• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

worried about starting therapy.

chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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Its probably going to be a couple of weeks before i get an assessment and start therapy. But im worried. Should i even be doing this? What if this is their way of just getting information on me and using it against me in the future? Also cant exactly tell them everything (confidentiality can only go so far) so they can only "help" me so much.
When i thought i was crazy, one friend in particular was quite adament i wasnt, and i think i get why now. Several of her close family were diagnosed with schizophrenia and she knew how bad it was to have that label. How limited it made them. When they were able to function quite well. I think she was trying to protect me from going through this system as i am able to function.
Id had enough of going from miserable to depressed back to missrable. Suicidal thoughts plague me during this time, and whilst im not at risk of doing it currently. Im worried one of these times if it keeps happening, i'm going to just say fuck it, this just aint worth it and ill do it.
But now. Thinking about the implications of going. Im not sure i want to. I cant say everything to them. And they are going to have on record forever everything i tell them. What if mental health isnt even a thing. They just make it up so people go in and disclose all this information on us so they can keep a check on everyone. The therapists dont care. They get paid. They go home at the end of the day and sigh "omg what a whiny little bitch i had today". They do that. Everyone else does in their jobs. They might act nice and try to help because thats their job. They dont say what they really think. Say your a cashier and you have a rude customer complaing, you act all nice, help them etc and soon as they leave you say well that guy was an arogant prick. Its the same thing. Why should i be giving them any data about me? Just so they can ridicule me? Collect information about me and use it against me?
Am i being paranoid or is this going to make living even worse and dying (especially making it look like an accident) even harder to do?
 
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Helena1

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I think it could help, i think it is worth a go anyway. I am due to start therapy soon and am very worried about it as well. :hug:
 
pepecat

pepecat

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I can understand you being worried about therapy, but I think you may be being a bit paranoid..... Sorry...
From what I read about your visit to the gp, it sounds like she's refering you for cbt, is that right?
I've not had CBT myself, but a lot of people here have and it tends to be fairly short (8/10/12 sessions or so) and also doesn't go into all that much depth about your past. It's more about helping you cope in the here and now rather than all the 'tell me about your childhood stuff', so you may not have to tell them all that much anyway.
What info do you think they could use against you, and how? And why would they?
When you go to the assessment, you do need to give them the gist of what's been going on, otherwise they might just go 'oh you're fine, why have you been referred here?'. Your gp obviously thought there was a good reason to refer you and that it would help, so she obviously feels you're not faking it or messing them about.

I had two and a half years of therapy (the 'tell me about your childhood stuff) and I never thought my therapist would use the stuff I told her against me. Psychiatrists, maybe- they make me a lot more wary- but never my therapist, and she knows pretty much everything there is to know.

And yes, it is a job for them, but they do it out of a desire to help people, I think. If you hated your job and hated people, the last thing you do is sit there and listen to people all day every day. NHS therapists don't get paid enough to do it just for the money. There probably are days when they go home wishing they had a different job, but isn't that the same for everyone! They're only human after all. There are probably also a lot more days when they go home thinking 'that was cool, so and so opened up to me today' or 'I'm glad they told me that, we can start working on stuff now'. Just a teacher feels happy when a kid reads for the first time, or 'gets' how to do maths, or a physio whose patient walks after an accident, or a surgeon whose patient leaves hospital after a complicated operation. I don't think those people do it just for the money, and I don't think therapists do either.

Why not give it a go and see how you get on? For me, it was the best thing I ever did. The hardest, but also the best.
And what if mental health isn't a thing? So what?
Though that is a bit like saying 'what if physical health isn't really a thing?'. Sometimes our minds go a bit conk- as our bodies do as well, and we need some help to figure out what's going on. Think of therapy a bit like having a personal trainer if you like. When you go to see a personal trainer, there's nothing necessarily wrong with you physically, you just want to get a bit fitter or be a bit more toned or lose weight. Maybe it's the same with the mind- there's nothing wrong as such, you just want to feel better, and the therapist can do personal training for the mind and get you fitter and more toned mentally. If that makes sense.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Thank you pepecat, i appreciate everything you have said to me in this thread and in a few others. I think ive been in a really bad way the last few weeks/months mentally and i finally feel asthough im coming out of it. I can finally see reason and rationality and alot of things you've said to me now make sense.
I dont know what's happened or how but its almost as if i can see again. I think i know what i need to do in my life to change things and change how i feel. When your in that dark place and people offer you constructive advice, i cant help dismiss it asthough i am beyond help, a lost cause - mental health problem or not. But i kept thinking about what you said before about finding pleasure in the small things (although initially dismissing it). :doh: i do think it helped me.
Im going to be an active participant in my life now rather than a zombie. I fully appreciate i was being totally paranoid and i appologise to everyone for keep making these threads that must just be irritating.
I think im getting back on track now, things dont feel as dark and cloudy and i dont think im paranoid anymore, but i will still go to therapy i think, its an assessment first to see what therapy they think i should have, but doc recommended cbt. But yeah i think ive got a few issues to work through and learning some coping skills can only be beneficial, im planning on some big(ish) changes and i know from the past it sometimes only takes a small thing to set me back again.
I feel like ive been a complete irritant on this forum and again im sorry if i have been.
 
blueflames

blueflames

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We all come here with problems and we all try our best to help one another, no one is an 'irritant' including you :hug:

I'm sure being apprehensive about therapy is perfectly normal. I think their job is to help you deal with issues and problems and do their best to help you to gain enough emotional stability to cope with things that arise in the future (probably a bit clichéd but close enough)

If you don't like going you can always stop.. but maybe give it a try at least

xxx
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Thanks blueflames. Yeah i think in hindsight ive been interpreting things wrong. Having practically everyone in my life dismiss how i feel, tell me im wrong or cant feel the way i do etc i think ive been taking things on here as if they are being said in the same manner, dissmissing me and how i feel. But i have come to understand it isnt that, people are just trying to give constructive advice. Its taken awhile to realise that. I think ive just wanted someone to tell me i am allowed to feel the way i do, someone to validate my feelings and not tell me why im wrong (my feelings may not be totally accurate, but thats another matter). But you did do that for me the other day blueflames, so thank you. :hug:

Yeah im definately going to go, not feeling quite as paranoid anymore. It can't hurt to give it a go right?
 
blueflames

blueflames

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But i have come to understand it isnt that, people are just trying to give constructive advice.
I think it can be hard to judge/know how best to support people here (god knows I've fucked it up enough times) People generally try and find helpful solutions and empathise with what they can. Nothing wrong with saying what you want from people tho?? sometimes people say that just want to rant.. or ask if people understand a certain feeling or situation. Most come with a suggested solution tho, basically coz we're all just trying to help each other get out of this shit we go through day after day. One thing tho...no one will ever expect you just to put it all right and stop posting about the same shit that you try but can't always sort out. Because we all are in the same boat there lol

I definitely think it can't hurt to try with the counsellor. I personally have found therapy very helpful over the years. I also struggle to open up and normally just turn things into a joke but for whatever reason you struggle to be as open as you'd like, they are trained to deal with that. A good therapist can be an important lifeline imo, and they also help you to feel validated and explore those feelings further too.

I really hope it helps you. Let us know how you get on xx
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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Yeah it definately can be hard, and it didnt really help that i didnt know what i was asking for - made it a bit of a lose lose situation. Sometimes i just end up writing down whats going on in my head and instead of keeping it to myself i end up posting it and not really knowing why. Makes it even harder to help someone when they dont know what they want either! Like i say its just hindsight telling me i wanted validation. I never realised the people not understanding/telling me im wrong was that big of an issue that it even skews the way i read things online! Seems crazy now to think i thought people are judging me (its almost funny what your head can do to you) when as you say were all in the same boat an all tryina muddle through the best/any way we know how, and try to help others get through all the crap along the way if we can.

Yeah, i think i know it will help me, i just get a little paranoid sometimes. Definately greatful for feeling a little more sane today!

Thank you, i will do :)

Xxx
 
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