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Work and other related dismal affairs

B

bluemango

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2018
Messages
2
Hi, I'm new to these forums so I would just like to introduce myself.

I have had mild to severe anxiety ever since I can remember. It has caused me some health problems with my stomach and my thyroid and I want this to end.

I don't really know why I'm posting here. I don't expect easy solutions. I'm just reaching out to say hi I guess.

So I studied music. I have a Bachelors with a very high score and a Master with an ok score. I could have done better but my anxiety and my procrastination led me to not perform as well. I led myself perform not as well as I should if I'm being honest.

After my studies I found a job in an unrelated field even though I was good at what I was doing. I jumped on the opportunity with eagerness and willingness to learn. Looking back, I know I took the easy way out. I wanted, still want, to become a lecturer at a university. But I was so disappointed with my performance at my Masters that I gave up. Like I always do when things get tough.

3 years into my current job, I am so stricken with anxiety that I can't really do anything right. I keep thinking that if I injured myself on purpose then I might get some time off work and not have to deal with the stress and the demand for performance this job requires. It is a tough job and very stressful. Everyone here working middle management like me is pretty much loaded with deadlines, event planning, sales performance and a myriad of other things. Most cope quite well with the stress. I have had enough. My stress to meet all these deadlines causes me to not function, making me miss deadlines which make me suffer from severe panic attacks. Everyday I wake up with a sense of dread, as if I am going to the end of my trial where I will be judged and sentenced to a lengthy prison term.

All I want to do is quit and go back to my music career. I have already contacted old professors of mine in order to talk with them about coming back somehow, maybe doing my PhD and starting my future career.

But I am worried. What if it isn't the job that is causing me to be like this? What if I do go back to music and I can't cope with the stress there? I need to fix myself. I just have no idea where to start. All I know is that this panic and anxiety that I feel every day is eating me alive. I have a very supportive girlfriend, family and friends. However I am also worried about ruining my relationships due to my anxiety somehow. I don't know why that worries me. Deep down I know these people are here for me no matter what. Or am i just saying that.. Regardless this is causing me extra anxiety and I feel stuck.

Anyway sorry for the essay. All I wanted was to say hi
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
10,211
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum :welcome:
I'm sorry you have anxiety etc, it's worth a shot trying your music again.
I'm sure your family and friends will always support you.
Good luck
 
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