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Worried that I didn’t report someone who said something bad

H

Hip30

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Sep 22, 2021
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*Trigger Warning for Violent related OCD*


When I was hospitalized for my OCD sometime in 2017, I was socializing with many of the other patients there. One of the patients said something that was very disturbing, and I feel horrible that I didn’t tell any of the staff about it.

This person was in their 40s, had a very tough life, and ended up in a situation where he is left to care for his two parents alone. He was very stressed out about that and everything else in his life. He was very nice, but there was this one conversation I had with him that was very disturbing to me. It was too long ago for me to remember it completely, but he said that he was going to burn down his parent’s house and that he didn’t care if they died. All said seemingly stressed out with a very scary look in their eyes. I feel like there was more to the conversation after he said that, like me trying to console him and him crying, but I can’t remember.

My memory is hazy about what exactly was said, so I’m not sure if he said he “didn’t care if they died,” or “kill them.” But, I’m also not sure if he said either of those things at all. But I know what he said was to the effect of having that same sentiment.

There were points during my stay when I gave advice that he should send them to a nursing home, since it seems to be stressing him out. But he tearfully told me he couldn’t do that to his parents, as he didn’t want them to “rot away.”

He was discharged with a plan of staying with someone else, medicated, and I’m assuming having a caretaker look after his parents (I forgot).

So, what’s bothering me is that I didn’t tell any of the nurses or staff about what he said about wanting to burn down his home and his parents. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, but it’s really bothering me that I wouldn’t tell anyone there when he said something so dangerous. I’m also worried that he could have done something awful that I could have prevented by alerting people. I don’t know if it’s because I thought he said it in anger and wasn’t serious, or if the conversation after he said that reassured me that things were okay. But, I can’t remember anything to know for certain. I don’t even know if what he said was how I remember it, but I do know that it was bad enough for me to be disturbed by it.

I just don’t know what to do, knowing that I did something so horrible in not telling anyone what he said. If anyone can give me any advice it would be really appreciated! Thanks.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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*Trigger Warning for Violent related OCD*


When I was hospitalized for my OCD sometime in 2017, I was socializing with many of the other patients there. One of the patients said something that was very disturbing, and I feel horrible that I didn’t tell any of the staff about it.

This person was in their 40s, had a very tough life, and ended up in a situation where he is left to care for his two parents alone. He was very stressed out about that and everything else in his life. He was very nice, but there was this one conversation I had with him that was very disturbing to me. It was too long ago for me to remember it completely, but he said that he was going to burn down his parent’s house and that he didn’t care if they died. All said seemingly stressed out with a very scary look in their eyes. I feel like there was more to the conversation after he said that, like me trying to console him and him crying, but I can’t remember.

My memory is hazy about what exactly was said, so I’m not sure if he said he “didn’t care if they died,” or “kill them.” But, I’m also not sure if he said either of those things at all. But I know what he said was to the effect of having that same sentiment.

There were points during my stay when I gave advice that he should send them to a nursing home, since it seems to be stressing him out. But he tearfully told me he couldn’t do that to his parents, as he didn’t want them to “rot away.”

He was discharged with a plan of staying with someone else, medicated, and I’m assuming having a caretaker look after his parents (I forgot).

So, what’s bothering me is that I didn’t tell any of the nurses or staff about what he said about wanting to burn down his home and his parents. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, but it’s really bothering me that I wouldn’t tell anyone there when he said something so dangerous. I’m also worried that he could have done something awful that I could have prevented by alerting people. I don’t know if it’s because I thought he said it in anger and wasn’t serious, or if the conversation after he said that reassured me that things were okay. But, I can’t remember anything to know for certain. I don’t even know if what he said was how I remember it, but I do know that it was bad enough for me to be disturbed by it.

I just don’t know what to do, knowing that I did something so horrible in not telling anyone what he said. If anyone can give me any advice it would be really appreciated! Thanks.

You were ill at the time and in hospital.

I have not reported things too, a person carrying a weapon, and it could have saved lives also. I wasn't as aware of things as i am now. I know that person is now in prison. He was a teenager a the time and now much older. Who knows what i could have prevented?

But then we cannot take on so much responsibility can we.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Its not your fault if he did do anything to his parents, if he told you about those thought he could of also told his therapist and it would be his therapist's job to help him with those thoughts :hug:
 
T

ThomasJW

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Oct 6, 2021
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I
*Trigger Warning for Violent related OCD*


When I was hospitalized for my OCD sometime in 2017, I was socializing with many of the other patients there. One of the patients said something that was very disturbing, and I feel horrible that I didn’t tell any of the staff about it.

This person was in their 40s, had a very tough life, and ended up in a situation where he is left to care for his two parents alone. He was very stressed out about that and everything else in his life. He was very nice, but there was this one conversation I had with him that was very disturbing to me. It was too long ago for me to remember it completely, but he said that he was going to burn down his parent’s house and that he didn’t care if they died. All said seemingly stressed out with a very scary look in their eyes. I feel like there was more to the conversation after he said that, like me trying to console him and him crying, but I can’t remember.

My memory is hazy about what exactly was said, so I’m not sure if he said he “didn’t care if they died,” or “kill them.” But, I’m also not sure if he said either of those things at all. But I know what he said was to the effect of having that same sentiment.

There were points during my stay when I gave advice that he should send them to a nursing home, since it seems to be stressing him out. But he tearfully told me he couldn’t do that to his parents, as he didn’t want them to “rot away.”

He was discharged with a plan of staying with someone else, medicated, and I’m assuming having a caretaker look after his parents (I forgot).

So, what’s bothering me is that I didn’t tell any of the nurses or staff about what he said about wanting to burn down his home and his parents. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything, but it’s really bothering me that I wouldn’t tell anyone there when he said something so dangerous. I’m also worried that he could have done something awful that I could have prevented by alerting people. I don’t know if it’s because I thought he said it in anger and wasn’t serious, or if the conversation after he said that reassured me that things were okay. But, I can’t remember anything to know for certain. I don’t even know if what he said was how I remember it, but I do know that it was bad enough for me to be disturbed by it.

I just don’t know what to do, knowing that I did something so horrible in not telling anyone what he said. If anyone can give me any advice it would be really appreciated! Thanks.

It wasn't your responsibility to report. You were a patient in a hospital. If you did report and somehow he figured it out you did, what might have happened to you? You never know.

I have a brother who has threatened to kill his girlfriends. One time he said he would do this if one girlfriend lived there much longer. I didn't report it to the police. Why? Because I had reached the point after so many years of his using drugs, acting out, doing all sort of things and seeing my life completely, totally drained to the point where I had no strength left. I just had no strength left. Probably people reading this will judge that, and that's OK because they have no idea to what lengths I went to get him help and stop all from being harmed. His girlfriend was as crazy as he was and there was every indication she could one day kill him (she did insinuate seriously a capacity to kill). It was an all around horrific mess that I needed to stay away from.

And you were in a position where you had no strength. You would have put yourself in a potentially risky situation if you had reported it. And your family I am sure would not have approved of that.

In spite of all my OCD craziness--which is waxing (and which is why I am new to this board)--I never look twice back on that decision not to report (which was also in 2017). But this appears to possibly be your OCD and the endless "what ifs" that it throws out.
 
H

Hip30

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Sep 22, 2021
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United States
Thanks everyone for all the responses! They were very helpful. :)
 
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