 'finding source and treating it' instead, however finds it difficult to break my very strong defence mechanisms and get in. I have always been against medication (in my own case, not generally), however, it seems increasingly difficult to go through these bouts on my own. I don't have any 'support ring' - my therapist and my partner (loving but not compassionate) are the only people that know about me, my condition and my state. Even writing this anonymously online took me essentially 10 years since my problems escalated. Very good at 'keeping up appearances' which is however very, very draining; friends, acquaintances and work contacts know me as essentially jolly, smart, 'fun to be around' kind because I go out of my way to avoid exposure when down. Working alone. Fiercely independent, in 'up' state refusing all help and then... then comes the down again.

So here goes - what would you do? Continue with current psychotherapist, find a different one and start again, seek 'proper' medical diagnosis and treat with medication or something else?

I know lots and lots of similar stories appear here everyday so thank you for taking the time reading and replying.
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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25,043
:welcome: to the forum.

Personally if I felt that I wasn't happy as such with how I was treated or had questions about dx I would either talk to your current one, harshly with your partner there with you or seek a second opinion.

You don't need medication straight away. Of course if you feel it is best for you then go for it but being able to talk about it might also help.

I think though it would be helpful to have a diagnosis that is 100% confirmed but be warned, you might not hear what you want to hear and sometimes it takes quite a long time to get a proper diagnosis, I have heard of people here having all kinds.

Take care

Marliee x
 
B

bill.toy

Active member
Joined
Sep 13, 2010
Messages
27
Location
North East England
I would say both!!

You obviously have trust in your psychotherapist but that doesn't mean that there isn't something else out there that might help (principles of combination therapy - 2 things working better together than either of them alone)

Lets look at the facts

1. Things are not as you would like them to be - you are obviously seeking help
2. You have some insight into your condition - and know you can lose that insight when becoming elated or very depressed - so those are not the times to make decisions.
3. You can seek an appoinmtnet with the more 'medical' mental health services - i.e CMHT / Psychiatrist - (start point is your GP) to enquire about mood stabilising meds (and don't worry - unless you are actually posing an imminent risk to yourself or other people you WON'T be whisked off to hospital).
4. At the end of the day you can choose whether to take them or not - the choice is still yours.

happy to talk to you more privately if you wish - [email protected]
 
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C

Caacorka

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2014
Messages
4
Thank you both, it's extremely helpful already, just the notion that there actually is someone who cares out there. It may not have been immediately obvious from my original post as I have the habit of using rational description in order to distance myself from my emotions, but I'm currently in the throes of depressive episode and feeling lonely, useless and effectively clutching at straws. So thank you for supplying them.
I agree that now is not the time to make big decisions, if only I could somehow persuade the 'other me' that comes after I start to feel better to actually act and not fall prey to the stupid belief that it won't happen again.
I have actually visited psychiatrist before (big problems sleeping) but found myself... if not outright lying then certainly obstructing the truth. Why? Because I can't bear to appear what I perceive of as 'weak' in front of others (same reason why my social circle doesn't know). I know it, I know it's not helpful, I know that if I want help I have to stop... yet I can't. Two years it took to start fully trusting my therapist, two years to start trusting my partner (and we already lived together at that point). The very idea of going to see someone new and waiting another two years before something starts happening is just... horrid. I am even going to regret writing all this in couple of days/weeks/months (whenever the current state ends). And this block is so strong nobody can get through it. And what's worst is that I realise all of this and can do absolutely nothing about it.
Anyway, sorry for another rant, I was just meaning to thank for your replies.
 
R

Raache

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 19, 2014
Messages
146
Location
Poland
I would seek help now if I were you. As you said, when these depressive episodes pass, you immediately start thinking that you'll be fine and it won't happen again. I know that thinking. So I think there's no point of waiting any longer, the sooner you take care of it, the sooner you'll feel better.
Best wishes xx
 
C

Caacorka

New member
Joined
Dec 5, 2014
Messages
4
Thank you. I have set the wheels in motion, hopefully this time it will have some effect
 

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