witnessed a motorbike crash yesterday

[Lady_Loop]

Was not sure where to put this but figured as I have BPD this was a gooder place as any.

Yesterday I was behind a car at a T-junction onto a busy A road and he pulled out not seeing a motorbike coming and the bike stood no change and took out the front of the car before losing control and flying off the bike. the car the n reversed back into my car..

I rang emergency services and stayed with the biker until the ambulance and police arrived but it has really freaked me out and my husband made me sad because I rang him to ask him to come and get our daughter ( who is 8) and was in the car with me ( we only lived 5 mins away ) as did the car who hit the bike, and the biker was local too....goes to show the old joke that most accidents happen within 5 miles of home are true! But he said he was in the middle of lunch and would not be able to come for a while until he finished....This really upset me as I needed him too as well as our daughter....It was a horrid thing to see and i just wanted him to be there to support me while we waited for the police...the ambulance was here by then so the biker was being sorted ( he is ok though he texted me!) and I have problems with my husband and feeling loved by him ( mainly the BPD I think) but now I am angry and sad and lots of urges to SH....some I am managing to cope with and others Iam not.....I hate the emotional rollercoaster am always on

anyway sorry that went on a bit!

loopy

 

[Apotheosis]

It has an odd effect; being involved in & witnessing accidents. I have this kind of heightened awareness now on & around roads. Vehicles are potentially lethal; & accidents can happen any time & anywhere.

 

[jamesdean]

I think that possiably I will be killed in a road accident cars/traffic freak me out I get so frightened by the roads and I'm not evn so good has acar passenger any more.

Yet I proberly was the worlds greatest driver

 

[*Sapphire*]

Hi LadyLoop

I have BPD too, but have just had some extensive treatment with it, so have learned how to manage the disorder better.

With regards to your husband, yes I do believe that persons with BPD do have conflicting feelings towards our relationships, and often look for proof in others actions towards us to validate that we are loved and cared for. Perhaps he didn't act the way you wanted him to in this instance, but I would try looking at the facts in your relationship, and not judge him by this one act when trying to decide whether he loves you.

With regards to your feelings, and urges to self harm, after an accident like this conflicting emotions can arise, anger and sadness being some. I would try not to act upon these at the moment. On the self harm forum there are lots of techniques discussed by myself and others on there that you can try to help yourself not resort to self harm. Were you thinking of self harm as a punishment to yourself for the way your husband reacted? If you were then perhaps you need to write it down, and look at the facts again. You tried your best, I don't think calling him was out of order or excessive (I think most people would ring their loved ones in times like this). And it sounds like you made a reasonable request. There is nothing as far as I can see that you did wrong, so in my opinion there is no reason to punish yourself for it.

With regards to the accident, I think you need to not dwell on what might have been. Again look at the facts. From what you said the car driver was okay, the motorcyclist was okay the only things that were really damaged was the car, and that some people were shook up about it. In a way perhaps there is a positive in this, that the car driver and motorcyclist may have learned to be more careful on the road from now on. Plus when you were not assisted by your husband you learned to cope on your own (although I'm sure this wasn't ideal) so in a way you may have become stronger. Dwelling on what might of been is really not helpful, because most of human misery is caused by dwelling on the past and fearing the future, not about the moment we are in. I practice a technique called Mindfullness as I have a tendency (I think because of the BPD) to make myself unhappy by looking to the past and future, and Mindfulness makes me concentrate on the moment I am in now. I reassure myself by saying that right now, I have a roof over my head, I am safe, I have sufficient food and drink etc etc.

Yes the emotional rollercoaster with BPD is terrible, I used to find it exhausting. There are things you can do to help you not be more vulnerable to this, and to help you with it when you are on it.

My treatment for BPD was DBT and it speaks about all of the above, it has changed my life completely. If you have not tried it, it might be worth enquiring about it with your MH practitioners if you are interested. In the meantime there is a website that describes all the above skills that you might find helpful.

http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

I hope that helps

 

[Lady_Loop]

hi Saphire,

Thank you so much for your reply! It all made so much sense to me and (annoyingly!) my rational side knew it all..... I have been having treatment for MH problems for many years...but only got BPD Dx last year...and have to say some not all but some of the health professionals have seen it as a "ah well she has BPD not a lot we can do then" Haven't tried DBT as yet as it has not been offered but I do know a lot about it and have got a book on it and do try to apply the techniques and sometimes they work and other times they don't! But hey....in the grand scheme of things and the management of BPD it is early days I guess... It is easier to deal with and accept though than all of the other dx seperately and I am a lot more accepting and forgiving on myself ...but do still have a lot of anger issues which I turn inward on myself.

I really do appriciate your reply as it has helped me see what i kinda knew but couldnt see.

loopy

 

[*Sapphire*]

No problems Lady Loop!

I had the same issues with you, as soon as a psych knew I had BPD they would just ignore me, they just saw me as a revolving door patient and had little time for me. I was once shouted at by a psych who said that I was incurable, that I would be this way for the rest of my life and to just deal with it. Nice eh?

Since I've had DBT my life has changed 100%, the therapists there did not see us as incurable and for the first time really understood the complexities of the disorder and it's origins. This was huge for me because for the first time in my life I felt understood. At the end of the treatment the majority of the group including myself felt that we had finally been cured of this supposed 'incurable disorder'; although we accepted that we will always have vulnerabilities we have learned to manage them.

Yes I still do at times struggle to try to be in my rational mind, I guess we're not perfect, but when I realise I am in emotional mind I can practice the techniques to get myself into reasonable mind or 'wise mind'. I think it will be an ongoing process, for the rest of my life, but the more I practice it the easier it gets.

I'm so pleased you have the books, and I know that trying it on your own is so much harder than having the skills training itself. I guess all I can say is yes I try some techniques and sometimes they work and at others they don't but the beauty is that you can then try another skill then another and another until one does work.

I know it all seems simple to do, when I speak to others about it they say, "well that's common sense isn't it?" or "I do that anyway without thinking, doesn't everyone?" I guess that what they don't realise is that by having an invalidating environment as a child, or not learning them from family or friends or for some other reason that it is not common sense, or common knowledge to us. The skills are a completely alien concept at times.