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why is this happening to my daughter, and how do I make it better

melisa smith

melisa smith

New member
Joined
Apr 12, 2015
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1
just recently, my husband moved to oregon, I was heartbroken, a few weeks later I moved to oregon as well with the plan to leave my daughter with her grandma to finish the school year out since they have a close relationship. my daughter has been through alot and has had to endure alot, when she was 3 she was sexually molested by her biological father's girlfriend, and her father was verbally and physically abusive, i got a protection order against him. I was going to move to oregon shortly after my husband and come back this summer to pick up my daughter so we could start fresh, but i recently was informed that my 11 yr old suffered a mental breakdown and said she heard voices in her head and they were telling her to get a knife and stab herself in the heart, she said she did not want to move away from her grandma, she has already been diagnosed with PTSD, ADHD, and SAD. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major depressive disorder, GAD, and Borderline personality disorder. does this mean she could be scizophrenic? are my disorders hereditary? Am I to blame for this? What is the treatment that would help her and I. I did counseling and meds for 2 yrs but did not seem to do much good. I'm on SSI for this. I don't want her to suffer like this what can I do to help her from a distance since I can't get to her
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
I don;t believe in heredity mental health problems - the research into genetics and mental illness hasn't been very scientific, for instance they've used identical twins seperated at birth to find out if both end up being schizophrenic, however the research was done on twins who had terrible start to life, one was in an abusive household and experienced sexual abuse, even though this came up in the research, it got dismissed, and I believe that if you have a missing identical twin, you will feel their presence because it is unnatural for identical twins to be sepearated - also watched a recent documentary, not about mental illness, but about two identical twins from china seperated at birth, and they were very close, and had ESP even though one lived in America and the other in Norway. They spoke different languages but understood each other, so I could then understand the possibility that schizophrenia would be more common in seperated identical twins even if they haven't experienced abuse.


Suppressed trauma will always come back to haunt you as an adult - and being sexually molested will have had an enormous effect on your daughter and will no doubt be the reason why she has had a breakdown.

The important thing for a family member to do is never give up - it so important that your flame of hope never gets snuffed out, once you lose that hope, she will too, so that's important, and I'd suggest not defining her by medical model terms, instead encourage her to talk about her feelings and needs - what do you feel what do you need are really important questions when someone is struggling with distress, rather than say 'you need to' as often people will do the opposite of your advise. If her needs right now is to stay with her grandma then this is a valid need and should be respected if this makes her feel better.

Also it's important not to panic in front of her, do it behind her back, when you see her, just listen to her. And try to find out what makes her feel ill, and maximise her feel safe wherever possible, and also crucial to point out areas of wellness within her, focus on what is going well.

If you don't want your daughter lost to a mental illness, then it's important to not to define her by mental health terms, rather see things in terms of distress, struggling, needing support etc, and always always try encourage her to express her needs and feelings and make sure she feels listened to and understood.
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
I suspect her voices may represent the bullying and abuse she has received from her father and his girlfriend - if both of them was abusing her at the time, I wonder if you know everything that happened to her, she might not remember all of it and may be trying to protect you from the full truth.

Whatever they have done, it seems they have traumatised her, and she is showing a normal response for an abnormal situation. Her voices will now doubt be her abusers.

I had a voice when I had a breakdown telling me to kill myself, it was also the voice of my abuser - now when I've processed what that voice wanted and needed, it didn't actually want me to kill myself, it just wanted me to kill of the part of me that was wounded, once I realised this, I realised that when I feel suicidal, it is only a part of me that I want to kill off, not the survivor part of me. So it has been cruical in my recovery journey to find people who will treat me as a surviovor rather than a victim, so what I'm saying is, nuture that survivor part in her, don't pity but empathise and have hope - pity often excludes hope, empathy and compassion has hope in it, and always focus on what she did well, rather than focus on what isn't going right, if she is struggling with depression she will already be focusing too much on what hasn't gone well, she doesn't need another reminder, instead she will no doubt feel better if the people around her are encouraging and supportive.
 
Just A Girl

Just A Girl

Member
Joined
May 16, 2015
Messages
14
There is a lot of evidence suggesting genetic/hereditary links in certain disorders like Schizophrenia however this does not mean that all cases of schizophrenia are necessarily hereditary. You say your kid has post traumatic stress disorder- what caused it? If your daughter is on medication for her PTSD or ADHD then it should be mentioned that some medicines can cause hearing voices as a side effect of medication.
 
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