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Worried About My Partner - Need Some Guidance On PPD

B

bkallday_2014

New member
Joined
Oct 23, 2019
Messages
1
Location
New York City, NY
Hi All,

I am new to this site and forum. I personally suffer from anxiety and depression and have since a very young age. I am not posting about me, however - this is about my partner. I love him SO much and we've been together for 4 years but have always had the same fight over and over. He feels that I am hiding something from him, that I am dealing with another man (always centered on the same man, but this has been accusations of me cheating and also just hiding a friendship with him). I have NEVER cheated on him. Because of the nature of our fights, we have broken up A LOT and during those breaks I tried to force myself to move on and casually dated other men during some of those times. But I have no desire to cheat or sneak around.

Generally the accusations stem from social media posts from the guy. The problem is a small percentage of his concerns are valid, the guy did post a few things that were subliminally referencing my partner. But if my partner showed me 20 posts from this guy's account, maybe 2 or 3 of them would actually resonate with me as shady. The rest ranged from super vague to something completely unrelated to us. Sometimes he would connect keywords. Like if we talked about "recommitting to our relationship" and the guy posted anyone that references "commitment" he would feel like that was a sub about him. For a long time I pacified it because this guy is kind of shady and does tend to be messy with his female friends. Needless to say, I am no longer friends with that guy and haven't been for a solid year.

If I even say that I think he's reading into things or that he might be paranoid, he thinks I'm defending the guy (the one I haven't seen in a year). But generally we have peace for a bit and then a post or something will set him back into a spin. He'll get emotionally distant and quiet and pull away and cancel plans and had broken up with me maybe 5 or 6 times without explanation (later to find out it was a social media post he felt was about him). He also reads int my own posts and the engagements I have with other men (I work in media, so this is virtually unavoidable).

I don't want this to be a chapter book - so I'll cut to the chase. My partner is not diagnosed but when I look up PPD the list of triggers and symptoms exactly describes him and his behavior. My question is, I guess - any advice for helping him at least get assessed for this? I don't know what to say to him or show him to help it click that perhaps the issue is him and not everyone else around him. ANY advice or info would be super helpful. I just want him to feel safe.
 
J

JuliaW54

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
130
Location
UK
You are doing all you can when many would have walked. It’s not just up to you to make him feel safe, he has to help himself too. And that means acknowledging that he has a problem, if he has one, which he may not have. 4 years is a long time to be carrying on about the same thing. I would have a final chat with him then tell him you have to both move on as his behaviour is likely to destroy your relationship. I feel for you and hope you can both find a way of moving forward.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,032
Location
Nowhere
I dont know much about it but I did a search
since its hypothetical anyway
I would imagine its a bit like a rescue cat
with the level of diffucty they have trusting
you wouldn't want to make them feel they are being watched over
or checked up on, it might make them feel hemmed in

:grouphug:
 
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