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will I ever get better

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bass1

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May 30, 2013
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ive suffered from PTSD for a few years now down to a relationship that went on for 6 years, i was raped, abused mentally and physically and i was controlled. that relationship ended 5 years ago but i still get the symptoms of PTSD, Im in art therapy and have been for 1 year,

the thing is, i started a relationship with a man about 4 months ago i have known for 15 years and we have always been close friends. now we are together he has changed, hes gone from laid back to being obssesive with me. wanting to know everything, why some of my plans dont involve him and im finding it hard. i know he wouldnt hurt me physically but its causing me stress. I honeslty avoid him because i cant deal with him wanting constant attention and wanting to hug and message me everyday minute of the day,

is this normal when starting a new relationship? this is how my last one started and it scares the hell out of me, ive spoken to him time and time again about this but its not going into his head, he tells me he latches on to things he likes but this is a bit much for me

thank you so much in advance
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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I wish i could offer you advice but my head is so screwed up.
I hope you find peace of mind around this.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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Hi, I'm really sorry that you went through such an abusive relationship in the past. :( I can imagine how this might affect you in your current relationship.

I'm not sure if there's such thing as normal. Some people like more affection, others less, the same goes with time spending together, attention needed or whatever. I think the most important thing is finding some balance, at least that's how it's been for me. Finding out what the other person likes, what they do not, how you can compromise, and see if things work out.

If you feel uncomfortable, I think it's important that you address it. A "that's the way I am" answer is not really very fruitful, especially when you are also dealing with the trauma. Perhaps you could explain to him, that this is becoming a real issue for you, and it's important for you to take it slower? (or have you already done that?) Does he know about the abuse?

Personally, I don't find his behavior worrisome from what you describe. (Although I'm not a big fan of someone wanting to know everything etc.) It's ok for someone to show affection, but it's also ok for you to try and establish boundaries and rhythm that you feel comfortable with.
 
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bass1

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May 30, 2013
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Thank you so much for replying. Yea I've been explaining to him I don't like too much. He says he will calm down but he doesn't 😔 he counts the days when we haven't seen each other and he laughs about sending me 50+ messages a day 😔 when I say I'm not feeling too god he still comes to my house. I wish I could give him all the attention he wants but I can't 😔
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

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I'd end it with him.

Ptsd, I hope it gets better. I think it does.
 
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bass1

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Thank you I think that's what I'm going to have to do 😔
 
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bonobo

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Jan 9, 2015
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Yeah, definitely dump him. Doesn't sound like he's going to be helping your recovery whatsoever.

You're doing great - You sound so bloody brave! xx
 
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bass1

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Thank you so much, I've been on the straight for so long and feeling like I'm going backwards, thank you so much for your support xx
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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It seems you've made your mind up that you are probably going to end the relationship.
But just wanted to chip in and say that it's absolutely ok (and probably the right move) to not be with him any more.

It may be that he just gets overly attached and it's nothing sinister, but if it's causing you concern or worry then I don't think it's worth it.:hug1:

You've got to look after yourself more than anybody.
A relationship may come along in the future when you're more prepared, and that's cool if it does.
But in the meantime, don't be in a situation that you're not comfortable with. x
 

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