Why...... why?

[Nicky]

I often try to tell myself that when i feel ike I have been let down or lost a close friend through no fault of my own, that it is an everyday life thing. I happens to people all the time and I am not being singled out. However, I cant get it out of my head. What is so wrong with me that people treat me the way they do? or more so what did i do to deserve it?
I know we cannot change people and we can make them do what we want, but I miss my best friend. I believe i hardly exist to them anymore. They have found someone better, so i am now thrown aside like old jeans for a newer better pair. I am finding it so hard to understand. All i keep asking myself (and them) is why?
Pretty soul destroying really. Hurts. The one person i felt safe with and could trust.....
The lonliness is now killing me

Nicky

 

[saffron]

Hi Nicky
sounds like you are having a bad time at the moment, nothing worse with not knowing what you have done wrong, in that case its probably nothing, but its easy to beat yourself up over it. You said you have asked your friend why, what was the response and how did you ask. Maybe they are as confused as you are.
you say you try to convince yourself that it is an everyday thing, and in a way it is, but you only see others experiences from the outside, you do know why or what happened. you sound like you are mourning a friend and need closure, you must be able to get that, write then a letter, talk to their parents (if you had that type of relationship) or forgive yourself and admit it is nothiing you did wrong its that they changed and you did not.

Ive spent a lot of time tourturing myself over what I thnk I might have done wrong, and when I get the chance to ask they normally say 'I cant give you want you want,' but even I do not know that so how could they.

I think getting to know yourself better and knowing that it is ok to want to be respected and appreciated helps to make me feel better anyway. I just need to find my own identity, how about you. I have been trying to 'fit' in for so long I do not know who I am, once I find that I will be happy with myself and my own company and will not take it so personally when I get dumped on, becasue Im not a bad person really, but thats me, how about you?

they will realise what they have lost but may not have the strength or knowledge to admit they were in the wrong. sad to loose such a good friendship, but maybe its just they way it is, you should use this as chance to experience other things.

hope you feel better soon.
S

 

[Nicky]

Hi Saffon,

Thank heaps for your reply, i appreciate it. Truth is I know that its them that have changed not me, Its just more the 'what ifs?' thats tourturing me - like what if i was a better person? would it have happened? Or what ifi was more caring or didnt have the illnesses i do? would that change it?
I worry That its my fault - that i brought it all apon myself because I am not good enough. I know I havnt changed and they admitted that they have and they dont know why.... we have spoken alot about it but it doesnt really change. maybe good for a day or two then I find myself fighting with lonliness again.
I should have mentioned that i live with this person so i cant exactly try and move on and forget them or ignore it. Its in my face al the time

 

[Prawny]

Hi Nicky, I'm afraid I don't have many words on this at the moment, but I wanted you to know I understand. People always seem to be leaving me, and I don't understand why. It's ok to feel hurt by it, but try not to forget about other friends and opportunities you could take advantage of in these sad times...maybe your friend will sort herself out soon. *hugs*

 

[saffron]

It s hard to live in situations llike that, maybe you could take this chance to do something for yourself, be a bit more independant and try new things, then you willl have something to focus on rather than the current situation, Your friend maybe just needs some space to do the same. Sorry I cant be more helpful
Be strong its nothing you have done wrong people do change sometimes not the way we would prefer but thats what makes us all unique. What are your interests?

S

 

[bburns]

Hi just wanted to stop in and say hello. I also get the what ifs, I almost beat myself up inside my head wishing I had changed some things, I had said or done to repair the past. I guess we have to move on... I am trying. I do hope you feel better and maybe find new friends who understand you better.

 

[ManFea]

Me Too

Hi i just wanted to jump in and say this is again one of the things that effect me as well. I wish i had a solution for you i don't, just empathy - I constantly second guess myself and over analyse my actions to others and their reactions. And I have to say its exhausting. Which is why this forum is my greatest point of contact with other human beings today . All i can say is one of my own little sayings. - Change is the natural order of things, things that stay the same are abnormal.

I trust your feeling ok