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Worst I’ve felt in a long time

W

Wherethelightgetsin

New member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
1
Hi all. Just joined the forum and am desperate for some support. Will try and give a brief insight and history into how I’m feeling.

I’m in my 30s and for most of my adult life have struggled with depression. Sometimes things go well and other times they don’t. I’ve been on anti depressants in the past but never find any to be that effective. I’ve had cbt and more recently generally talking therapies.

I am married with 2 boys. I have post natal depression at the moment after my baby’s birth in November, after a good spell of a few years.

Have recently relocated so we can be closer to my family after spending the last 10 years in my husband’s home town 200miles away. It was triggered by a family bereavement but had been wanted for a long time.

We haven’t get moved into our new house and so are staying with my sister and her kids, it’s taking longer than expected so everyone is a bit tense and I sense my sister is probably struggling to have us here for such a long period (nearly 3 weeks) even though she was desperate to have me closer too. I’m trying to do as much housework as I can and look after her boys/do school runs on a regular basis but don’t feel like it’s enough for her. We also buy our own food etc. I’m trying to manage all this along with a toddler and a 6m old.

For the last 2 weeks I’ve not been able to shake this really low mood. I’m used to having good and bad days but this is one long bad day. I’m having suicidal thoughts which is the most scary thing as haven’t felt like that in a long long time. I don’t think I’d act on it. Managed to tell my husband but while his response comes from a caring place it is never helpful and always very matter of fact. I want to tell my sister about the suicidal thoughts too but I am worried this is insensitive as the bereavement was actually her husband’s in January of last year, I’m also grieving and obviously trying to make allowances for her moods as it’s still fresh. My aim is to try and give her some context about moods, she knows I have PND yet doesn’t seem to give me a break sometimes.

I also have lots of body image issues and am quite overweight, and have only put on more since having my baby. Have a thyroid test to rule out issues there as I really struggle to lose it. Also have some post natal physical issues which are long term now and make me feel like a freak and give me a lot of pain.

I worry I’ve moved my whole family with the proviso it’ll make me ‘feel better’ and it’s done quite the opposite. Maybe it’s the stress of the house Purchase being so delayed? Not being in my own space? I feel like I’ve made a terrible mistake and my husband will say I told you so!

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. Just looking for some support and advice. Will I ever feel better? Thanks.
 
Lilbubble

Lilbubble

Well-known member
Joined
May 13, 2018
Messages
475
Hi and :welcome: to the forum,

I'll start by saying I'm not surprised you're struggling since you have so much going on, you have 3 of the most stressful times that people face going on all at the same time.

Bereavement, new baby and a relocation, it doesn't matter that the relocation is a positive move, it's still super stressful particularly as it's not gone to plan.

I doubt how much or little you do or don't do for your sister has anything to do with it as she is going through a seriously life changing period herself, you shouldn't look to blame yourself for adding to this in anyway, she obviously wants you close or you wouldn't be living there.

My husband isn't great with know what to say or do for me either, I just appreciate that he is there to listen if I can speak to him.

Have you registered with a new GP? I recommend you do and get an appointment so thy are aware of your current situation and also your previous history.


I hope things begin to improve and you and your family will be able to enjoy your new home very soon.

Stay safe xx
 
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