Wife recently diagnosed as bipolar had affair

D

David070174

New member
Joined
May 4, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Sikeston, MO
#1
My wife of 3-plus years (been together for 6 years) was diagnosed with bipolar disorder three weeks ago and began taking medication. Looking back there had been signs for years and years but it recently took over her life in December when she moved out after an argument and got her own place. We were working through issues and seeing a counselor and things seemed to be going well. It was like we were dating again and even looking to buy a house together. However at the same time she was looking for a house for just herself at the same time behind my back. Then a day after being diagnosed she had sex with her ex-husband and has continued to sext and have phone sex with him a couple more times since until I found out the other day. She says some days she feels like she loves me and other she doesn't. She says she has to get her own place (even though she has no job at the moment) for self care reasons and says she doesn't know what she wants yet despite giving no indications she wants to try and fix the marriage after her unfaithfulness. I don't know if this is a biproduct of the bipolar disorder or if she is just unfaithful. I'm lost at the moment of what to do. I don't want to be used and strung along but if it is the bipolar I would like to try and work it out. I do still love my wife even after her unfaithfulness.
 
embleton

embleton

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
293
Location
Plymouth
#2
Most living with bipolar, which is almost half my diagnosis, are loud and colourful when living through high episodes. Generally, more activity in all areas is shown and not necessarily productive or wise for 2 weeks or more unless treated. Those living with bipolar have depression in the majority with episodes that last a lot longer sometimes even years.

I'd separate the relationship and living with bipolar subjects completely, it's not relevant.

And welcome to the forum :welcome:
 
D

David070174

New member
Joined
May 4, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Sikeston, MO
#3
Thank you. Just so I understand, you are saying the relationship has nothing to do with her being bipolar? I think she is definitely at the end of a high episode after starting her medicine. Can starting on a mood stabilizer cause a high episode?
 
embleton

embleton

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
293
Location
Plymouth
#4
Even though those living with bipolar may have an encounter that unwisely leads to infidelity its not an excuse for doing what you like in life without regard for everyone and anyone, but of course, illness can impact one's judgement on one occasion or two but not all the time even when living with bipolar. An example of the illness would be a one-night stand, but an affair?

A mood stabiliser would not cause a high episode, it's quite the opposite.
 
megirl

megirl

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
6,293
Location
NZ
#5
I agree a one night stand that's impulsive,reckless and unsafe behaviour.
Having an affair takes planning, secrecy and a lot of thought.
I guess the thing is can you then forgive and trust someone that this won't happen again.
And at the end of the day you do need to do what is right for you. As your mental well being is important as well
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,501
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#6
I respectfully disagree. An affair can be fueled by a hypomanic state; it remains high on the affair. I know this personally; to be so high on sex that you keep the affair going and going and going. There was no planning, no secrecy and not much thought given to consequences. There was no way to stop the run away train driven by bipolar.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,501
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
#7
I don't think there would have been an urgency to perpetuate the infidelity had I taken the lithium as offered, but I refused it. It is a good sign that your wife is willing to take the medication.
 
embleton

embleton

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
293
Location
Plymouth
#8
Respectfully, how many affairs was it at one time with hypersexuality?
 
embleton

embleton

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
293
Location
Plymouth
#10
My point is that is not an affair it is a full-blown relationship.
 
embleton

embleton

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 13, 2018
Messages
293
Location
Plymouth
#11
Just to clarify that statement it takes planning in an affair or a full-blown relationship whereas with hypersexuality which is part of the illness it would be multiple partners.
 

Similar threads