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Worried about my friend

R

RL2

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Hey, everyone.

I've mainly joined this for my friend who I'm concerned about. I do like the idea of this site so I may recommend he use this at some point which he hopefully will.

I'm 26, had a group of friends for about 10 years now and we're all close. One of my friends, we'll call Darren has been a great friend since the beginning. He's a great guy, friendly, funny, accommodating and has always helped me out in tough situations. As long as I've known him he's been upfront about having depression. Back when I was a teenager, I wasn't cool, I didn't know how to talk to girls and I'd heard about Darren through mutual friends. He was always cool and I'd heard about his exploits, he was always at parties and girls always fell all over him. When we did meet and become friends it was great and he used to help me boost my confidence which he's done a lot over the years. I could never understand at first about his bipolar as he simply always seemed happy and fun.

So 10 years is a long time and after a while I began to see him in his private moments and realised he put a brave face on a lot of things. I also noticed that as much as he slept around, he never had nor wanted a serious relationship and I was jealous as I always felt I needed one. Finally he met someone and began dating her. We all disliked this girl, she seemed mean and superficial and after a while he began talking about how unhappy he was. She seemed to take advantage of him a lot but none of us wanted to tell him we thought she wasn't right for him because he admitted he loved her. Eventually she cheated on him with his co worker and he was forced to leave his job and move out of the flat they had. We felt terrible for him but he bounced back immediately and on the surface just wanted to have a good time and forget about the whole thing.

The years since then he's began to slowly show more and more that he's unhappy but he's a tad too proud to talk about it even when I've attempted to let him know it's alright. He dated a mutual friend for a while who also ended up cheating on him and it made things really awkward in our group of friends for a while and he completely broke down. He needed attention that we gave him and it was a really slow burn until he put it behind him. I've been out with him on nights out, sometimes he's happy (or pretending to be), other nights he'll be down on himself and just seems uncomfortable in his own skin. I've noticed his confidence has gone way down since back in the day, I suspect because of being cheated on. I know he's had a few flings which haven't worked out. One girl, another friend's workmate simply ghosted him for no reason. She was quite rude about it and said she just wanted sex and she doesn't care if she hurts people. Still felt terrible for him because he didn't know what he did wrong.

Once again, last year he started dating another mutual friend, this girl is one of our best friends who has had a crush on him for the entire 10 years. We were happy they got together and the whole thing brought out the best in him. He seemed happier than he had been in years but we were cautious and told him we were worried about him getting hurt again. He understood and simply said what happens happens.

Well it's been rocky this year. I know his Dad's ill and his brother's an alcoholic which has only gotten worse each year. His job is putting a lot pressure on him and he's really struggled with his self image which amazes me because he's a good looking guy. The girl he started seeing has unfortunately got her own problems which is a different story and I think she more or less told him she didn't want a serious relationship which I know has crushed him. She's a lovely girl and she's stated she wants to stay friends with him but I know he really just wanted to be with her.

Me and the other guys hang out and sometimes we find ourselves not inviting him because he can be a drag sometimes. Not his fault but we know we do some stuff he doesn't enjoy which is why we don't include him but even then we can tell he's a bit hurt by it. Other times we'll be out and his mood swings quickly and we're not sure what to do because he just seems like he wants to be angry or upset for the rest of the day/night. And then other times he's the life of the party and everyone loves him. But I know he puts that on a lot. I'm worried about him, I love him to bits, as we all do but I'm not sure what to do. Nothing seems to work out for him and I know he's worried about losing his job.

I just wish he was happy and want to know what to do to help him out.
 
R

RL2

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
Forgot to mention. The girl who ghosted him last year has since made friends with one of our best friends and his girlfriend by complete coincidence. I think I remember our friend saying she was a childhood friend who he's met again recently and gets on with her but didn't realise who she was. I know Darren feels a bit awkward about it and has since started isolating himself a bit.
 
calypso

calypso

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Messages
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Lancashire
Be there for him at all times. He sounds like a great person and as you say has been there for you in the past. Bipolar is a destructive illness (I am diagnosed bipolar) and can lead to these swings in mood which are hard to manage. Is he on medication and is he seeing anyone about his bipolar? He needs some kind of intervention to stop him feeling so alone with his illness. I hope he will come on here and talk with us too. Tell him that there are people here who really know what it is like!
 
calypso

calypso

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Remember bipolar can be a very dangerous illness as you can go from the highs (which can feel great - but can lead to bad temper and irritability) to a sudden crash into depression which can skitter out of control. Usually with depression there is a gradual decline into it until the person is unable to function nomally, but with bipolar there can be no warning and that can be dangerous.
 
R

RL2

New member
Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
3
Location
United Kingdom
I feel I and our other friends are here for him but it is difficult as we all have our own lives. I do know how bipolar works and I've seen his mood swings over the years but he's not a violent person. I've seen him get angry which is never out of control, it's mainly when he perceives he's been slighted which he's normally right about.

Honestly, I think he tries to put a brave face on everything all the time but doesn't realise we can see through it which we'd never say to him.
 
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