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will medication be my key to success in approaching women, starting a conversation, and getting their number?

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markn1996

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Toledo, Ohio
so, to start off with, not sure how many replies i will get since it seems this forum is dead, but seeing a therapist for my social anxiety and also being depressed with not being able to get a relationship, she figures that i have ADHD or autism spectrum and says my ADHD and social anxiety are both linked together, although me trying to convince her that excessive masturbation is the problem for all of that due to all of the studies done on it, she wasn’t sold on the idea and said it was just a normal behavior. and i tried to also explain that it depletes the chemical “serotonin” which plays a role and says its false too, even though you can pretty much research it everywhere and also lowers your testosterone so don’t really know why she doesn’t take all of these things into consideration, but anyways...

i have done a first cold approach at a coffee shop and got a number from a girl but nothing came out of it and got completely ghosted. i appeared shy, nervous, and awkward which is why i think the girl wanted to have nothing to do with me (as well as my hands shaking as i was entering her number which i am sure she noticed) but i been told i been good looking and very cute by a female that wasn’t really my type (well how she presented herself anyways)

which is why i think i was even able to get this girls number to begin with but i dont know, just speculation on my part.

although after i parted ways with the girl i texted her 10 mins later which i am sure did NOT help at all, and tried to message her a second time a month later to know what exactly happened - no response.

so all in all, would medicine be able to help me? because i am gonna die a virgin if i don’t get rid of my social phobia.
 
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celticlass

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Listen you really ought not go around approaching random women you do not know. At least that's what I think. If you have true social anxiety then perhaps some medications may make you more relaxed, but you need to see a Doctor to discuss this. Sounds to me that you have become so focused on having sex that it is becoming obsessions. If you have some difficulties which mean you are on the autistic spectrum, you will likely benefit from trying to build one or two friendships with women. You would do that through joining in group activity or projects. Care would be needed not to act inappropriately in such social settings.
 
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CabbageMama

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Looking for help from people when describing what is a much needed and safe space for them as a dead forum possibly isn’t going to win you any prizes.

I remember your other post and the cold approach. It sounded very planned/calculated and stressful for you, so honestly, I doubt you came across as your best self. Medication could help you relax, I am sure. Medication is unlikely to get you laid because you have targeted someone in a Café and managed to get their number though. There are other ways and places to meet people. I don’t think trying to hit on girls is the way to tackle your social phobia, it should be the other way around.

If you have a tendency to be nervous, it would probably be better to spend time with people who you aren’t trying to get in to bed with. Have you got any hobbies or interests you could pursue in a group setting? By the time you feel comfortable and confident around new people, you won’t have any problem chatting to girls you find attractive, because you will better be able to gauge their interest in you.
 
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markn1996

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Looking for help from people when describing what is a much needed and safe space for them as a dead forum possibly isn’t going to win you any prizes.

I remember your other post and the cold approach. It sounded very planned/calculated and stressful for you, so honestly, I doubt you came across as your best self. Medication could help you relax, I am sure. Medication is unlikely to get you laid because you have targeted someone in a Café and managed to get their number though. There are other ways and places to meet people. I don’t think trying to hit on girls is the way to tackle your social phobia, it should be the other way around.

If you have a tendency to be nervous, it would probably be better to spend time with people who you aren’t trying to get in to bed with. Have you got any hobbies or interests you could pursue in a group setting? By the time you feel comfortable and confident around new people, you won’t have any problem chatting to girls you find attractive, because you will better be able to gauge their interest in you.
i never said that hitting on girls would tackle my social phobia, i was just wondering if i “could” manage to do it being on medication if it would help, cause it really is hard and scary for me.

sadly no, don’t have any hobbies and don’t care for one. and i am not sure what i could do either in a boring, small city of toledo ohio. plus not many options with a pandemic besides dating apps which i tried repeatedly to do, but can’t get a single like on any of them.
 
M

markn1996

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Toledo, Ohio
Listen you really ought not go around approaching random women you do not know. At least that's what I think. If you have true social anxiety then perhaps some medications may make you more relaxed, but you need to see a Doctor to discuss this. Sounds to me that you have become so focused on having sex that it is becoming obsessions. If you have some difficulties which mean you are on the autistic spectrum, you will likely benefit from trying to build one or two friendships with women. You would do that through joining in group activity or projects. Care would be needed not to act inappropriately in such social settings.
not really on the sex aspect part, but i am just really lonely. yes i am gonna discuss it with my doctor aswell as my therapist.
 
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celticlass

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not really on the sex aspect part, but i am just really lonely. yes i am gonna discuss it with my doctor aswell as my therapist.
A lot of us are lonely at this time. Let us know how you get on please. If you could think of an activity or learning something that really appeals that may be a good starting point for building connections with both sexes. Could perhaps look to volunteer for something also.
 
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markn1996

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A lot of us are lonely at this time. Let us know how you get on please. If you could think of an activity or learning something that really appeals that may be a good starting point for building connections with both sexes. Could perhaps look to volunteer for something also.
thats what my mom is always telling me to do is “volunteer” but i don’t really know much about it and volunteer to do what? would there be any women in your opinion that i would be attracted to?

get on what?
 
Schwarzen

Schwarzen

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Nowhere in particular.
I have to be honest here and I apologize if what I will say is crass or even offensive, I say so without any malice.

In your paragraph you seem to be referencing the whole "nofap" idea (it pains me so dearly that I am aware of such things) which is pseudoscientific nonsense, and that's being generous, but worst of all it often comes packaged and associated with a whole set of mindsets and world views that I don't think are specially healthy or productive.

If you suffer from social anxiety and/or other mental issues then the purpose of treatment is to hopefully restore you to a more healthy state that enables you to live a fuller and more healthy life. Maybe that could help you be more successful in your sexual pursuits but then again maybe not. Plenty of individuals with mental issues have success in those areas while plenty without do not.

But that should be an incidental result of getting better in any case and for you instead it seems your main and first goal and sorry to say, that's a pretty unhealthy mindset to have. If the main focus of your existence is just trying to get it on with girls at any cost then you may have bigger problems than currently not being able to do that.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being frustrated because of it, but that the goal should be to generally improve as a person to live a healthier life and not just a laser focus into "what's the easiest and quickest method to get random women to sleep with me?".
 
M

markn1996

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Messages
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Toledo, Ohio
I have to be honest here and I apologize if what I will say is crass or even offensive, I say so without any malice.

In your paragraph you seem to be referencing the whole "nofap" idea (it pains me so dearly that I am aware of such things) which is pseudoscientific nonsense, and that's being generous, but worst of all it often comes packaged and associated with a whole set of mindsets and world views that I don't think are specially healthy or productive.

If you suffer from social anxiety and/or other mental issues then the purpose of treatment is to hopefully restore you to a more healthy state that enables you to live a fuller and more healthy life. Maybe that could help you be more successful in your sexual pursuits but then again maybe not. Plenty of individuals with mental issues have success in those areas while plenty without do not.

But that should be an incidental result of getting better in any case and for you instead it seems your main and first goal and sorry to say, that's a pretty unhealthy mindset to have. If the main focus of your existence is just trying to get it on with girls at any cost then you may have bigger problems than currently not being able to do that.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being frustrated because of it, but that the goal should be to generally improve as a person to live a healthier life and not just a laser focus into "what's the easiest and quickest method to get random women to sleep with me?".
im just so desperate that i would be willing to be on medication even though i probably would get bad side effects from it. but that won’t be until another month to discuss medication options. to get tested for ADHD which my therapist did not tell me this, is that its a long process, and takes like several months. but i do believe that over masturbation is the cause from it. i did come from the nofap forums btw. but couldn’t stop so i gave up and deleted my account on there.
 
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CabbageMama

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I wasn’t being rude, Mark. My protective side was coming out for you. If you are considering medication, think about it in terms of social anxiety in general. I promise you, when you find your feet and start feeling a little easier in social situations, things just happen. Really important to let it happen naturally though. Even if it is tempting to rush. And I also promise, you aren’t going to die a Virgin. But you don’t want to end up having shit sex with someone you don’t know well. Put the effort you are making into meeting someone to making yourself feel great. Then, when you do meet the right girl, your prospects for possibly a lovely friendship, some easy dating - films and popcorn, nothing fancy, maybe some awesome sex, potentially a longer term relationship increase massively. Trust me, I am old and wise! 🤗
 
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markn1996

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Toledo, Ohio
I wasn’t being rude, Mark. My protective side was coming out for you. If you are considering medication, think about it in terms of social anxiety in general. I promise you, when you find your feet and start feeling a little easier in social situations, things just happen. Really important to let it happen naturally though. Even if it is tempting to rush. And I also promise, you aren’t going to die a Virgin. But you don’t want to end up having shit sex with someone you don’t know well. Put the effort you are making into meeting someone to making yourself feel great. Then, when you do meet the right girl, your prospects for possibly a lovely friendship, some easy dating - films and popcorn, nothing fancy, maybe some awesome sex, potentially a longer term relationship increase massively. Trust me, I am old and wise! 🤗
never said you were. its also against my religion to have sex before marriage (as well as other religions) but i probably would still end up doing it anyways.
 
BrianHorlicks

BrianHorlicks

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@markn1996.
The problem is that your already setting yourself up for a fall,
Your creating problems that you can't overcome,
Do you know any one whis got a sister?
Or female work colleagues?
Or female cousins?
Talk to them,
This might get you over your anxiety.
 
M

markn1996

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Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
68
Location
Toledo, Ohio
@markn1996.
The problem is that your already setting yourself up for a fall,
Your creating problems that you can't overcome,
Do you know any one whis got a sister?
Or female work colleagues?
Or female cousins?
Talk to them,
This might get you over your anxiety.
nope, none i would find attractive anyways. no sadly, my mom only had a half sister so i don’t got any family i know of on my moms side. my dad was arab so all his family are a 1000 miles away.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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The Prancing Pony
Getting a girl's number is something folk did in the 1980s. Beside even if you had her number now - she would not pick up or just block you.
 
C

CabbageMama

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He doesn’t mean you should fancy them, Mark, just be around them. So women are a bit less weird to you.
 

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