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Worried for a friend



New member
Jan 28, 2015
I met an amazing lady online about 5 years ago now. I've known from the outset that she's a bit 'out there' but I love her to bits anyway. I can cope with most of her moods and other traits but I feel she is losing control.

She is approaching 60 and has no diagnosed personality disorder and to even suggest she may have one would make her extremely mad at me I'm sure. So I'm really struggling with what to do.

I suffer with anxiety problems myself including agoraphobia. Over the years we've met several times and I do consider her my best friend. We talk daily on the phone, sometimes for several hours. But last night she simply decided our friendship was over, over the silliest of things really. She's never done this before and along side a couple of things she said to me last night she has me worried.

Symptoms she displays:
  • House is cluttered, she hoards
  • erratic behaviour
  • gets obsessed/addicted easily
  • has very little control over anger
  • paces a lot
  • anxious a lot
  • struggles to show empathy or sympathy for humans, other extreme for animals
  • when she's angry she takes it out on anyone including her partner of 20+ years and best friend

When she is angry she can be so vile it still surprises me sometimes, and often hurts a lot. But she can go to bed and wake up the next day with it all forgotten and expect others to feel the same and have no problem with the hurtful things she says.

I think I know what caused last nights outburst but if I even suggest it to her she will explode. But I feel it needs addressing and I don't want her to think she can ever treat me like that again either. I have my own demons to live with I don't need someone to constantly make me feel like a bad person for something I haven't done.

That's the other thing, she almost never listens to reason. She believes she is always right when it comes to opinions. It's been a very rare thing when she listens completely to what you have to say. She seems only to hear what she wants to, focus' on something negative and doesn't hear a word of the rest of it. I don't know if that makes sense?

Can anyone offer some idea of what I'm dealing with here? any suggestions on how I can help her? Despite all of this she has a heart of gold and I do love her to bits and don't want to lose her as a friend. I want to help her before she loses control completely.

Thank you for reading x


Well-known member
Oct 21, 2014
Hello. I too have a very difficult friend, who is also very special, so in a way I know what you are going through. My friend has different problems however. I don't know what would be the possible diagnosis for your friend. We all have difficult personality traits, some more than others. Fortunately most of us have some good points too!

If your friend usually makes up after an outburst it is quite likely she will do so again. I take on board that you don't want her to treat you like that again. Are there times when she is more calm and reasonable - that would be the time to tell her how much she hurt you.

It may be that she just can't control her behaviour or won't make the effort. Then you have to decide whether it is in YOUR best interest to continue the friendship. Sometimes relationships have to end even if they have been very important to us.

Best wishes, Sarah
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