Hi lilslugger
I'm so sorry you are having difficulty with your thoughts. Have you managed to speak with a counsellor or therapist about them?
You know alot of people have unwanted thoughts. For example most people have a thought about doing something negative to someone or something they really love, when things are stressful. But a thought is so different to an action.
You said you suffer with OCD a main symptom of OCD can be having unwanted thoughts but it doesn't mean that you should punish yourself for them. As I said thoughts are very different from actions.
I would strongly suggest if you can to see a counsellor, or a therapist or a doctor/psychiatrist. All of them can help to try and alleviate the impact of your thoughts and the thoughts occuring themselves.
In the meantime if you can, try to change your relationship to your thoughts. Instead of thinking you should punish yourself for them, it might help to try to think,
'It is a thought, not an action. It is a thought I do not want, and I am trying my hardest to get rid of it. Just because I have that thought does not neccesarily mean I believe it.'
Try repeating that to yourself every time you think of your negative thoughts as a challenge to them. If you feel you can not control it, and you need to self harm, at the very least please try to call NHS direct. They often have good advice. If you really don't think that is enough, please take yourself to A&E where you can get assessed and some help, you should not have to cope with this on your own.
