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Worried how my SH will affect my girlfriend



New member
Nov 10, 2021
I’ve been having SH urges for about 6 weeks and at first there were only two times when I did anything. The methods I used those two times didn’t leave any type of mark that would be suspicious. It got worse when my friend was murdered (3 weeks ago) but for the most part I didn’t do anything because my girlfriend has a history of SH and has attempted suicide and I didn’t want to trigger her.

Then my gf was hospitalized for what was almost another suicide attempt and she will be in residential treatment for the next month. Now it’s easy to hide bruises from her. I’ve been self harming the past several days and my right quad is almost entirely covered in bruises so I have to wear pants.

I don’t want to stop and the only reason I would is to keep my girlfriend from finding out. I feel selfish if I keep self harming long enough that there are still bruises once she leaves residential care, especially because I feel like I could choose not to self harm if I really wanted to. The problem is I want to have bruises more than I want to stop. Part of me also wants to tell my gf about what’s going on to get some comfort and because I don’t like keeping secrets. But if I tell her I would have to stop and I risk triggering her when she’s obviously in a bad place herself.

What should I do?


Well-known member
Jul 19, 2021
Pretty Good
Hello pineapple314, I am so sorry that your friend was murdered and also about your girlfriend being in hospital. I use to self harm from a very early age in my childhood right up till I was 40 and then I got the help that I so badly needed and it saved my life and I made a promise to those who did save my life that I would not self harm again, it has now been 20 years stopped as it really did not do a thing for me at all as I found out in therapy the reason I did it WHY.
Then we sorted out the WHY and I got through it all, yes I can still get the intrusive thoughts to self harm but now I can and do cope and handle them to the point where I do not act on them. It sounds as though it could be a good idea to try and talk to your doctor and go from there.

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