Why is my friend being like this?

D

drowning-in-myself

Active member
Joined
Dec 1, 2018
Messages
31
Location
UK
#1
So, I've been getting really anxious and worried lately about my friend. They haven't bothered with me in 2 and a half months. I don't know why. I guess I should explain better.

We used to be friends in high school and in 2013, they moved quite far away and said they would still come to visit, but of course they didn't and also give me some advice that didn't work out well. This caused me to start ignoring her. They of course kept trying to get in touch with me, but when it was clear that I wasn't going to answer, they left me alone.

I started college at this time too and life took over. I know it's not an excuse, but I was 17, I was in a weird mindset and focussing on college. I went to college for 3 years. I was constantly depressed and anxious, never managed to make any friends in college. Time passes.

Now, well back in October last year, they messaged me again. But this time, I replied. We met up, talked, started to be friends again. I even stayed at their house a few times. I can remember a few times where I did try apologizing for how I was and for being a bad friend, but they would brush it off.

I was in a bad place when I got back in touch with them last year. I was really depressed and self-harming. They seen this and told me that I had to get help. As one time I stayed at theirs, I got really upset which lead us to having a conversation about how I needed help.

Then life got in the way again as Christmas and the start of the new year happened. I last saw them at the end of January for a little while, but since then they haven't bothered at all.

I know that they have a life. A house to maintain, a job, a girlfriend and other things to deal with. I'm not expecting them to drop everything and be my friend. But they could at least send me a message? Right? No.

I've been noticing for a while now, how they are always 'active x minutes ago' on Facebook and how their Snapchat score seems to keep going up. Whilst I receive no messages. I have messaged them and managed to have small conversations with them, but nothing siginificant.

I even messaged them again today and said that we should meet up for a catch up, I got a reply several hours later and they said that we should and sorry for "not being there lately". I replied saying that they should let me know when their free so we can sort something, y'know leaving it to them to see if they really want to hang out/talk to me.

I just don't get it. They knew I was in a bad place, that I don't have any friends, that I don't go out much because of my anxiety. Why would they be like this? Help :/
 
LouisaMogs

LouisaMogs

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Warrington
#2
I don’t think it’s anything personal. I think that because of you’re anxiety you’re taking it as something personal.

When you have anxiety, how you perceive things can be somewhat warped.

I think what you said about them having their own lives is most probably true. Sometimes people can be preoccupied by what’s going on in their own lives to make time for others.

I hope this helps.
 
D

drowning-in-myself

Active member
Joined
Dec 1, 2018
Messages
31
Location
UK
#3
I don’t think it’s anything personal. I think that because of you’re anxiety you’re taking it as something personal.

When you have anxiety, how you perceive things can be somewhat warped.

I think what you said about them having their own lives is most probably true. Sometimes people can be preoccupied by what’s going on in their own lives to make time for others.

I hope this helps.
Thanks, it does a bit. I guess my anxiety is just a lot worse than I think. I just want to be able to have a friend that I can talk to and hang out with. I mean, isn't that why they kept trying to get in touch with me other the years?
 
LouisaMogs

LouisaMogs

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Warrington
#4
Yeah, from what you’ve said that’s what it sounds like they where trying to do. It sounds like they still want to maintain the friendship as well, it’s just unfortunate that life and other commitments sometimes get in the way of people being attentive when you need them x
 
D

drowning-in-myself

Active member
Joined
Dec 1, 2018
Messages
31
Location
UK
#5
Yeah, from what you’ve said that’s what it sounds like they where trying to do. It sounds like they still want to maintain the friendship as well, it’s just unfortunate that life and other commitments sometimes get in the way of people being attentive when you need them x
Thanks, it's good to get someone's else view rather than just my own. It's just when they don't talk to me or whatever, I just feel like they don't want to be my friend, I keep thinking of how I ignored them for years. But I guess that's just my anxiety. I'll try my best to see it through and hope it turns out for the best.