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Worried about my boyfriend

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chem89

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Joined
Aug 31, 2017
Messages
2
Hello. I'd like some advice please.

I met my boyfriend 4 years ago. I found out he has multiple schlerosis not long after we met. We started seeing each other on and off, always maintained a strong friendship and shared a lot of things together. We started a proper relationship late last year - it became difficult as his illness got worse, and we wouldn't see each for a week at a time. He'd often push me away - avoid texts and calls etc. I eventually broke it off as I couldn't cope.

We got back together just over a month ago. Things were going well as we were seeing each other again, he kept replying to texts and wanting to meet regularly. Two weeks ago he started becoming distant again, wouldn't answer my calls or texts. He told me he'd explain properly in person then went awol again last week. He eventually told me he's been struggling with his mental health, and was annoyed he hadn't been dealing with it properly.

I saw him earlier this week, and got pretty upset at his behaviour - although having suffered depression/anxiety myself I know what it can be like. He then told me he's planned to take his own life. He said he was going to do it earlier this year, but hasn't. He said he has distractions, like pets. I tried to ask calm questions, and said to him I've been really suicidal in the past, but kept telling myself to wait and things got better. I made a point of saying I know circumstances are different - with the MS and the pain he experiences. He said he doesn't want to talk to a professional, or Samaritans, and I didn't want to push him.

We were meant to meet up tonight, but he went awol yesterday and I've not heard anything since. I don't feel he's actually done anything, but he is pushing me away and it's getting worse. You might be thinking why do I stay when he's doing this, but I'm clutching at the threads of our relationship because I love him, and I can still see some tiny glimmer of hope. He does talk about the future, jobs and stuff. I'm incredibly worried he might one day do it, but I'd rather be with him until the end. I just wish I could help him seek support.

I'm trying to focus on me - excerising, seeing friends, joining a meditation class, but I just don't know what to do when he's being distant and alone.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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TBH you sound as if you are handling it very well. I don't really have experience in this area to give advice.

Just to be patient and calm, and I am certain he must care for you a great deal.
 
C

chem89

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Joined
Aug 31, 2017
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Thank you. I know he does care when he is well, it's just like a Jekyll and Hyde character, because that's what depression does to people. I used to see it in myself. He is sweet, kind and funny when he is well, but when he is like this, he's bitter and withdrawn, and I really don't know how to reach him.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Welcome to the forum, try to persuade him to go to the Drs. He needs urgent help if he has made plans etc.
You must love him, he probably can't help his behaviour. I live with chronic pain, l know how frustrating and tiring it is.
Does he see a neurologist regularly for his MS?
I hope things get better for both of you.
Take care
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Former member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
41,413
Location
The Prancing Pony
Thank you. I know he does care when he is well, it's just like a Jekyll and Hyde character, because that's what depression does to people. I used to see it in myself. He is sweet, kind and funny when he is well, but when he is like this, he's bitter and withdrawn, and I really don't know how to reach him.

Hmm well I can see the positive side. You do not have to torture yourself when he is being anti-social. You can just leave the situation and do something else. He has to know when he is being hurtful otherwise he will never learn. You can be hard, its okay.
 

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