Why is my anxiety back

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EstherRose94

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Mar 2, 2019
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1,213
Location
USA
#1
My anxiety was kinda creeping back up on me for a while and now is back with a vengeance. I guess I was silly to think it was gone forever. It’s awful and makes it hard to function or be there for the people I love.

How can I win this time? So far I’ve only told you all on here and I see my therapist soon. I don’t want to tell anyone else.

Because my anxiety is this: maybe my bf manipulates me subtly and I fall for it cause I love him so I am ultra careful with what I say around him and maybe that is very wrong and harmful to me.

Now to be clear I don’t honestly believe any of that. When I feel good I don’t think any of that. But when I feel like this I start thinking “well of course it’s happening I’ve just had my rose colored glasses on when I felt better”.

Guys I felt so good for like three whole months and I wasn’t scared. Now the scary cycle of thoughts is happening like since I have these worries they must be true, etc.

I know it’s OCD. I still hate it. I obviously can’t interact with bf very well this way but at the same time I crave sweetness and affection from him even extra.

What is going on?
 
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EstherRose94

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
1,213
Location
USA
#2
My anxiety was kinda creeping back up on me for a while and now is back with a vengeance. I guess I was silly to think it was gone forever. It’s awful and makes it hard to function or be there for the people I love.

How can I win this time? So far I’ve only told you all on here and I see my therapist soon. I don’t want to tell anyone else.

Because my anxiety is this: maybe my bf manipulates me subtly and I fall for it cause I love him so I am ultra careful with what I say around him and maybe that is very wrong and harmful to me.

Now to be clear I don’t honestly believe any of that. When I feel good I don’t think any of that. But when I feel like this I start thinking “well of course it’s happening I’ve just had my rose colored glasses on when I felt better”.

Guys I felt so good for like three whole months and I wasn’t scared. Now the scary cycle of thoughts is happening like since I have these worries they must be true, etc.

I know it’s OCD. I still hate it. I obviously can’t interact with bf very well this way but at the same time I crave sweetness and affection from him even extra.

What is going on?
Like at night my anxiety subsides and I’ll be like omg I love you you’re great, etc. Feel bad for negative thoughts and feelings from earlier be like yay I’m finally better then next morning my anxiety is like Honey you thought.

This used to happen like every day for almost two years. I FINALLY got better and now I’m like. No. If this happens again I need serious help I’m not doing it again.
 
WonderwallGirl

WonderwallGirl

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May 15, 2019
Messages
51
Location
German
#3
did anything happen that triggered you to feel that way?

I felt the same too, when I was in relationship , in my case my anxiety started with trigger most of the times, even that trigger wasnot related to my ex. like I watched some video which made me anxious etc
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
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Location
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#4
Well I was stressed about work, im also a little nervous about traveling with bf for work soon bc I hate traveling and I am afraid of the nervous feeling I’ll get because I think I should be more than comforted by him being there but everytime we take trips I get this really crazy feeling.

I’m so embarrassed for feeling this way and my tummy hurts and I want to cry. I can’t do anything to make it better and if I’m nervous/ quiet he’ll be jokey to try to get me out of it and I’ll be very irritable.

I don’t wanna do that to him.

I don’t understand how I can love him and also feel so much worry and negative emotions, shouldn’t I only feel good?
 
WonderwallGirl

WonderwallGirl

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Joined
May 15, 2019
Messages
51
Location
German
#7
Well I was stressed about work, im also a little nervous about traveling with bf for work soon bc I hate traveling and I am afraid of the nervous feeling I’ll get because I think I should be more than comforted by him being there but everytime we take trips I get this really crazy feeling.

I’m so embarrassed for feeling this way and my tummy hurts and I want to cry. I can’t do anything to make it better and if I’m nervous/ quiet he’ll be jokey to try to get me out of it and I’ll be very irritable.

I don’t wanna do that to him.

I don’t understand how I can love him and also feel so much worry and negative emotions, shouldn’t I only feel good?
it seems like lots of things made you anxious. I think you can talk to your bf about how you feel, what scares and irritates you. if he understands and support you I think you will feel better
 

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