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Worst week of my life :( Please help.

C

Curtis95

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
2
Location
England
Hi everyone,

It's sad that my first post on here will be kinda saddening for you guys to read and I am sorry, I am actually a very happy person overall and love to have a laugh, but please let me tell you my story as at the moment of writing this, I don't even know who I am anymore, I am completely lost.

Basically I split up with my girlfriend of 3 years, 3 months ago, and everything was all weird, up until 2-3 days ago I was still chasing her as I loved her to pieces and wanted her back, I am 24 years old and she was my first love, I never rushed in to these things and thought she was the one, I am not the boy to sleep around.

Anyway around a year ago, I noticed a change in her, just something didnt feel right, I was showing all my love and getting none back, arguments started, things just changed. Prior to all this she gave me an STI twice, but swore it was from her ex and that the first tablets i took didnt work and the doctors said that might of been the case but me being me I totally ignored it and believed her as, she is so innocent, very attractive (only on the outside). From then on I caught her talking to a boy once but she got her mates to prove it was nothing so I also let it go, bearing in mind I am now a bit paranoid of whats going on. I want to believe her but its incredibly hard, she was so close with my parents and she was working for my dad on a full time job that he managed to get her and she didnt have a job.

For months, I thought she liked one of my mates, infact his literally a brother to me, I have known him for 15 years and I would of done anything for this guy, and I mean anything, I even trusted him more than A when I was with her, because I know if anything happened I could rely on him of all people, more than my actual family at times, in the past he saved my life when I was having seizures and we was so so so close, I even met him 4 days ago for a meal then came back to mine to play console like good mates, I literally see him everyday but the last 4-5 months he started getting a bit distant, and also tried getting all his stuff from mine that his left here before.

Every time I questioned him if anythings going on as I just had this feeling he would always reassure me like "wtf mate r u crazy your like a brother to me i couldn't do that to anyone let alone you".

The last year of my lfie has been hell, thinking I was honestly going crazy, I thought my brain was putting these thoughts in my head, and every time i said anything the answer would be, "its because you sometimes smoke weed your heads f*ucked" and everytime I went for a drink I would see them look at each other but it got to the point of where I thought it was me being a shitty untrusting boyfriend, but the whole time my best mate basically a brother was sleeping with her. There was nights I couldnt sleep when she would go out and I would text D and they would either deliver at the same time or not deliver at all so I knew something was going on but he just kept saying its a coincidence, I don't even like the look of her all that stuff.

His like family to me and when I said it to my parents even they said "dont be so silly curtis, liek D would do that to you" so yeah basically the last year of my life has been a huge battle in my head and 3 days ago he admitted to me all this time he has been seeing her and broke down on the phone to me.

I was literally speechless, and now not only have I lost a girlfriend I thought i could trust, ive lost my best mate of 15 years and its like he dont even care, the worst thing is I still love him like a brother but at the same time really want to get some revenge in some way, I feel like im honestly going crazy if i dont do anything but i Know if i were to seriously hurt him I would also feel bad as I am too soft, so many holidays we been on, we literally done everything together and this is what his done to me.

I also found a sex toy in his car a week ago and he got akward, and about 4 months ago the last time I had sex with A, she asked me "does it feel different" and then laughed. I honestly dont know how I deserved this, I feel like my whole relationship was fake, and the girl I took to miami spent my savings on gave my heart to, was just using me, and my best mate who went out for meals played football with was just doing all this behind my back. How can someone be so heartless, all i want for my mates is for them to live a happy life, and if they were to split up with their partner god forbid, I would only try to get them back together.

I have so many sick thoughts another one is as a joke I said to him "when you going to get yourself a girl or a boy who cares" and he went hahah I dont need either thanks and smiled, like how can you be that sick I was crying in the guys arms saying i miss A and he was tellingme i can do better and all that. I just dont get life :(

I don't wish how I feel and what's happened to me to anyone and this is only 10% of the story, I now feel like im never going to be able to trust anyone as I have lost my closest friend who i trusted with my life. I am now a broken man and am lonely hoping for a brighter future.

Love you all,
Curtis
 
Last edited by a moderator:
C

Curtis95

New member
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
2
Location
England
Just wondering if you could give me some pointers to what I should do?
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,408
Location
London, ON
Being cheated on is one of the worst feeling there is. Just remember, it says more about them, than it does you.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

Honestly - it will take some time for this to fade, but it will hurt less one day. The best advice I can give is don't bottle this up -talk to somebody about it.

Sometimes -it helps to pretend you are writing a letter to either of them. Write about how betrayed and hurt you are, and how you see them now. You don't need to send it, but you need to get it all out where you can see it, and understand it.

don't isolate yourself. That wil make it worse. Keep busy, don't sit and brood.

And let us know how you are feeling. At the least, we can be a sympathetic ear.
 
Pisces12

Pisces12

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Lincolnshire
Hi, I’ve experienced being cheated on before and it truly knocks your trust in people and in anything really. But what makes your experience more intense is it involves two people you thought you could trust so it’s a double blow. I would definitely open up and find someone to speak to about it or write a letter like Nukelavee said. Don’t make the mistake I did and leave it festering inside until years later, I thought I was ok back then and I blamed myself which only got worse over time and spiralled into self hatred. It is not us that is the problem it is them. You will learn to trust again and the hurt will go.
 

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