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Why is it so hard to leave the toxic friends alone?

  • Thread starter I just wannna be happy
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I

I just wannna be happy

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
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4
Location
Dallas, TX
Hello,

I'm trying really hard to leave some things in 2020( and probably before then) but it's extremely hard. I don't understand how in-laws make you feel special one day, call you, text you, invite you out, and all of a sudden they act like strangers. No birthday text, call, or anything. Remind you that I have given money, and provided shelter for some that will not even speak... but when there's a family gathering or a need, they act like nothing has happened. After asking what's wrong, they reply with "nothing" but their actions says otherwise. I'm upset with myself because so much time has passed, I don't even want the family ship, maybe I want closure.... Heck, I don't know what I want. Sad part is, none of this bothers my husband. I'm so tired of thinking about these people. I just want peace.
 
OmniscientNihilist

OmniscientNihilist

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Dec 9, 2020
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dont have any expectations of people. dont do anything for anyone if you expect something in return because you might not get it. so get it up front first. once you protect numero uno first then after that everything else is a bonus. so become a bit more selfish and smart. go with the flow.
 
I

I just wannna be happy

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Dallas, TX
Thanks for your response. Expectations... Me and my coworker was just discussing this word last week. I must admit, I was never doing it for anything in return materialistic wise. I am a natural giver, and I have a big heart, but maybe I was doing it for love and acceptance. I have no mom,( passed away) dad (absent), grandparents (passed away) , and I'm the only child so when I met my husband, his family seemed so warm. I thought me being nice was just the right thing to do, and they would naturally do it back.
 
I

I just wannna be happy

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Dallas, TX
dont have any expectations of people. dont do anything for anyone if you expect something in return because you might not get it. so get it up front first. once you protect numero uno first then after that everything else is a bonus. so become a bit more selfish and smart. go with the flow.
Thanks for your response. Expectations... Me and my coworker was just discussing this word last week. I must admit, I was never doing it for anything in return materialistic wise. I am a natural giver, and I have a big heart, but maybe I was doing it for love and acceptance. I have no mom,( passed away) dad (absent), grandparents (passed away) , and I'm the only child so when I met my husband, his family seemed so warm. I thought me being nice was just the right thing to do, and they would naturally do it back.
 
sunset547544

sunset547544

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Feb 27, 2016
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Location
UK, London
My wife doesn't like my family/her in laws, it has caused a lot of arguments between us. I just wanted us all to get on, but I guess this was wishful thinking. When I really think about it though, I can understand. I went through a phase of having to socialise with her family and it became pretty excruciating.
 
I

I just wannna be happy

New member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
4
Location
Dallas, TX
My wife doesn't like my family/her in laws, it has caused a lot of arguments between us. I just wanted us all to get on, but I guess this was wishful thinking. When I really think about it though, I can understand. I went through a phase of having to socialise with her family and it became pretty excruciating.
For myself, it didn't start like that. I guess my blinders were on, and I thought the grass was greener on the other side. These people went to church and seemed family oriented. Man, was I wrong. When me and my husband decided to leave the church everything stopped. The phone calls, the invites, the text messages.. EVERYTHING.. such a cold feeling. I guess I'm struggling with how a relationship could end because we left the church... I'm baffled.
 
Wildflower112

Wildflower112

Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
UK
Christ (pun), for me and this the key part religion is one thing and family is something else entirely. My loyalty would always be to my family and associated relationships, others might feel differently. As you have discovered families communicate very differently ...what is normal in one household might seem archaic to others.
 

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