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worsening of symptoms but it seems to make me happy?

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danmarkok89

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
141
Location
Norwich
Hey!

In the last few months, after a stressful situation, I started having some positive symptoms again, although it's not severe and my insight has remained intact. At first, I thought "oh my god, not now. I can't handle all this again!" but somehow it even ended up getting worse and yet paradoxically I now seem totally ok with it, happy even, so much so in fact that it cheers me up and makes me smile? it always used to grate on me really badly (before I got diagnosed and started on meds that is) but now it seems like it's making me happy? maybe i've totally lost it? maybe i've just made my peace with it all and consigned myself to a life of being symptomatic and yet also being ok with it somehow. Has anyone else ever had anything like this before? Every morning I look forward to hearing something that isn't real and doing some mindfulness, how messed up is that? oh well I guess i shouldn't complain, I don't mind having symptoms if they don't bother me
 
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danmarkok89

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
141
Location
Norwich
to be fair though, historically speaking, I feel that whenever my symptoms have ever been really bad, Someone was either threatening or intimidating me or trying to break into my flat after i tried growing some weed and I only made it worse by trying to arm myself which made me think a load of intelligence agencies were in on the attempted break in and i figured they'd be armed as well, my paranoia just spiralled completely out of control due to threats of violence and the police weren't magnificently helpful either which coupled with some negative experiences i had when I was younger and it just seems like the police are conspiring against me with all the intelligence agencies but now that all seems fine and I couldn't care less. It is certainly starting to look like the threat of the police coming to arrest me over a bit of weed isn't helping either as I have used that to cope in the past and feeds into my persecutory complex which coupled with threats of violence and intimidation, even in my own home and it would certainly seem like that that is when my schizophrenia gets bad, what does everyone else think?
 
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