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jammo2015

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
3
Had a 2 year relationship with a girl who i very much believe suffered from BPD. She had an incredibly abusive childhood, strangled by her mothers BF, her mother is B Polar and an alcoholic who my ex had to look after since a very young age. She put herself into foster care after being physically abused by her own mother. Furthermore, the person who she thinks is her dead is physically there but emotionally distant, she will Skype him and he will always cut the call and not respond, she has no family and is still officially married with 2 children all this at the age of 24.

She begged me for her 3rd child towards the end of our relationship because her youngest who is 3 was starting school full time this year, so she told me I need a baby because my youngest doesnt feel like a baby anymore also she told me that her benefits would get cut if not working during this period. She was on the coil and I even told her now is not the time for a baby because she wouldn't let me move in with her, nor would she move in with me. I then found out that she faked pregnancy in order to avoid abandonment, when that failed she started texting me crying saying you killed our baby you made me abort it!!! When in reality there was no baby conceived in the first place. She then started flirting with a guy on Facebook, I told her that its not acceptable because she stopped me from talking to all my girl mates, she then dumped me over the phone.

She then started the push/pull for 2 weeks telling me that her and the kids missed me and that she loved me so much that it hurts to even hear my voice, she would then ignore all texts and calls, I finally had enough, called her up and said your playing mind games and that i cant do this anymore, she then said ok and hung up.

2 days later shes in a relationship with my replacement and he had stayed at hers that night, she then blocked my Facebook and mobile number (i did not harass or chase)

Ive now been 4 months NC with her and today found out that she purposely got pregnant with the new guy after 2 months (removed her coil) she unblocked my number and tried to Face time me last weekend,m which i did not respond to. If she knew about her pregnancy 3 months ago why would she decide to break NC and attempt to call me? If shes pregnant then why try and open up communication again after 4 months especially if she rushed pregnancy with this new guy, they have only been together 5 months.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
Hi, welcome to the forum.
Sounds like a pretty messy situation.
I know it might sound unkind, I really think it's best that you don't get drawn into her situation and try to maintain as little contact as possible.
I don't know where you're at with your feelings for her, but it seems she's very much in the middle of a drama and is possibly reaching out to you because she's desperate rather than out of a genuine desire for a reconciliation.
 
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Madeleine95

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
18
Hi, I sympathise with you ex on this so maybe my advice will be helpful.
Although I have no children yet, I'm in a relationship and I feel uncomfortable with him speaking to other females. And when he suggests leaving I explain its my bpd and I'll get better which is probably not the case.. Maybe trying to make him feel guilty for leaving an unwell person. Basically a nightmare partner at times!
But if eventually he does leave, I would definitely say no contact is the best way. No matter how hard she tries to get in contact I would ignore, because having a personality disorder means she is probably on and off, up and down and she won't want you again next week.
Try steer clear.
Hope you're ok x
 
J

jammo2015

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
3
Hi, I sympathise with you ex on this so maybe my advice will be helpful.
Although I have no children yet, I'm in a relationship and I feel uncomfortable with him speaking to other females. And when he suggests leaving I explain its my bpd and I'll get better which is probably not the case.. Maybe trying to make him feel guilty for leaving an unwell person. Basically a nightmare partner at times!
But if eventually he does leave, I would definitely say no contact is the best way. No matter how hard she tries to get in contact I would ignore, because having a personality disorder means she is probably on and off, up and down and she won't want you again next week.
Try steer clear.
Hope you're ok x
Thank you for this, Its such a nice feeling being able to talk to someone who suffers with BPD because your able to take it from a sufferers perspective thank you! If its not to much of a problem could you please try and answer my questions from a BPDs perceptive?

Why intend to get pregnant only 2 months into a new relationship?

If you knew you were pregnant 2 months into your new relationship, why wait another 2 months (4 months in total) to unblock my number and make contact with me?

If it was to tell me she was pregnant, then why leave it 2 months after knowing?

Why is she breaking contact with me, if she was indifferent towards me then contact wouldn't have been made

Why unblock my number call once, then block my number again immediately after?

These questions have left me so confused, I would very much appreciate it if you could answer from a BPDs perspective, in other words if you were in that situation why would you act that way, or what may go through your mind.

Thank you!

x
 
M

Madeleine95

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
18
No worries:)
I would say one of my worst BPD traits is impulsivity, and although it's hard to get your head round.. Sometimes sex happens by impulse and also the decision of having a baby.
I was trying for a child a few months ago.. Completely obsessed for a few weeks, it was my impulsivity! Because now I couldn't imagine having children so young, I'm 19.

I think the blocking of your number then ringing again is the classic "I hate you, don't leave me"

Im not sure why she told you about the pregnancy, maybe like I said she wants you now but maybe not next week.

Hope I've helped, try not to stress too much about her situation x
 
J

jammo2015

New member
Joined
Jan 18, 2015
Messages
3
Hey madeline

I cant thank you enough for your insight again. I think your right about the i hate you dont leave me scenario. My question is:

Why has she only tried to contact me once in 4 months? And then blocked my number again? I would have thought she would have initated more often after her 1st aftempt 10 days ago.
 
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