why they call me an attention seeker

[mad as a hatter]

i,ve been on the forum before as i have bipolor that,s fair enough just as i was getting my head round this they just hit me with u also got borderline personality disorder hard as that is i think i can handle it but what really gets me there callin me a attention seeker i simply can,t cope with that i feel such a mess my emotions r everywhere i feel so hurt and cut up at this cause i certainly don,t beleive that i,m like that at all yeah i,ve got my problems i have 2 live with suicidal thoughts 24/7 and the mood swings off bipolor there will be a lot people on here that will understand that i had a pdoc say 2 me they other wk i think u just wanna me 2 be worried about u i got so angry i chucked her out me house mind u i did threaten 2 kill her if she ever came back thought i was goin end up in hospital cause that but luckly i didn,t what gives them the damn right 2 say i like the attention i,m so distraught if u ask ne 1 that know,s me they,ll say i,m just the opposite off that rather be hidin in the corner somewhere i can,t tk ne more off life i,ve had enough them all i,ve fired off a letter 2 my consultant this morning tellin him i,m not 2 happy at this at all but it probabaly get ignored and put down 2 another piece attention seekin mh services what a joke they r and they,d rather sit bk watch some 1 suffer and self destructive or crash and burn as they have done in so many occasions i hate them all gettin 2 the stage i,m goin tell them all stuff it mind u luckly i,ve got a good cpn that does spk up for me mind u won,t be long before they tk her off me 2 sorry i,m havin a bit rant about all this

 

[Ainsworth]

i think your completely right to rant about this and feel hurt.

to call you an attention seeker is being invalidated. your being asked how you feel, your telling them and then they hit you will that line, it takes away everything from yourself as a person with MH issues.

take care

 

[jemoess]

i also think you are completely right to rant and feel hurt about this. they have no right to judge you. the pdoc is there to listen and try and help you get better, not tell you their opinion of you. i hope that you get to keep your cpn, and that the consultant doesn't ignore your letter, but instead reads it and gets you a good pdoc.

 

[schizzzoid]

You have two diagnoses... What sort of professional would, assuming they've read your notes, say such a thing? I'll tell you, a f#%&ing useless one! And if they aren't aware of your condition(s), what on earth are they doing trying to treat you?

I hope you don't dismiss all MH professionals, and, continue to seek help, they aren't all useless, and I hope you stay safe and look after yourself.

 

[dib4uk]

No your not an attention seeker- and so what if you were?? What i mean is that everyone has a right to be heard, and because we all suffer from some form of mental health problems- we need to be listened to.

Having two conditions that causes your mood to swing back and forward like a yoyo on acid is no joke.

Its ok to rant- so rant ahead, and like everyone else has said dont give up on the cmh team...not all of them can be bad.

 

[mad as a hatter]

i am in such a mess right now that i got somethin 2 hang myself with i can,t cope ne more but the thought off goin into hospital fills me with dread as they have taunted me in the past about bein attention seeker rhink that knock me over the edge even more they pdoc just keeps sayin there,s somethin wrong with my personality and when i beg her for help cause i,m suicidal she says no ur not goin kill ur self so ur not goin into hospita; she said she is disappointed when i go in then puts all the blame on me so when i do tk tablets i ended up in 3 months last time cause i took tablets but all through my stay the staff taunted me about bein attention seeker and i was enjoyin all the fuss i can,t stand the thought off that again even tho i need some help i,d rather kill myself as have them do that again i c my sociol worker later on 2 day so i,m tryin hang on for that my mum died a few yr bk i can,t cope without her i miss her so much she, been so angry at my treatment mind u my dad not 2 happy at this he,s tried he even spoke 2 my consultant how a yr ago said i was attention seekin but he hasn,t been so bad this time he detained me for 3 months ove christmas cause i was harmin myself quite a lot i don,t cut our ne thing i just tk tablets writin on here is so good 2 get out how i,m feelin ur helpin so much thanks i feel so angry at mh services i feel like hammerin 1 them bastards as i said my cpn is crill but i don,t c her till nxt wk maybe if i phoned her she might come out i,m not sure i,m a bit scared 2 qith what they r sayin 2 me sorry this id so long

 

[mad as a hatter]

what a shit day i,ve had went 2 the day centre 2 my group sat and stared into space for an hour and half had 2 leave as i had appointment with my mh worker i got so upset as she knew somethin wasn,t right tho i said i was fine but she wasn,t daft and asked me about my suicidal thoughts and she was really concerened cause i refused 2 tell her about my plans 2 kill myself i couldn,t i bloody feel impulsive at times but i,m tryin 2 fight this i got so upset i tried 2 walk out but she talked me bk and said she,s call my cpn but i told her 2 forget it i told her i was feelin distressed with it all and told her i wasn,t takin my tabs right i was savin them up she wasn,t happy at that i got real upset with it all again then i walked out so i,m not sure what will happen 2 morrow but i can,t c her leavin it that that but i,m hopein she does i haven,t got another appointment either cause i walked out it,s a total mess really why is it when u think things r gettin better then u crash again it,s so unfair i fear endin up in hospital as i said i,ll fight that all the way as it fills me with dread maybe i,ll hibernate from every 1 2 morrow i,m so tired off it all

 

[mad as a hatter]

oh my fuckin god mh services there just a joke i got a phone call from them 2 day 2 say i was well suited and i,d got a place on the dbt i was happy cause i thought it was somethin that might help me but as usual there,s always a but with them i,ve told u all about the attention seekin thing won,t go into that again but they,ve told me my key worker goin be 1 them nurses from that fuckin hospital i was in that called me attention seeker i just can,t beleive it there just a total joke didn,t even listen 2 a word i said i said 2 her u r joking me right taking the piss but apparently no they r serious i was raging my dad said being angry like this only making u worse i did point out look at they way they treat me his un answer was unbelevible they always treat u that way not lot u can do about what,s that all about it,s almost as if he,s accepted that,s how it,s alway,s goin be well i bloody haven,t i told the dbt people no way i,m goin 2 the meetin if she,s goin be my key worker her answer takes the biscuit apparently this nurse totally diff person outside the ward unbeleivable so that gives them the right 2 treat people like that cause ur in a ward envoriment what a fuckin joke i,m i am so angry i thought about for a few mins then said ok i,ll come 2 ur meetin then i,ll get this bloody sorted there not gettin off with this thing is they r taking 1 my other supports off me that really does work and help i,ve went 2 advocacy about this c they can help me cause i can,t stand this ne more it,s dragging me down making me suicidal can,t take much more so it,s maker or break in nxt couple wks things either get sorted out or i walk from mh services for good

 

[mad as a hatter]

i was just thinking about the letter i,ve sent 2 my consultant i thought i,d share on here with u lot i,m a bit worried he,s not goin like it this what i wrote

i am sick of you lot telling me that i,m ill when there,s nothing wrong with me your all trying 2 get in my head so u can all control my thoughts you think i can,t c that i,m daft your all against me u can all stuff it i won,t be bk that medication full posion especially that risperidone not lettin that tk my normal thoughts away you all mk me angry i don,t care ne more i control the fuckin world anyway i am sick the lot u your not callin me attention seeker ne more i,ll take u all on i,ve got the power i rule this world not u doctors i don,t need meds you can all fuck off

oh well it,s 2 late the letters gone 2 him

 

[jemoess]

why don't you want to be on meds? it sounds like the right meds could help you.

 

[penelope]

Oh hun. I know how you feel. I sent a million letters to everyone complaining how I felt. They will not say anything to you about it so don't worry.
You are hurting and 'attention seeking' is not what you are. It is another persons frustration and you shouldnt take it onboard.
I was called that and manipulative and all names under the sun basically so know exactly how you feel.

You are hurting and you deserve to get help .

Keep talking inbetween seeing the team as sometimes it is good to get things out of your head

xx xx

 

[mad as a hatter]

i am taking meds mood stabilizers not that there doin much good at the mo as my mood swing like crazy just certain ones i refuse 2 take ne way i,m not 2 bothered about that there not gettin off with callin me attention seeker that,s why i sent the letter cause i was damn mad at them arseholes i don,t expect a reply either i had 2 phone mh services 2 day about gettin a new app but the woman isn,t in the office so we,ll c if i get a call bk from them this wk if they don,t i,ll complain 2 her boss i got nothing 2 lose ne more got my cpn comin up this wk luckly she seems on my side and i like her but like ne thing else with mh services they can soon change there tune i,ve learned that through the yrs mind u i,m tryin tk a step bk from it all cause this anger towards them is messin with my head and it,s making me physically ill with it all think me dad pissed off with it all2 he,s gone off for 4 days for a wee break out the road and i don,t blame him either i,ve been a ntemare for wks now grrr at mh services

 

[penelope]

I can see how it is all getting to you . At least you have your CPN to talk to.
Maybe its a good thing your dad has gone away for a few days it will give you a bit of peace.

If you don't hear from the team then your cpn will probably be able to help you on that.
x

 

[dib4uk]

Maybe its me, probably it is me- I know that theres thousands of other people who are waiting to get therapy- and thats fine. I personally dont have a problem with waiting... for me its what/how do I cope in the mean time???

At the end of the day I know that I will get the help- and so will others on this forum, but unless you can afford to go private we have to wait. Becuase the complex needs we all have and our individual needs maybe try counselling first?

Sometimes its vital to get clarity of the situation- and sometimes its better just to step back and let things go. Clearly having thoughts of suicide and stuff like that is a different matter- and that anyone who is going through that should get more priority care than others who haven't reached that yet.

 

[mad as a hatter]

sorry maybe i,m a bit thick u have completly lost on what u r on about no offense mean,t but i haven,t got a clue what ur on about i am gettin some help but it,s just the people that r doing it r not the one,s i am happy with especially if they call me attention seeker tell how would u work with them i don,t think many people would yeah i,ve got constant suicide thoughts as u say so a lot people i do some 1 about that and she,s good but it,s not goin last forever seein her that,s sad especially when it does help but u gotta work hard 2 get ne thing in the currant system that,s what makes people angry not the fact u gotta wait i,m perfectly happy 2 wait for the right mh worker for me not 1 that,s goin mk me worse that,s just my opnion right or wrong