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Working and Hurting

R

redrachel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2013
Messages
98
So I am at work today (self-employed) and nobody knows how hard this is for me. Constantly putting on a 'front' I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing I S/H'd last night again and so have to avoid this being noticed. Had an incident upset me last night and so tried to do that 'mentalisation' thing where you try and look at other explanations for things i.e. that not every thing is down to (as I think) people laughing at me behind my back and trying doing things which are against me in some way but the effort of doing this made me feel sick.
I am amazed that people can't tell what's going on inside me-but them sometimes I think that other people can read my thoughts. And yes-I have been taking my meds. So nobody knows how very very very very very difficult today is proving to be for me. Sorry to moan but there is just no other way I can express this.
 
Parissa

Parissa

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
234
Location
Bedford
:hug1:

That must have been hard for you to go to work today. I'm due to go back to my work in January. Do you feel work helps you?

Love Parissa
 
R

redrachel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2013
Messages
98
Yes-overall I think it does. But because I'm self-employed it's quite long hours. On the other hand, I couldn't do the conventional kind of work I used to do because nowadays I couldn't manage the commute. But I get panicky because of the pressure and the long hours mean things can get in a muddle at home and so that can all build up into a very panicky situation.
I wish you all the best with going back to work. Maybe best to do it gradually if that's possible and try and plan ahead as far as you can to take the pressure off yourself with mundane things once you're working. I also find that altho it's good meeting and talking with other people, it really does tire me, and so some nights I don't have much head space left to listen when other people trying to offload their issues onto me or whatever. EG the other night I lied to friend who wanted to come over and sound off about various things in his life and said I was going to see my daughter when all I was doing was going to a nearby town and walking all round it in the dark for an hour or so. He would have thought I was mad doing this on a cold dark evening but sometimes you just have to try to make those spaces in your life. hope it all goes well for you!!!
 
J

juliaw

Member
Joined
Nov 23, 2014
Messages
17
I know how you feel. I work in a restaurant, and I find it so difficult to shout the orders or joke around with my colleagues. Since I'm very social and loud otherwise I guess people can see when I'm down, I try to put on a smile but everytime someone asks me how I'm feeling I feel like crying. I don't have any advice, maybe to talk to your colleagues, they might be able to provide support. I'm not sure if I can tell anyone at work about my depression since my boss is an arsehole and probably will fire me if he thought I'm unstable.
I really hope you'll get passed this episode soon and go back to being yourself.
 
Parissa

Parissa

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2014
Messages
234
Location
Bedford
Yes-overall I think it does. But because I'm self-employed it's quite long hours. On the other hand, I couldn't do the conventional kind of work I used to do because nowadays If couldn't manage the commute. But I get panicky because of the pressure and the long hours mean things can get in a muddle at home and so that can all build up into a very panicky situation.
I wish you all the best with going back to work. Maybe best to do it gradually if that's possible and try and plan ahead as far as you can to take the pressure off yourself with mundane things once you're working. I also find that altho it's good meeting and talking with other people, it really does tire me, and so some nights I don't have much head space left to listen when other people trying to offload their issues onto me or whatever. EG the other night I lied to friend who wanted to come over and sound off about various things in his life and said I was going to see my daughter when all I was doing was going to a nearby town and walking all round it in the dark for an hour or so. He would have thought I was mad doing this on a cold dark evening but sometimes you just have to try to make those spaces in your life. hope it all goes well for you!!!
I can imagine becoming easily drained. Thanks for that advice.

Love Parissa
 
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