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Without meds!!

tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
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In a living nightmare!!
I spent 2 days in the cardiac unit a couple of weekends ago after quite a serious OD, my GP Then asked to see me! So I saw her Tuesday just gone! Between the GP and my support worker, it was decided that I would be on daily scripts after I had finished my Doset box, but I told a little white lie and the truth was that there was nothing left in my doset box, I had taken them all!! So I have been without any meds since Tuesday and I am struggling to sleep and also to differentiate between my thoughts, my memories, my dreams, my past and what I have watched on TV! I can't tell if things have actually happened or when they happened and it all worries me all the time!! I feel like I have upset people, offended people, hurt people and vice versa, but I am not sure who, why and how or even if it has happened at all!! I can't trust my own judgement!! I go through a whole range of emotions in a day and sometimes I just think that if I wasn't here there wouldn't be an issue anymore!! I saw a mental health worker while I was in the cardiac unit and was told that they couldn't help me!! Tomorrow I can start taking the meds again, but I know that it will take a while for them to kick in and I am not sure that I will survive it!! To be honest!!! I am quickly losing touch with reality and I am so petrified and paranoid about everything and everyone and upsetting people, especially those I feel closest to!! So sorry I just needed to let somebody know this in case anything does occur!! Not saying it will, but I really couldn't tell you it's not!! Just depends on this stuff bombarding me. I apologise again!! In fact I can't apologize enough!!
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
I spent 2 days in the cardiac unit a couple of weekends ago after quite a serious OD, my GP Then asked to see me! So I saw her Tuesday just gone! Between the GP and my support worker, it was decided that I would be on daily scripts after I had finished my Doset box, but I told a little white lie and the truth was that there was nothing left in my doset box, I had taken them all!! So I have been without any meds since Tuesday and I am struggling to sleep and also to differentiate between my thoughts, my memories, my dreams, my past and what I have watched on TV! I can't tell if things have actually happened or when they happened and it all worries me all the time!! I feel like I have upset people, offended people, hurt people and vice versa, but I am not sure who, why and how or even if it has happened at all!! I can't trust my own judgement!! I go through a whole range of emotions in a day and sometimes I just think that if I wasn't here there wouldn't be an issue anymore!! I saw a mental health worker while I was in the cardiac unit and was told that they couldn't help me!! Tomorrow I can start taking the meds again, but I know that it will take a while for them to kick in and I am not sure that I will survive it!! To be honest!!! I am quickly losing touch with reality and I am so petrified and paranoid about everything and everyone and upsetting people, especially those I feel closest to!! So sorry I just needed to let somebody know this in case anything does occur!! Not saying it will, but I really couldn't tell you it's not!! Just depends on this stuff bombarding me. I apologise again!! In fact I can't apologize enough!!
been there in fact still there i always end up taking all my meds then going days without them then trying to self prescribe buying downersoff the street and if i dont get anything i just smoke weed ye my life is fucked up and anything the pshyc trys to do dosent fucking work but hey were still here i dont know if we should feel priveliged to be hear or not im clueless through antipshychotics :cry:
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
Sometimes I feel like living is a punishment!! I often think of it as a 'life' sentence!!
know what you mean like everything you do is a mission hurdles in the way never straightforward no light at the end of the yunnel the misery of everyday life where we struggle to get through it i think thats why i like to be out of it all the time just so i dont have to face it i dont know if it makes sense what im writing
 
tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
Location
In a living nightmare!!
I think consciousness is totally over rated!! I wouldn't wish my 'life' on a garden worm!! I have worked so hard on improving this life and I still end up feeling worthless and in the way!! I don't think it's meant to be so difficult all the time, is it? People tell me life is what you make it, but I didn't make the choice to be ill and I certainly didn't make the decision to exist in fact I regret my existence everyday!! I wish I was invisible or had it in me to totally end my suffering like a kind person would a really sick animal, but I'm still here, unfortunately!! I am not worthy of the ground I walk or the air I breathe!!
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Tigerfish, if you have any trouble coping over the weekend, please call 111 or 999.
I don't mean to be alarmist, I just want to make sure that you can be looked after properly. :hug:
 
tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
Location
In a living nightmare!!
Please somebody make it all stop now? Please? I am so sorry I just can't take any more! O need it to stop!
 
H

Helena1

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
i am sorry you are feeling so awful. :hug:
 
tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
Location
In a living nightmare!!
Am just not doing so great!! At least I have started medication again on Wednesday!! Thank you all for your understanding!! I can't tell you that I am doing any better, I am at least still breathing!! (obviously) Thank you again!!:cry:
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hopefully starting the medication again might help get you out of the low place you're in at the moment.
And yes, keep breathing. You're doing really well to get through it all. :hug1:
 
tigerfish

tigerfish

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 26, 2012
Messages
698
Location
In a living nightmare!!
These emotional things are quite alien to me and I am not understanding what they are or where they are coming from!! I am petrified!! I soooo badly need physical pain right now!! It's driving me insane!! I have been struggling with all sorts of emotions that I don't recognise at all!! How am I supposed to know what they are doing and if they are appropriate? I have no idea!! I started therapy a little over 2 months ago and also gave up S/H around about the same time, I wonder if I have taken on too much? I just don't grasp the function of some emotions? I just want the pain to go away now!! I want to turn my life switch off!! I am not strong enough!!
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Is it a condition of your therapy that you aren't supposed to be SHing or has that not been mentioned?
I don't necessarily think you're not strong enough for what you've taken on but appreciate it's a lot and is bound to be challenging.

Have you told your therapist you have a hard time identifying the emotions and thoughts you have?
It must be difficult if you can't see the wood for the trees and even more difficult to process what's happening.

I really hope you don't SH tigerfish, but if it gets too much and you do, look after yourself. xx
 
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