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Worried for my parents

S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
Hi,

If anyone can give advise would be greatful.

My sister had a nervous breakdown about 15 years ago and her diagnosis after being sectioned was a mild form of hebephrenic schizophrenia.

Things have been up and down since then & I'm really worried about my parents. My sister moved back home after her time in hospital and now at the age of 43 is still playing up, it's like a roller coaster.

My dad is 80 this year & my mum 75 & whilst I was round at their house the other day could see the strain in their faces from things my sister had been doing on that particular day.

To be brief & not go into too much detail, she struggles to keep a job and doesn't particular like older people telling her what to do. How she is at home, if something goes missing from her room she immediatly picks on mum & dad, dad especially as he'd do anything for a quite life & she feeds on this. At the heat of an argument she always brings up the past, remembering stuff that no-one would even think about. Coming from a large family (7), she says she's not loved, the middle child always gets left out & she constantly reminds my dad of an incident that happened ages ago! He was a car salesman & got her a cheap runnabout. It ran out of fuel so as a constant reminder, always brings it up. She uses emotional blackmail against my parents, dad especially.

It came to the final straw last year when I got married + it was my 40th. I stayed @ mum & dads the night before & mum was bending over backwards to make it special for me. My sister kept coming in the room but the look on her face was complete anxiousness.... I later found out she'd had an argument with mum the morning of my wedding & asked her why I was getting all the attention! Anyway, she didn't come to my wedding...never turned up but she didn't let me know, she left a message on my other sisters mobile to say she had a violent headache and was sick. This is what happens when she's can't control a situation, her body goes into shut down.

I never got an apology from her & still to this day haven't. She's burnt her bridges with most of the family and won't listen to anyones advise as she just doesn't trust them, because of this I'm more concerned for my parents now. They are at an age where they don't need this. Dad is beside himself, regardless of her giving him a hard time he will still bed over backwards for her.

My mum doesn't have much trust now with the Mental Health service as they've let her down. When she tries to look into things she feels she has to tell my sister & then again that's when world war 3 starts.

I feel I've expressed myself although over the time this has gone on I could sit here for hours but have to stop myself.

My main concern is for my parents, if my mum could just sit down with someone to just get a release would benefit but as I said, she has more faith in her religion than she has with the mental health service.

:cry:

Please help.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

tricky to comment smudger because, without knocking you, this is one sided. and if schizophrenia teaches you one thing, it's that life is multi-dimensional and there's always a lot more going on than typically meets the eye.

:)
 
mischief

mischief

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Does your mum or dad have any contact with a carers organisation? They may find some mutual support there.
 
S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
Mum & Dad

Does your mum or dad have any contact with a carers organisation? They may find some mutual support there.
Hi,

Thanks for coming back so quickly. Dad wants to shut himself away from it all as this kind of thing is alien to him. Mum on the other hand was the one who originally called in social services due to my sisters odd behaviour at home. Mum was a nurse back in her days so she knew something wasn't quite right.

I live in West Yorkshire so if you're aware of any organisations that would be great. This is what I'm looking for just so my mum can speak to others in the same situation. Even I've looked on the Mental Health website, unless you know where to look, they don't make it easy for you to find anything.

I'll keep ploughing through until I find something.

Thanks again

:)
 
S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
tricky to comment smudger because, without knocking you, this is one sided. and if schizophrenia teaches you one thing, it's that life is multi-dimensional and there's always a lot more going on than typically meets the eye.

:)
But that doesn't help our situation. All my mum can say is 'it's because she's ill', which to me is a defeat.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

But that doesn't help our situation. All my mum can say is 'it's because she's ill', which to me is a defeat.
Is it a defeat to your mom and dad? For their generation mental illness is far more of a taboo than these days. Back in their day it was asylums, everything brushed under the carpet, no fuss and hush hush. You haven't said what they want. You've said what you think they need.

If your mum wants to talk to others then I found this from South West Yorkshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust:

Carers’ assessments

Carers have a statutory right to their own assessment, even if the person they care for does not wish to engage with services. Carers often feel that if the person who is ill is receiving the right services then their needs are also being met. But you must also consider your own needs and find out what help is available to make life a little, or a lot, easier.
It is important to realise that this is not an assessment of your ability to care or your financial status. It is simply a way to identify any needs you may have and let you know what support is available.
It can be a difficult process to go through: admitting being a carer and admitting how much it involves. However, if the assessment is offered at the appropriate time and by someone willing to spend time helping you through it, it should enable you to identify where you may need support and how to get it. This should improve your ability to cope with your role.
The assessment may be offered during the care plan meeting for your loved one, by the care co-ordinator. If not, then it is perfectly alright for you to request one when you feel comfortable about it. If it is offered in front of the person you care for you might feel uncomfortable accepting it. If you do turn it down this does not stop you approaching the care co-ordinator later to accept the carers’ assessment.
Ask, also, that whoever carries out the assessment will actually spend time with you, helping you to fill out the form. You may find that discussing different issues helps you to be clearer about your role, your needs and what, if anything, can be done to lighten the burden.
Some uselink links here:


http://www.southwestyorkshire.nhs.uk/users-and-carers/carers-support/useful-links/


And to contact the trust:


Contact us

If you would like to get in touch with us you can call our main switchboard number 01924 327000, email [email protected] or use one of the contacts available in this section.
You can also write to us at:
South West Yorkshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust
Fieldhead
Ouchthorpe Lane
Wakefield
WF1 3SP
I hope I have the right area. But otherwise ring your local mental health trust and they'll sort out carer information for you. Your sister doesn't have any contact with services?
:)
 
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S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
Is it a defeat to your mom and dad? For their generation mental illness is far more of a taboo than these days. Back in their day it was asylums, everything brushed under the carpet, no fuss and hush hush. You haven't said what they want. You've said what you think they need.

If your mum wants to talk to others then I found this from South West Yorkshire Partnership NHS Foundation Trust:

Some uselink links here:


http://www.southwestyorkshire.nhs.uk/users-and-carers/carers-support/useful-links/


And to contact the trust:




I hope I have the right area. But otherwise ring your local mental health trust and they'll sort out carer information for you. Your sister doesn't have any contact with services?
:)

What can I say, there's a slight weight lifted off my shoulders. The information you've provided is a god send. My sister has contact when she feels like it but I think after what you've said I'll speak to mum & let her see this. With her input will give you an idea of my sisters situation.

I was a bit worried with the reply you originally gave but what you've provided now is brilliant.

Many Thanks

I'll be in touch.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
What can I say, there's a slight weight lifted off my shoulders. The information you've provided is a god send. My sister has contact when she feels like it but I think after what you've said I'll speak to mum & let her see this. With her input will give you an idea of my sisters situation.

I was a bit worried with the reply you originally gave but what you've provided now is brilliant.

Many Thanks

I'll be in touch.
No problem. I have paranoia and suspicious thinking. A lot of it. I was once diagnosed with the label schizophrenia too. But it packed in and as it was out of warranty they replaced it with Bipolar. I'm much happier with that label, as are the people around me. I'm very good at reading between the lines. Like Colombo in a straightjacket. But I still do get some things wrong. I won't reveal what my paranoia was. I wouldn't want to scare you away. I'll just say that I sensed a motive. No worries! And good luck sorting things out. I hope they don't send you on a marathon ring-a-round!:)
 
S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
No problem. I have paranoia and suspicious thinking. A lot of it. I was once diagnosed with the label schizophrenia too. But it packed in and as it was out of warranty they replaced it with Bipolar. I'm much happier with that label, as are the people around me. I'm very good at reading between the lines. Like Colombo in a straightjacket. But I still do get some things wrong. I won't reveal what my paranoia was. I wouldn't want to scare you away. I'll just say that I sensed a motive. No worries! And good luck sorting things out. I hope they don't send you on a marathon ring-a-round!:)
Hi, what my mum & dad want is for my sister to have a normal life. To find new friends and enjoy herself.

My sister is taking is Respiridone but my mum seems to think there's research into serious side effects and there's another drug that works just as well?
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

Hi, what my mum & dad want is for my sister to have a normal life. To find new friends and enjoy herself.

My sister is taking is Respiridone but my mum seems to think there's research into serious side effects and there's another drug that works just as well?
What is a normal life for someone with the diagnosis of hebephrenic schizophrenia?

For drugs 'work', read 'sedate'. In time, all the drugs lose their sedating effect as tolerance develops... as well as the fact the brain develops new neurons to replace those that are being blocked. Leading potentially to longer term problems, both mental and physical.

how long has your sister been on neuroleptics? many 'drug holidays' or an unbroken regime?

all 'anti-psychotics' have a range of effects, ranging from the mildly unpleasant to the severely suffering...

I'd have a read around here, especially in the two pence worth forum, if you have the time.

does your sister use the internet?

:)
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

Just for clarification, here's a summary of hebephrenic schizophrenia:

A form of schizophrenia in which affective changes are prominent, delusions and hallucinations fleeting and fragmentary, behaviour irresponsible and unpredictable, and mannerisms common. The mood is shallow and inappropirate and often accompanied by giggling or self-satisfied, self-absorbed smiling, or by a lofty manner, grimaces, mannerisms, pranks, hypochondriacal complaints, and reiterated phrases. Thought is disorganized and speech rambling and incoherent. There is a tendency to remain solitary, and behaviour seems empty of purpose and feeling. This form of schizphrenia usually starts between the ages of 15 and 25 years and tends to have a poor prognosis because of the rapid development of "negative" symptoms, particularly flattening of affect and loss of volition.
In addition, disturbances of affect and volition, and thought disorder are usually prominent. Hallucinations and delusions may be present but are not usually prominent. Drive and determination are lost and goals abandoned, so that the patient's behaviour becomes characteristically aimless and empty of purpose. A superficial and manneristic preoccupation with religion, philosophy, and other abstract themes may add to the listener's difficulty in following the train of thought.
 
S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
Just for clarification, here's a summary of hebephrenic schizophrenia:
ok, this is where I am with you.

I've explained to one of my other sisters your thought process & she does'nt buy it. She's a little wary of this forum and thinks whoever I'm speaking to is taking me for a ride. Me personally, from my own experience feel your genuine with your comments but to make her undestand I need to know from you your reasoning is genuine...now you know what I have to deal with!!!

Sorry to put this to one you but I have a really finicky other sister...sorry.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

ok, this is where I am with you.

I've explained to one of my other sisters your thought process & she does'nt buy it. She's a little wary of this forum and thinks whoever I'm speaking to is taking me for a ride. Me personally, from my own experience feel your genuine with your comments but to make her undestand I need to know from you your reasoning is genuine...now you know what I have to deal with!!!
Sorry to put this to one you but I have a really finicky other sister...sorry.
I've provided you with information regarding carers support in your area and a summary of the leading characteristics of hebephrenic schizophrenia. additionally, I've been open with you about my suspicious thinking and paranoia to some degree, which is probably not socially acceptable in very many other situations than here.

paranoia is not something suffered only by the 'mentally ill'; it's a commonplace instinctual anxiety. there is also the possibility that some 'psychotic' experiences have some symbolic meaning or that the 'psychotic feelings' someone can experience are 'psychic' or 'tuned in' as the person is in a very perspicacious state... as I keep getting in this thread!

who is the cloest to your sister, I mean your sister with the schizophrenia diagnosis?


:)
 
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S

Smudger

Member
Joined
Mar 15, 2010
Messages
7
I've provided you with information regarding carers support in your area and a summary of the leading characteristics of hebephrenic schizophrenia. additionally, I've been open with you about my suspicious thinking and paranoia to some degree, which is probably not socially acceptable in very many other situations than here.

paranoia is not something suffered only by the 'mentally ill'; it's a commonplace instinctual anxiety. there is also the possibility that some 'psychotic' experiences have some symbolic meaning or that the 'psychotic feelings' someone can experience are 'psychic' or 'tuned in' as the person is in a very perspicacious state... as I keep getting in this thread!

who is the cloest to your sister, I mean your sister with the schizophrenia diagnosis?

Thanks for you response again. After speaking to my other sister last night it sounds like we're all looking at ways to help but not doing it together. I strongly feel that by talking to people, like yourself helps gives me insight to understand a lot more of what is going on.....maybe not the same symptoms but I feel it helps.

I'd say my mum is closest now, she's burnt her bridges with a few of us so it's hard to say at the moment. Would it be wise for us to let my sister know what we're doing or get as much information then sit down with her? I don't want her to feel intimidated in any way & it's knowing what to say thats the hardest part. By speaking to people on this forum does it help you, I'm just thinking would this be of help to her or with her state of mind be an overload?

You'd think that coming from a big family we could all work it out to help but it seems a bit scattered at the moment, something has to give somewhere.
 
R

rasselas

Guest
...

Thanks for you response again. After speaking to my other sister last night it sounds like we're all looking at ways to help but not doing it together. I strongly feel that by talking to people, like yourself helps gives me insight to understand a lot more of what is going on.....maybe not the same symptoms but I feel it helps.

I'd say my mum is closest now, she's burnt her bridges with a few of us so it's hard to say at the moment. Would it be wise for us to let my sister know what we're doing or get as much information then sit down with her? I don't want her to feel intimidated in any way & it's knowing what to say thats the hardest part. By speaking to people on this forum does it help you, I'm just thinking would this be of help to her or with her state of mind be an overload?

You'd think that coming from a big family we could all work it out to help but it seems a bit scattered at the moment, something has to give somewhere.

I can't suggest what you should do. It's too complex. But if you have something you think your sister deserves to know - and as an adult, she most likely should - then tell her, include her. Other than that again, contact the carer's support. They can also put you in touch with professional mediators as it's apparent that a cohesive solution is perhaps not attainable within the family because of the existing disputes and tensions.
 
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