• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Winter Blues: When a game becomes more than a game

M

mind_the_cones

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
62
I'm a complete wreck tonight :( Look, it's my own fault because I love sports too much. I've been fine for pretty much the whole weekend. My Dad took me to see the final Hobbit film last night, which of course was amazing!!! And, hopefully tomorrow I'll be buying tickets to go to London to see more American Football later this year (also with my Dad...). But Sunday night always is a difficult night, and I did feel a bit miserable tonight. Even though I don't have anything on tomorrow, I always have the night before feeling due to my Mum and alcohol... She wasn't too bad tonight, but there was a little shouting :(

So I was watching one of the NFL matches tonight (semi-finals, effectively). What happened doesn't matter, other than the team I preferred not to win won. It was a game in which they made an almost miracle comeback to win. As a fan of any sport, you are always going to have preferences of teams and players. But ultimately, above all you should be a fan of the game. And not to take it too seriously, because above all it is a GAME. It isn't life or death, doesn't affect the rest of your life in any way.

Except that's not how my brain works. I've always been a really emotional person. So all my feelings are multiplied. Happy becomes estatic, unhaopy becomes depressed. In sports, liking a team becomes loving them. Disliking a team becomes hating a team. When the team I preferred not to win won tonight, I was more than gutted. It was like somebody had sucked the will to live and fight. I ended up self-gratifying out of misery, even though I had already had a shower. When it gets to the point where you're hating teams and getting emotional over the outcome of a game, you're going too far. I do the same with the Madden video games, too

(For example, in Soccer I dislike Chelsea. When I'm feeling like this, it extends to outright hate...)

I love (American) Football, loved it since I was 7 or 8 when my Dad introduced me to the game (he started watching during the 80's). It's my favourite sport, and my mental health problems have only hightened my love for the game, During the Winter, it's about the one thing that keeps me going during a miserable period. On Sunday's I'm glued to my TV screen.

But ultimately, I don't think it's a problem with how much I enjoy the game. I think it's just a symptom of where my mind is at the moment - not in a great place. Since my depression in Winter 2010, I always feel ill at this time of year. From memory, February seems to be the worst month of all (not looking forward to that). Also, I'm not the best at waking up in mornings, and I'm getting up at 7.45am Wednesday-Friday. I've only just started working, so I'm not that used to it.

I don't know what I can do apart from wait out the Winter... I keep thinking to myself how things will get better once I'm adjusted to not being on any medication at all. How my mind will be free of outside influences, it will truely be my own again. But what if things aren't so rosy, and I just end up a quivering wreck? What if that isn't the answer, and something else is - what would that something be?

I've been feeling unwell in the evenings recently, despite really enjoying my job. Tonight proves that I am not in a good place, and that Winter Blues have finally struck again. And I just have no idea how to move forward mentally from here. I feel back in the same dark place I've experienced for a few years now. Obviously, I am better off with my job etc. But I don't feel any progress mentally. I did earlier in the Winter, but not now...

Hopefully I'll feel better after a sleep...

Matthew
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi Matthew,

Sorry to hear you're feeling so crappy again. Hopefully it's just a blip and you will be feeling better soon (blip - what a great word!). I think that January is a bad month for many of us. Dark mornings, short days, cold, grey everywhere... It's just not a good time of year.

Perhaps you've become so frustrated with feeling low again, you've channelled all of your anger and disappointment on to your sports.

If you feel yourself sinking lower, don't let it go on for too long without seeking help. It's so easy to sink down without noticing it and climbing back out is never easy.

I hope you're feeling better soon. :hug1:

By the way...

(I dislike Chelsea. When I'm feeling like this, it extends to outright hate...)
:eek2:
 

Similar threads

Top