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Wife suffers from depression, ptsd and it is tearing us apart

H

husband

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
2
My wife whom I love with all my heart a year ago while be dragged though court and having to deal with the ex and an ugly custody battle began withdrawing and lashing out at me. She sees a dr once a week and is on medication.

The problem that I have is that with what she is dealing with and the kids in the home we are never spending any time together. After normally 2 weeks of being utterly alone in my home because she is occupied by choice with the children ages 6-17 (her 3 kids) by the time we are in bed at 10:30 she reads books and falls asleep. Now here comes the part that blows my mind.

Like I said after 2weeks I get fed up with it because I feel absolutely unwanted in every aspect of our marriage and I try and tell her. "Honey don't you want to sit and watch a movie with me? No., Do you want to cuddle up on the couch? No, Do you want to do anything at all? I'm reading. To which I then get obviously irritated because I'm trying to spend time with her and am hitting a brick wall. And she hears it in my voice. When I push the topic she turns it around into left field and raises her voice to me saying things like 'I dont want to fight', or Jesus Christ not again I dont want to go through this again, or Stop criticizing me and calling me a horrible person!

That just blows me out of the water, I tell her she is not listening at all to me. and I "" Honey I'm telling you that you are ignoring me, I'm telling you that I feel completely unwanted, how the heck is that criticizing you?

Tonight she spent the whole afternoon in bed, upset, I come in the room she says that it puts her on edge. How is that even possible when I'm asking her to cuddle up with me?
Now 7 hours later, I'm on the couch she is yelling at me after I'm laying there holding her and rubbing her back and neck for nearly an hour because she says to me that our life is a wreck our marriage is a wreck. I take great offense to that because the only problem I have had is with 2 things in our home.
1. Feeling like I am nobody to her anymore
2. Getting upset when I have to sit there and listen to her6 year old son be utterly disrespectful to her because if I say anything at all she is on my case saying not to do anything. We have been together for 4 years but only living together for 1 year and I can just go on and on about this and write a book but I hope someone out here can explain to me what the hell is going on because despite me loving her with every ounce of my being I cannot deal with this much longer.
HELP
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
Hi and welcome to the forum.

I'm sorry that you are having to deal with so much and getting nothing but hurt in return.

It's very difficult trying to cope with depression so I do feel for your wife but, as is not always spoken about as much, it's also extremely difficult for loved ones and families to cope with.

I'm sure that she loves you too but depression can make you feel confused, lonely, irritable, distraught and apathetic. It can also make you want to isolate yourself from everyone and push people away. If you have the strength to, just support your wife by letting her know how much you care and that you are there for her whilst also giving her some space.

I suppose that this said, you also have to decide how much you can cope with too. We all have our limits. I'd also say that there's no excuse for the verbal attacks. Perhaps explain that you are trying to understand and care for her but that you won't tolerate being spoken to in that manner.

I don't know if any of this helps but I hope that your situation improves soon.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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13,531
Location
The West Country
As Purple Chaos has mentioned, depression can cause people to want to withdraw - even from the ones that love them most.
It must be incredibly frustrating and upsetting for you, particularly as it sounds as if your wife isn't being very communicative.
Obviously you haven't said what the root of her PTSD is, but that might also make her feel as though she needs to be on her own and it may be why she's reluctant to be physically close to you.

Have you considered couple's counselling at all?
 
H

husband

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
2
The root of the PTSD is from her previous marriage and the continuation of a barrage of legal barrages of him trying to discredit her and take the children from her. He had tried in the state of PA before we moved out of state and was proven to be lying on the stand along with his sister and father. All of them were discredited as they launched a volley of venomous statements at my wife which have deeply scarred her. Not only did we win, but he appealed the decision and lost, he then appealed it to the superior courts and was also denied then tried for custodial changes in a mediation and was denied now again taking us back to court to try for the same thing. And though it might sound like he is a father who wants his children it really is quite sad, he is only trying to get custody of his 6 year old son. He made it clear and it is noted in the court documents that he is only interested in the boy and not the 2 teenage daughters. Both of whom no longer wish to see him or speak to him. My wife has nightmares of him trying to hurt her, has nightmares of people calling her names and not trusting her character because of the lies they said in the court room. Even though they were lies and they were proven to had been lying it gives her no resolve and all she can think of is that in every waking moment. It is horrible for her and not to be selfish but I just feel like I'm not there in any intimate way, I'm just there as a husband. I know she loves me, she just can't get out from this horrible gloom that she is in to show me.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
It must be an awful thing to have gone through, for both of you. I obviously only have your side of it but your wife's ex sounds like a absolutely dreadful man and I'm not surprised that she is suffering.

Will she talk to you openly about any of it? Have you considered couple's counselling as Somerset suggested? It sounds as though you really need to get some level of communication and intimacy back in to your relationship.
 
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