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Worried Wife

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Cammy2006

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2008
Messages
3
Location
Canada
Hello;

I am beginning to think my husband is suffering from some kind of mental illness. He thinks he has to micro-manage the household, criticizes everything I do, thinks everyone is an idiot and he is better than everyone else, rambles on and on about unimportant things (even follows me around the house talking when I try to get away), goes to yard sales and buys all sorts of stuff he thinks we need (we have something like 4 sets of tires for each of our cars!), can be quite irrational...

Because these things have come on gradually, I didn't really see what was happening. He makes me out to be the cause of all the problems in the house... but lately I've realized there is a deeper problem here.

He is also very narrow minded and judgemental and thinks people with mental illness have done something to cause it (like smoking too much pot or overdosing on heroin)... and that councillors are quacks. There is no way he would be open to discussing his "problems" (which he doesn't see) or seeing someone who might be able to help him.

Is there anyone else who has been in this position? This has really taken a toll on my and my teenage daughter. :unsure:
 
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Dollit

Guest
He could be suffering from some kind of mental health problem, equally he could be himself. I have been involved with controlling people and they don't all control in the same way. The last one quiet cleverly put me into a position where I believed I was useless unless I was looking after him or his mother.

What is important here is the impact that it's having upon you and your daughter and you are the people who come first here. It's obviously affecting your mental health otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help. You can't help him but you can help yourselves. Look at the impact he's having on your lives and assess honestly if you can keep on living like that for the rest of your life.

And in the mean time we're here for you.
 
daffy

daffy

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Dec 16, 2007
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15,666
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hiding behind the sofa
Hi there Cammy and welcome.

No one can say over the internet if anythings is wrong with your hubby, but have u thought of phoning a helpline for advice. In Britain we have Mind, Saneline and Rethink which are all very helpful. Im sure u will have something similar where u are. Try looking in your phonebook under helplines.

Good luck
 
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Cammy2006

New member
Joined
Sep 5, 2008
Messages
3
Location
Canada
I know these might sound like stupid questions... but I don't know much about mentall illness.... How do most people find out they are mentally ill? Do they realize it themselves... or do the people around them recognize it first? How do you go about finding out? Do you go to your doctor?

I was thinking of going to our doctor and seeing if he could do something next time my husband was in. The card I'm thinking of playing is that my mother-in-law has Alzheimer's Disease and maybe the doctor can set him up for tests using that as a reason. Do you think thats possible? I even looked into Alzheimer's to see if that is what is happening... but his memory is no worse than a normal 55 year old. (but I have no idea what "tests" there might be)

I wonder if I am pulling at straws hoping to justify his behavior... and Dollit you could be right by saying that could just be who he is (or should I say who he has become because he was not like this 21 years ago when I married him).
 
lucid scream

lucid scream

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Joined
Jan 22, 2008
Messages
672
Location
Looking down from the bridge
everyone os different, but it makes sense to me that those around us realize something is wrong before we do. they might not jump to the conclusion of mental illness, as (no offense) one might just think your hubby is a jerk. he could be acting out for many reasons, unfortunately if he is sick no one can accept treatment for him, he must recognize something is wrong and be willing to try and do something about it himself.

there is no test like alzheimers to spot mental illness, unless he is physically brain damaged.
 
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Dollit

Guest
If someone conned me into going to the doctors in the way you describe I'd be absolutely furious no matter how well motivated you were.

As people we never stay the same - life changes us but not necessarily for the better. Thankfully I'm not the same person I was 21 years ago.

As I said, if this is affecting the life of you and your child then that's what you've go to concentrate on. Google for support groups in your area and get some input from them.
 
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Michael

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Dec 17, 2007
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2,365
Location
East Lancs
Whilst I totally agree with Dollit about 'conning' someone into going to the doctors, this is exactly how my wife got me there a awful lot of years ago. She did it on the pretence of herself and that I went along to support her.

Now I am me and your husband is him, I don't know him or how he would react, but what I can say is that you should look after yourself first and foremost, maybe see a doctor about how the events have and are affecting you from there he can maybe point you into a direction to follow.
As for him then using this information to see your husband I don't think she/he would, but if you are then open with your husband as to how you are and what you are doing about it may help him to reconsider.

It is a tricky and delicate path to travel on, but you MUST foremostly look after yourself, to do it on your own is an onerous task but in conjunction with your doctor and possible support sites like this it may be the way to go, only you can decide that.

I wish you all the best, and hope in some small way what I have written helps, please be assured though you are not on your own and there are many more people out here in this world facing the same dilemnas as you.

Best Wishes

Michael
 
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