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why is there no help

I

insanelynormal

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Feb 21, 2015
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I have lived isolated and on the road for years trying to get help that I so desperately need. Almost any town that I spend longer than a couple of days I look and see what they have as far as resources hoping this town may help me find my path out of the hell I have lived in for years. Yet I only find more dead ends and shattered hope than the path of recovery.
The problem there are several but the major one that gets me thrown out of doctors offices and has mental health clinics refuse me services is a behavior problem I have no more control over than epileptic over seizures. Yet when I get nervous angry or upset out comes the monster filled with most wrechted words a human could ever say to another human. When I pist I keep attacking with my words over and over again till they threaten the cops or the susation gets me kicked out of places. Once I get to that point I stuck there for awhile. Takes me a little while to snap out of it.
So what normally happens when appointment days comes I get nervous and with Nevers come the beast and with the beast comes the get the heck out of the office and don't come back. Even when I warm the potiental agentcy or doctor of monster before hand it like totally different when they meet it. Never fails all have left me at the hands of this animal.
Yet if you where to meet me at a social gathering and we talked for awhile you think I was a nice normal guy. You may even give me your number so we could be friends but in some short time you will meet the beast and that is usually when you leave.
I tried for years to answer the question. Why this happens and how to stop it because no amount of self work I done on my own makes it go away. No amount of wishing or praying or thinking it is gone stops it. I am completely and utterly powerless over this thing.
I have tried for years to get help only to be shown the door for the vary problem I came seeking help for.
I don't know why I am like this or cannot control these things all I know is I want to stop being this way and stop having to live in the shadows and hide on the road because of the drama and the heartache this thing causes me.
I will close with these two things. First I hated it when people have treated me like I have any control over this issue by saying things like you just need to learn more self control or shame me for the behavior by telling how wrong I am for acting that way. I know it is wrong and I know it is awful for the other person as well me. I don't need shame I need enough understanding so we can work together to find a solution and fee me from the prison this thing has put me in.
The second is I don't have money to throw at this thing as I am on a very fixed income which makes getting help even harder of not impossible. Yet I do have insurance.
Please I tired of being on the road and being so isolated please help so I can leave the shadows and return to the light with out feat the beat will push me back to the darkness again.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Ouch, that's a tricky problem. I think most people would say that it's up to you to try and learn control. But it sounds like a kind of anxiety disorder which makes you lose your cool when nervous. So maybe it is possible to find a therapist who might help, take you through exposure therapy with CBT perhaps to try and teach you better control? You'd have to explain clearly at the start what the problem was and what you'd like to achieve with the therapy... I think the first step would be to find a sympathetic GP, who could then help you find a suitable therapist.

Feel for you mate, hope you feel ok.
 
I

insanelynormal

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I tried countless times to explain the monster to the people that are suppose to help and every time they meet the monster they kick me out. Happens always with out fail almost like it is scripted.
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

It's the (current) treatment of choice for a lot of MH issues here in the UK. Not sure if you're in the UK though?
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Hi there. I would really like to help you, don't know if I can. Have you ever managed to have any diagnosis or treatment in the past at all?

One thing I thought was, rather than make an appointment, write or send an email asking for an appointment, but within explanation of everything, like you have written here, so that they fully understand you are committed to getting help, but that the stress of the appointment may make you lose control.

It may be more helpful to approach a large specialist clinic in a city/big town or even a psychiatrist there directly, where they may have more experience of this kind of problem. If you then need a referral from a GP maybe they can recommend one and explain directly what is needed.

I really hope you can find the help you need.
 
I

insanelynormal

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I have tried I even had a doctor friend that we doing well together for about a year then something happened and he finally met the beast and this was for awhile hearing me talk about the monster. Then after he faced it he told me if I ever called him again he was going to report me to the authorities which is standard for people after they met my illness.
 
I

insanelynormal

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So even after that and talking to potential help on the phone before the first meeting and telling them about what I am dealing with it all ends the same as it did with my doctor friend.
I even look at an ADHD clinic close to where I live because I been diagnosed with that and aspergers. Because I. Some of the books I have read about ADHD it talk about the behavior problems that come with it as well. Except when told of the beast that came along with the ADHD problems I was told I was not a good match for their program staff where not equipped to deal with someone like me.
I even tried a program for people with addiction issue as well as mental health and they ended up turning me away because of the problem. This is just an example of 100 other places I have approached seeking help and all have shown me the door.
 
Last edited:
Kerome

Kerome

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I have tried I even had a doctor friend that we doing well together for about a year then something happened and he finally met the beast and this was for awhile hearing me talk about the monster. Then after he faced it he told me if I ever called him again he was going to report me to the authorities which is standard for people after they met my illness.
That's...unfortunate. Unsympathetic of him if you ask me.

Have you looked at anger management courses? They're pretty specific to people with your kind of problems, and often people who give them are better prepared to deal with people losing their rag.
 
I

insanelynormal

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I mean yes it happens when I get upset mad or anxious it does not feel like just normal anger it is beyond normal control or just shitting it off because the behavior has out lived it usefulness. It feels about as controlable as seizure to epileptic. But may not be a bad place to start as they probably be willing to put up the abuse that illness brings.
 
I

insanelynormal

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Also in away group anger management scares me as I am totally a non volient mouth piece and I can have tendency to know excatly what buttons to press to set people off and in a room filled with angry people I would be like the spark that sets off the fire. I don't want to get hurt by saying my valguraties and getting beat up.
 
I

insanelynormal

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Feb 21, 2015
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Yet I did contact a anger management group and the guy who ran though had some nice things to say he felt like anger only came from one place and l know there is more to my anger than anger. Anytime some one says one thing is only thing I found in life there is never one set thing for anything because of people being different
 
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