• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Will life ever feel worth living? Is there hope?

M

myselfinwinter

Member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
24
Location
U.S.A
I feel like each year (for over 5 years now) I get an additional or updated diagnosis. My biggest struggles right now are bipolar depression, trauma flashbacks, and an eating disorder. I'm exhausted of going to therapy and taking medication, it seems like the only purpose of that stuff is to keep me alive, but its not enough to feel like I'm doing anything other than surviving. There have been brief periods where I have done very well, and gone without symptoms, and during those times I have thought, "this is it? this bland life is what I worked so hard for?" It just doesn't seem worth it. Right now I'm really going through tough times. I don't want to go into a more intensive therapy, I've been there done that, and look where it's gotten me. You'd think 5 years of therapy and meds would have gotten me somewhere better than laying in bed all day, barely eating and stinking up my room from not taking a shower.

Has anyone gotten to the point where they feel like their life is worth living? What changed for you? How did you get to that point? The regret of not killing myself when I had the chance has been pretty consistent for four years. I want to know if there is hope for me.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,548
Location
Nashua NH
I feel like each year (for over 5 years now) I get an additional or updated diagnosis. My biggest struggles right now are bipolar depression, trauma flashbacks, and an eating disorder. I'm exhausted of going to therapy and taking medication, it seems like the only purpose of that stuff is to keep me alive, but its not enough to feel like I'm doing anything other than surviving. There have been brief periods where I have done very well, and gone without symptoms, and during those times I have thought, "this is it? this bland life is what I worked so hard for?" It just doesn't seem worth it. Right now I'm really going through tough times. I don't want to go into a more intensive therapy, I've been there done that, and look where it's gotten me. You'd think 5 years of therapy and meds would have gotten me somewhere better than laying in bed all day, barely eating and stinking up my room from not taking a shower.

Has anyone gotten to the point where they feel like their life is worth living? What changed for you? How did you get to that point? The regret of not killing myself when I had the chance has been pretty consistent for four years. I want to know if there is hope for me.
Do you have things outside yourself that you could invest yourself in and derive meaning from? Even if it’s just something like this forum. Its easy to fall back into feelings of futility. I think it’s important to have things we are invested or possibly even people we are invested in to help pull us out.
 
M

myselfinwinter

Member
Joined
May 4, 2020
Messages
24
Location
U.S.A
Do you have things outside yourself that you could invest yourself in and derive meaning from? Even if it’s just something like this forum. Its easy to fall back into feelings of futility. I think it’s important to have things we are invested or possibly even people we are invested in to help pull us out.
I try. I have a lot of things and people I am invested in but it is never enough.
 
W

Wanttofeelpeace5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
691
Location
New zealand
I feel like each year (for over 5 years now) I get an additional or updated diagnosis. My biggest struggles right now are bipolar depression, trauma flashbacks, and an eating disorder. I'm exhausted of going to therapy and taking medication, it seems like the only purpose of that stuff is to keep me alive, but its not enough to feel like I'm doing anything other than surviving. There have been brief periods where I have done very well, and gone without symptoms, and during those times I have thought, "this is it? this bland life is what I worked so hard for?" It just doesn't seem worth it. Right now I'm really going through tough times. I don't want to go into a more intensive therapy, I've been there done that, and look where it's gotten me. You'd think 5 years of therapy and meds would have gotten me somewhere better than laying in bed all day, barely eating and stinking up my room from not taking a shower.

Has anyone gotten to the point where they feel like their life is worth living? What changed for you? How did you get to that point? The regret of not killing myself when I had the chance has been pretty consistent for four years. I want to know if there is hope for me.
First of all . My answer is yes . There is hope !!! I'll probably ramble a bit but first off I'm 52 and can tell you today I want to live till I'm 95 . There has been good times and bad times but nothing like what has happened in the last 2 years. Something's started to change and I went so low and stayed and stayed and stayed there. Every thought was suicidal round and round again and again but I was too fucken wiped out dehydrated to do it . Then I had 1 good day .and I thought yay I'm alright . Then bang I wake up and fucked again . But .. bit by bit the lows were not quite as low and the " is this how normal people feel moments got a little longer and a little higher" as you say we all work so hard and then I started to try everything .. Google this Google that .. npl . Rapid eye movement therapy .. Delia lama videos . Energy is the answer videos . Diet . Exercise .etc etc etc ... Whatever it took . Sleep sleep and sleep . I'm not going to tell you what worked and what didn't work because to be honest I really don't know . I'd say trying everything again and again looking and looking . Fighting and fighting as I can tell you are doing .. I haven't got the answer but as I said yes yes and yes ... Anybody on this forum is so fucken awesome .. hugs hugs and keep going .
 
T

TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
338
Location
Australia
I feel like each year (for over 5 years now) I get an additional or updated diagnosis. My biggest struggles right now are bipolar depression, trauma flashbacks, and an eating disorder. I'm exhausted of going to therapy and taking medication, it seems like the only purpose of that stuff is to keep me alive, but its not enough to feel like I'm doing anything other than surviving. There have been brief periods where I have done very well, and gone without symptoms, and during those times I have thought, "this is it? this bland life is what I worked so hard for?" It just doesn't seem worth it. Right now I'm really going through tough times. I don't want to go into a more intensive therapy, I've been there done that, and look where it's gotten me. You'd think 5 years of therapy and meds would have gotten me somewhere better than laying in bed all day, barely eating and stinking up my room from not taking a shower.

Has anyone gotten to the point where they feel like their life is worth living? What changed for you? How did you get to that point? The regret of not killing myself when I had the chance has been pretty consistent for four years. I want to know if there is hope for me.
Hi there.

From my own experience I really don't believe Bipolar is as complicated as it is made out to be by the industry.

Yes there is hope. From educating myself things changed. Some things stated as conventional wisdom in Psychiatry are strange. Always remember that Bipolar is a problem of mood regulation. As with so many other "mental illnesses". Guess what? my life changed dramatically when I started making efforts to "regulate" my mood naturally. If that meant sleeping better then so be it. If that meant quitting caffeine then so be it. If that meant letting go of unhealthy habits and relationships and environments then so be it.

Your complaint is a common one. I was diagnosed with multiple diagnoses. Including bipolar disorder. But now I am off all pills except one and only on one diagnosis which I am still questioning because I haven't had an episode ever since 2014.

My experience is what inspired me to study mental health seriously. With sincere and genuine interest.

Education is what changed my life for the better. That's what gives hope. Especially when you learn some important facts that are the opposite of what you are being told. There is a book "Anatomy of an epidemic" by Robert Whitaker. This book gained a lot of controversy and hostile reactions from Psychiatry. It used statistics from the Psychiatric industry itself thats one reason. One of the most interesting questions of the book was, "If the current model of care is the answer to psychiatric illnesses, why are these illnesses getting worse and why are more people getting diagnosed even children?". Logically if something is the ideal treatment, you would expect things to be getting better right? Pretty logical right?

I can tell you from experience, no one knows YOU better than YOURSELF. And only YOU can love YOURSELF the most. No one can show you that much concern. Maybe your family or someone that love you can show a similar amount of concern naturally though.

Chronic illnesses like Bipolar and Schizophrenia are not necessarily the incurable ailments they are made out to be. It depends on your case. How do I know that? Because there are people who lose these illnesses and they can't explain why. There are many cases where that happens. In my research I am not convinced they can truly even be detected on brains scans which has opened huge doubts as to the current treatment approach and this view is even supported by some famous practicing psychiatrists like Peter Breggin.

I really suggest educating yourself because like I said no one will truly care about you as much as you do about yourself. That's why humans feel their own pain. No one else feels another persons pain. We all have our own hearts and bodies. No one will do the research for you.

Regarding my own case. Since educating myself and looking at my problems wisely, things have changed incredibly for the better. My view of the world has changed. My understanding of purpose has strengthened too which helps people having a mid life crisis.

If you look on this forum and many other forums on the internet, your questions is incredibly common.

I hope that helps.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2017
Messages
3,057
Location
Pyongyang, DPRK
Honestly, you've got to find your purpose in life. Some people find out early on, others spend most of their lives looking. But no one can find it for you. It's got to be something you discover, something you can commit yourself to without any question, and something that can drive you on every day. It's not easy to find at all, but once you've got it it's amazing. Take your time, really explore your options and see what's out there x
 
Top