worried about ex therapist

aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#1
Went on ex therapists Facebook page i feel really worried and anxious because if I'm right it looks like she has broken up with her boyfriend the only reason I guessed they were together is his whole family were friends with her and she was friends with his family and he had a picture of him and her on his Facebook and a video together when they went on holiday with mates. So I guessed they were together.
I'm really worried about her as she is not friends with his family and they aren't friends with her on facebook anymore and the both of them aren't friends with each other anymore,the picture of them together is still there on his page!
I know it's none of my business and I shouldn't be looking and honestly i feel awful in doing so and im a bad evil person i know I am but I miss her so much! I wish I was her friend to help her get through this if it is happening to her.
im so worried and panicky :cry2 im a werido I know.
I wish I could help her if I'm right what she's going through
If people want to disown and not talk to me I understand but I can't help the way i feel about her she was so lovely kind caring and understanding and if it has happened why didn't they put the pain on me she doesn't deserve it!! She deserves a happy life I hope I'm wrong but I fear I'm not I'm so worried if only I was still her client now I would have been able to work it out at least if she hadn't come to sessions
But I'll never know.
:cry2 hope she's ok really worried wish there was something I could do I feel useless and horrible am I freak to look at her profile and worry and delve into her private life I'm not normal I know I'm a freak but I care about her I wish I could forget her as a friend but I can't I care and i can't help it
just needed to put this somewhere and get it out of my head !!
:cry2
Katie
 
Boris

Boris

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#2
That`s really sweet. Truth is I`m sure she`s more than capable of looking after herself ;-) It may well be that she`s had a blow out with them, there`s always two sides to a story.... and look at yourself, and the position she has left you in, and she was supposed to be helping you ;-)
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#3
Thanks boris
Just wish I would know to put my mind at ease I have her Facebook on my phone and I just keep refreshing it but I can only see who she has added as friends or if she changes her picture which is frustrating
If it is her boyfriend there is nothing on his page about them two sppliting up if they have I can see everything what he says on his profile I know it seems really stalkish but I do care for her
It's frustrating that I have her email address but I fear if by me sending her a message that I won't see her ever again but if I emailed her obviously it wouldn't be about her situation just about how I'm getting on but I'm scarced to do that in case they never ever let me see her again as my therapist as I annoyed them so much into letting me see her again when it first happened
Im sitting here crying about the whole thing about emailing her I don't know what to do I'm finding this whole situation difficult and hard to cope with in not contacting her :cry2:
Xx
 
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pepecat

pepecat

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#4
I know it's hard, really hard, but i think contacting her would be a really bad idea.

Put yourself in her place for a minute. How would you feel if an ex-client suddenly emailed you askng if you were ok. Wouldn't you want to know how they got your address, or how they know things were crap (if they are)? I think if it were me, i'd be a little bit freaked out by that.

You had a professional relationship, not a personal one, and much as you would like to be friends with her, until a decent period of time elapses that's unfortunately not possible. It's a bummer, cos i had a therapist a while ago who i got on very well with, and while i didn't know much about her at all (cos that's how it is with professionals), we both said that in a parallel universe, we were the sort of people who would probably end up being friends with each other.
It would be weird if i WAS friends with her, cos she knows so much about me - and i'd know that she knew that, and it would just be....well.......weird....... for both of us.

It's hard when you see a therapist - especially one you get on with, cos they encourage you to open up to them and tell them stuff, but it's all so one way. And has to be really. We can't know stuff about them and what's going on in their lives partly cos it's irrelevent in a way, and probably cos it'd get in the way of us getting better. If i knew my therapist had broken up with a partner (if she's got one, i don't know!) I'd feel awful about sitting there chuntering on about my stuff, knowing she was going through a crappy time. They have to keep that professional distance - both for themselves and their clients. The fact that we know nothing about them means we CAN open up to them and say whatever we like.
Your therapist will have people supporting her - supervisor, colleagues, friends, family. She's not your responsibility, though as i say, it's hard when you feel a connection to her.
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#5
Hi pepecat
i wouldnt email her about her i would just say whats going on with me and again its her email address she emailed to me when she emailed me workbooks on for CBT so thats how ive got her email address its not her personal one its her work one, but i know its risky and i dont think i will do i,t but its just ingrinsgly difficult not have not seen her or spoken to her in 2 months, obviously i dont know if it was even her boyfriend or even if they have broken up so its guess work!.
I know im a freak and i take on board everything you say i really do i just dont know how im going to be able to connect with other therapists as it took me so long with others.
I think it helped she was younger and i felt like i could realte to her she was good with my autism/aspergers she was good with my panic attacks i felt like i could say anything to her she was the first therapist i had told everything too about my life and the frist therapist to start actually helping me! all be it slow because of my austism and aspergers.
still 2months on and im struggling and i dont know how to cope!.
I would know if i was in her postion it would feel a bit odd, i hope one day she can be my therapist again and i can do CBT properly.
I just wish a couple of years would hurry up!
thanks for your advice i really do appreciate it.
Ive had a constant headache for 3 days which i cant seem to shift!
hope your ok
xx
 
pepecat

pepecat

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#6
You're not a freak!
You just got very attached to someone and it's really hard when you can't see them any more. It doesn't make you a freak at all.

I imagine being upset is not going to help with your headache really - i always get a headache if i've been upset. Silly question - are you drinking enough (and not alcohol!)? Cos being deyhdrated can give you a headache.

I guess the thing to bear in mind when you have your psychotherapy assessment is not to go in comparing everything to your CBT sessions. See if you can keep an open mind and give it the best chance possible. I'm sure you will, but i guess it'll be really hard to sit there and not think 'This person is older than Laura, i'm not going to be able to talk to them', or 'this person isn't listening as much, they're not as good as Laura', or 'they're not asking me the same sort of questions that Laura did' (she is called Laura, isn't she?).... all that sort of stuff. Cos if you start thinking like that - that the person isn't as good or kind, or helpful as Laura was, then you're not going to find it as easy to talk to them and you (and they) wont get the best out of the assessment. Does that kinda make sense?
The thing to remember is that things are going to be different.
Not necessarily better or worse, but definitely different, so try not to compare it to your last therapist and your last experience of therapy. It's really hard to do that, cos we do tend to make judgements based on previous experience, but if you can do it, you'll probably be able to put your points across better.
 
A

aliwali

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#7
Hi aleshad, it's so sweet that you care so much for her! There needs to be more people like you in this world :)
I understand how it must make you feel, a good friend of mine stopped talking to me 4 years ago, but a few weeks ago her grandad died and I just felt so awful for her, and was fighting with the ex button to mail her on facebook. However I didn't mail her, because if she wanted to talk about it, she would of mailed me. It's important to give people the choice to contact you who do not normally talk to you. There needs to be boundaries for therapists and clients, even ex clients. And most therapists will stick to the rules.

Maybe your therapist was one who ended her relationship? Who says she isn't happy the relationship has collapsed? It might very well be what she wanted! Someone has to end the relationship and it could quite easily of been her :)

Don't message her hun, even though you are worried about her it will seem very strange from your therapists point of view. Alot of therapists have strict guidelines, and some of mine haven't even smiled back at me in the streets! I hope you start to cheer up abit :) xx
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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#8
Hi aliwali and pepecat
Thank you so much for messaging me.
Pepecat:thankfully i dont drink alcohol at all, but if i did i would be an alcholic by now by how much everything is getting to me.
The assessment is going to be done with a bloke i think its the head of the whole team im not sure? i dont know how a pyscotherapy assessment works i dont know who else is in there but i'll just have to see.
Its going to be difficult not to compare but im going to try not too as otherwise like you say im not going to get the best out of therapy im really scarced about the appointment.
Just wish she was the one being my pyscotherapist and i had a rubbish CBT therapist then this would be so much easier.
I really dont want to tell them how i feel about Laura and yes she is called Laura so you are right dont worry! because if i do i might not see her as my therapist again, but i gather they might aleady know i guess because i guess they have had to speak to the CBT team so im stuffed probabaly anyway:cry:
Aliwali:Thank you thats to sweet of you, i dont know if thats what she thought of me when i was in sessions probably not as i cant remember how i acted in front of her which worrys me.
I know why the boundaires are there but just to cut off ties with them completly and not email them about how you are getting on for me its difficult to not have that contact at all jsut an email here and there would make me so much better.
The thing is i know she has probably forgotten all about me she did when i walked out the door the last time but i cant seem to forget her i just hope that i didnt do anything awful in the sessions, since 2 months ago it finished i have been going over and over thinking have i upset her have i done anything wrong did she find me horrible did i offend her etc.
I will not message her its just so hard when that email address is there she knows i have it as it is not her personal one its one she uses for her work as she used to email me stuff.
Also its werid like everytime i hear something bads happened like an accident car crash or something on the news i instantly think is it her like my sister came in yesterday she siad there has been an accident and im thinking to myself is it laura? werid i know
thank you for your time in reading and responding i appreciate it.
Katie
xx
 

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