Worn-out after nearly 20 years

T

tickler

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2015
Messages
3
#1
Over the last 18 years I've been an optimist re my partners GAD, but I'm struggling to keep my chin up after 2 years of moving backwards. Not sure if I am impatient or just scared when my partner says she can't live like this any more, but I don't think she thinks I am on her side any more and doesn't like me much most of the time. Feels so dangerous in lots of ways a lot of the time. I know she hides so much from me now.

I've never sought to discuss any of our affairs. This is the first time. We've muddled-on on our own. Family have not taken her illness onboard and we left the NHS behind years ago after they messed her around for years and didn't get anywhere. Not sure how to pull it back.

I'd welcome sharing a few thoughts.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
#2
Hi Tickler and welcome to the forum.

There are just times when we all need to talk and share our worries. This is a good place for those times.

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling. You must feel very alone at times. After 18 years of being an optimist and two years of moving backwards I really don't think impatience comes in to it.

Would your partner not consider going back to her GP and give the NHS another go? Times are slowly changing and there might be more help available. It must be very difficult if you feel like you're dealing with this alone. Please feel free to share your thoughts :hug1:
 
T

tickler

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2015
Messages
3
#3
Hi

Thanks for the reply. Really appreciated. Actually I was quite impressed with (I'm gonna can her "T" if that's ok.) T. A couple of weeks ago T contacted the local NHS support to be assessed for therapy. Doesn't go out without me and doctors are out of the question. She wont go anywhere near them. T has arranged for some counselling over the phone and to join a support group which was the first time she has taken positive steps like that in the whole of the 18 years. I'm quite proud of her for that. But I am sure that T recognises that she is deteriorating quite significantly. Whether she will make the therapy session I don't know. I hope so. I know she spends a lot of time crying when I am not around and spends so much time in front of the TV playing Candy Crush on her laptop. She has some pretty robust online friends though, some she met on mental health forums. I know that they have helped her.

An unusually calm start to the day today, she's woken in fine mood but did not get up until 10. Cats and dog usually wake her at 6 (which is the time if get up for work normally). So things feel better. Its rare that T has this much sleep. I didn't wake up much before her (we have separate rooms) and as silly as it sounds, after weeks of hearing "I can't live like this any more" I want to go in there to check that she hasn't done something stupid, but don't want to wake her if she is sleeping. This whole thing started with her not getting out of her bed for weeks. So it scares me on lots of levels.

Gonna stay positive today.

Thanks for listening.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
#4
That's good to hear. I hope that your positivity continues and that T manages to go to her counselling. It's great that she has recognised the need for further assistance and has taken steps to make this happen. This must have been quite a relief for you.

You are bound to feel scared, for both T and yourself at times, but you sound a very caring and supportive person and I'm sure she appreciates this.
 
T

tickler

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2015
Messages
3
#5
Thanks Purple

A much better day. Actually T spent most of it on the phone supporting another sufferer on the phone. Not uncommon for her. I'm sure that you know that there is a lot of mutual support amongst sufferers. She never questions the fact that she supports sufferers who are nowhere as badly aflicted as she is.

Thanks for the support.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
#6
That's great!

I think sometimes we find it easier supporting others than we do coping with it ourselves. I sometimes have to stand back, turn things around and ask myself what I'd advise someone else in my situation! Strange but true :nod1:

Anyway, I hope the better days continue for you both.
 
S

schwarzwald

Member
Joined
Oct 6, 2014
Messages
5
#7
I feel for you!

I can offer no answers, but I can assure you that you are not alone in this emptyness, I seem to be your twin. I could have written your post!

It has been hard going for my wife. Your comment "my partner says she can't live like this any more, but I don't think she thinks I am on her side any more and doesn't like me much most of the time" sums up our current situation too. She feels I have let her down by not getting her the help she needs, but how do I explain I have tried and tried but it all falls apart when she refuses to go back to a doctor or psychiatrist, she can not cope with anything she perceives as a criticism and the truth would be regarded as criticising her decision.

My wife has been diagnosed with Paranoid Schitzophrenia, schitzo-affective disorder, OCD, bipolar disorder, and and probably some other bits and pieces I have forgotten. She can not socialise, has terrible anxiety, and suffers from an eating disorder. It is hardly suprising she is chronically depressed!

She does not have any friends or family, does not use a computer for anything other than for a spreadsheet of our meagre finances. She has never read novels, does not like computer games, and as you can imagine day-time TV has just about worn us both to a mindless state!

We seem to stay in a place for a couple of years before she can not cope with it at all and needs to run away. We have moved 15 times in as many years, and every time we inevitably loose money, so now it is at a state where we will probably not afford another house, all our savings have gone. I suppose we have used up over £250,000 in the 15 years we have been together.

Like your wife mine is now just about at the end and says on a daily basis that life is not worth living (and as she has attempted suicide twice before it is not idle talk).

She also will not go to a doctor because every time her hopes are raised the doctors and the NHS fail her.

I also have the morning fear, has she survived the night? This is both because of her mental health but also as she can not eat because of a complication with her diabetes she survives on an unquantifiable amount of food or drinks, vitamins and minerals and electrolyte supplements.

I also have the morning fear of how negative she will be today. It is such hard going getting up and the first thing one hears is criticism.

It is good that your wife is able to talk on the phone and support others, this may well be how she will gain greater strength to deal with her anxieties.

Sorry I have no answers, but at least I have shown you are not alone. After all doesn't it make it more difficult when one reads those "uplifting" posts and ones own situation is worse each day? So you can read this and say "blimey someone else has an equally hard time as me!"