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Worried about the Future

A

Apoll0

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
Hi all,
It's my first time posting here, so I'm a little nervous.
For a bit of context, I'm currently 18 years old and I am doing my A-levels. I'm also at the time in my life where I'm anticipating leaving school to forge my own path.

A few months ago, I decided I wanted to defer my entry to university. I knew this would make getting into my top choice more difficult, but I instinctively felt that I needed to step outside of education for a while; I wanted to get work experience, volunteer, learn to drive, travel, etc. And so, by mid October, I had sent off my UCAS application to my unis of choice, quite content with my decision to defer.

However, come December, I was surprised to find I had an interview at my top choice! I had a great time, though staying over at the university really had me invested in going. By this point, I had already invested a lot of time and resources into my application- an admissions test, a piece of written work- and so the fear of failure began to loom.
Alongside this, I have really started to doubt my decision to defer. I love education, and having to study has always giving me a sense of purpose and identity. I thrive in the environment that 6th form provides- I genuinely love learning. I've no concrete plans for my gap year as of yet. The thought of having to leave 6th form and face a year without the routine of homework, revision and achievement fills me with dread, as does the thought of many of my friends leaving. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to carry out the ambitious gap year plans I had once entertained, and I fear that I'll end up depressed, isolated and wishing I had gone straight to university. I've finally had to admit to myself that I don't want to do it anymore. I fear that I have made a terrible mistake; what if I have sabotaged my chances of getting into my favourite uni, for something I no longer desire? It is possible to get an offer but have the deferral rejected, though I doubt I'll get an offer at all (it's very competitive). I have gotten offers from my other choices for deferral, but I feel like the desire for my main choice has taken over. And yet, part of me still feels like I need to take a year out, and find a sense of myself outside of the classroom. After all, I'll have to leave education at some point. I'm still ultimately undecided on what is the best thing to do.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for- I'm lucky to even be able to have the chance to pursue higher education. However, I can't shake the sense of dread that the next year seems to embody for me. I keep waking up in utter panic in the early morning, and I'm having really unsettling dreams.
This dilemma has compounded with an underlying melancholy that I've been feeling for a couple of months now, which I guess could be called an existential and spiritual crisis i.e. I have an overwhelming awareness of the brief nature of human life, and have questions about my faith. I find that such thoughts sap my motivation to study, and I had a few lower than average grades last term. It's a horrible cycle, where worry causes me to avoid studying, which generates more worry, and so on. I feel a huge amount of pressure to succeed, from myself more than any external factor.

If you've read this far, thank you- I feel as if I've written an essay! I was unsure where to post this, as I'm not clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety etc. However, I went through a pretty bad time mentally when I was doing my GCSE's, and I want to try an avert the "thing" that I feel is beginning to take over again. I think I have a tenancy to overthink and ruminate, and I'm aware it may seem as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I can feel myself becoming more irritable, careless and despondent. Any support, advice or shared experiences would mean a lot.

Thank you.
 
Eleison

Eleison

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
808
Location
London
I don't really have any advice, as it's a very long time since I was at uni and going through all of those choices, but I just wanted to leave you some supportive thoughts and let you know I've read your post.

I do remember feeling unsettled and lonely in that transition period before uni, and I didn't have a gap year [I should have done, in hindsight]. It's a big time in growing up, leaving school and all that entails.
 
A

Albawolf

Guest
Hi all,
It's my first time posting here, so I'm a little nervous.
For a bit of context, I'm currently 18 years old and I am doing my A-levels. I'm also at the time in my life where I'm anticipating leaving school to forge my own path.

A few months ago, I decided I wanted to defer my entry to university. I knew this would make getting into my top choice more difficult, but I instinctively felt that I needed to step outside of education for a while; I wanted to get work experience, volunteer, learn to drive, travel, etc. And so, by mid October, I had sent off my UCAS application to my unis of choice, quite content with my decision to defer.

However, come December, I was surprised to find I had an interview at my top choice! I had a great time, though staying over at the university really had me invested in going. By this point, I had already invested a lot of time and resources into my application- an admissions test, a piece of written work- and so the fear of failure began to loom.
Alongside this, I have really started to doubt my decision to defer. I love education, and having to study has always giving me a sense of purpose and identity. I thrive in the environment that 6th form provides- I genuinely love learning. I've no concrete plans for my gap year as of yet. The thought of having to leave 6th form and face a year without the routine of homework, revision and achievement fills me with dread, as does the thought of many of my friends leaving. I just don't know if I'm strong enough to carry out the ambitious gap year plans I had once entertained, and I fear that I'll end up depressed, isolated and wishing I had gone straight to university. I've finally had to admit to myself that I don't want to do it anymore. I fear that I have made a terrible mistake; what if I have sabotaged my chances of getting into my favourite uni, for something I no longer desire? It is possible to get an offer but have the deferral rejected, though I doubt I'll get an offer at all (it's very competitive). I have gotten offers from my other choices for deferral, but I feel like the desire for my main choice has taken over. And yet, part of me still feels like I need to take a year out, and find a sense of myself outside of the classroom. After all, I'll have to leave education at some point. I'm still ultimately undecided on what is the best thing to do.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for- I'm lucky to even be able to have the chance to pursue higher education. However, I can't shake the sense of dread that the next year seems to embody for me. I keep waking up in utter panic in the early morning, and I'm having really unsettling dreams.
This dilemma has compounded with an underlying melancholy that I've been feeling for a couple of months now, which I guess could be called an existential and spiritual crisis i.e. I have an overwhelming awareness of the brief nature of human life, and have questions about my faith. I find that such thoughts sap my motivation to study, and I had a few lower than average grades last term. It's a horrible cycle, where worry causes me to avoid studying, which generates more worry, and so on. I feel a huge amount of pressure to succeed, from myself more than any external factor.

If you've read this far, thank you- I feel as if I've written an essay! I was unsure where to post this, as I'm not clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety etc. However, I went through a pretty bad time mentally when I was doing my GCSE's, and I want to try an avert the "thing" that I feel is beginning to take over again. I think I have a tenancy to overthink and ruminate, and I'm aware it may seem as if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, but I can feel myself becoming more irritable, careless and despondent. Any support, advice or shared experiences would mean a lot.

Thank you.
I gradauted uni 5 months ago. I am 22

I hated sixth form i dont miss it all


My advice is if in doubt then dont go.

You can go to uni at any age. Trust me . My Re teacher who is lovely man said dont worry you can go at any age.My re teacher went to uni age 30.

When i started my law course i met people who were in mid 20s, married with children and there was an elderly person in my class.

What you need to know is more people drop out of uni than gradaute. Trust me when i started uni i would be talking people in my class and months later they never came back. I know people that change courses as well

There is too much pressure put on young people to go to uni.

Go to uni if are 100% sure .
 
A

Apoll0

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
I don't really have any advice, as it's a very long time since I was at uni and going through all of those choices, but I just wanted to leave you some supportive thoughts and let you know I've read your post.

I do remember feeling unsettled and lonely in that transition period before uni, and I didn't have a gap year [I should have done, in hindsight]. It's a big time in growing up, leaving school and all that entails.
Thank you, it's nice to know someone understands.
 
A

Apoll0

New member
Joined
Dec 20, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
I gradauted uni 5 months ago. I am 22

I hated sixth form i dont miss it all


My advice is if in doubt then dont go.

You can go to uni at any age. Trust me . My Re teacher who is lovely man said dont worry you can go at any age.My re teacher went to uni age 30.

When i started my law course i met people who were in mid 20s, married with children and there was an elderly person in my class.

What you need to know is more people drop out of uni than gradaute. Trust me when i started uni i would be talking people in my class and months later they never came back. I know people that change courses as well

There is too much pressure put on young people to go to uni.

Go to uni if are 100% sure .
Yeah, I know I want to go, but there's definitely a lot of pressure to go straight away. I feel I might appreciate it more if I go a year later, I'm just afraid of the unknown. Thank you for your thoughts.
 
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