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Worrying about past and things that have never happened

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vegeta

New member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
2
Okay so I wasn't sure where to post this but basically, I was always tee total I just never liked drinking but when I was about 24 I was a bit depressed and started going out every week getting drunk, I ended up not being able to handle it and went completely off the rails embarrassing myself every week somehow or other or just saying vile horrible things to people.

This went on for about 3 years until I realised I was losing myself and it was not who I wanted to be so I stopped drinking altogether. The problem I have now is I have some sort of fear that everything I ever done was filmed and that someone will upload them to Facebook or the internet or something and every one will be disgusted/hate me from my family to old school friends etc. I know this sounds really stupid and irrational but I have somehow convinced myself this is real and is going to happen I've turned into a nervous wreck and it all I think about, But what's worse after going on for over a year now ive started making things up and believing that's they have happened and worrying about them. eg I know that what ever ive said or done in the past my parents would support me so I started thinking what if someone has filmed me saying horrible stuff about them which I have never done but I just convince myself I have and worry about it, has anyone ever had this where they make stuff up in their head and worry about it???

Its got to the point now where I just cant look myself in the mirror im just walking round I a daze because this is all I think about and its draining me I feel I could just sleep all day if I wanted to, My mum and dad and friends are the only reason I haven't taken my own life because of what it would do to them but I cant see me going on much longer things seem to be only getting worse please could you let me know if you have had any similar experiences and how you dealt with them thanks
 
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volnash

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2014
Messages
566
Yes i will touch a bit upon one of my issues, which for me was medicine related (too low amount) this can be several reasons for, either A i had a reaction to changes in dosage, B i really need medicine or C i solved it due to other reasons which i will specify on.

For 5 months i convinced myself that i had been the victim of a conspiracy, this is what some people would call a psychosis but it wasnt that simple, because i was clear in my head on every other aspect of life, i simply thought i had been selected for navy seal training, as this was one of my dreams but i wasnt accepted due to psychological factors, i never even made it to basic training which was the normal military branch first and foremost, even though i was in excellent conditioning and strength was at the top, they are very strict when it comes to mental issues.

So i was constantly training almost 24/7 preparing myself for when i was going to go to afghanistan, to kill bin laden and the thing is that i was very delusional but to everyone else it just seemed like i was training hard, and i even did krav maga and ran around the woods, i would go back home and be perfectly normal to everyone else, and had no other life but training, but i knew that i would have to end bin ladens life and therefore i was in overgear mode.

I just wanted to share because even to this date i fear that bin ladens followers are gonna show up here, because a part of me still thinks i was there when he was killed, this is just in my head and it just proves how fragile our brain is, simply because even though i know it wasnt real i still have these paranoid thoughts up in my mind, i was so convinced what a bad man bin laden was and therefore he had to be eliminated i would justify it but in the end it was a scenario in my mind that completely drained all my energy and i turned to drinking.

How did i get over it? well with the help of family and an excellent psychiatrist aswell as medication which i know have played a role in my recovery, will i be on them forever? who the heck knows but all i can say is that at days i wouldnt even get out of bed because i was sure terrorists were outside the house, over time it began to fade slowly in my mind, and i started to go out more, and not just live in the woods, this also when i was on medication, so it's just bullshit to me when people say that medication means they cant live a normal life, for me it was the only way.

Additionally i had a wonderful girlfriend and a daughter, not everyone has this but family also played a crucial role, aswell as exercising but this couldnt fix matters alone, and more help was required.

I like what you say about your family and friends keeping you from doing anything stupid, as this tells me that you are a logical thinking person, and that you have some consideration for people around you, just wanted to share this to tell you that it is possible to get back to what we would consider normal in the head, but then again who is normal in this world of ours today anyway? id say take some time to figure out what is really going on, and talk to someone if you need to as it seems to me like you are carrying a heavy load, especially with the imagining that someone has filmed you etc, and making things up, this is quite worrying to me but im not a doctor i just want to adwise you to talk to someone, that's what i had to do to get back to finding myself again.

I had mixed times, some were filled with paranoia and at other times i was out in the woods doing my military training, which consisted of squats, running and picking up trees and boxing in thin air, scaring the shit out of joggers, yeah i was just literally out of my mind, other days i would just be in bed with intense fear so bad i couldnt function.


Just thought id share a bit of my story, and i hope my post has helped somewhat atleast i know what it feels like to make things up in your mind.

Welcome too.
 
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vegeta

New member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
2
Thank You for sharing your experience with me it is relieving to hear its not just me, yes when im not worrying about the past or making things up to worry about, I consider myself to be in a logical frame of mind but I feel the longer this goes on the more im losing it, the thing is I cant see how talking to someone will convince me to think differently when i cant convince myself. Thanks again
 
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